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Original poster

Is it acceptable to say that lactating mothers can't attend a wedding reception?

124 replies

minitrip · 01/05/2009 16:24

I've been invited to a wedding in June, and my baby will be about 4 weeks old. We've been told that I am welcome to bring her to the wedding, but not the posh reception. As I hardly know the couple getting married (uni friend of my husband) going to the wedding is a bit irrelevant if I can't meet anyone afterwards.

I do have a tiny bit of sympathy for people who won't have toddlers/children at their weddings (although I invited kids to mine - I think they make it a happier occasion), but I thought it was a bit harsh to exclude breastfeeding babies (and their mothers)...

OP posts:
ruty · 01/05/2009 17:08

i really do no get the no kids at weddings thing.

Idranktheeasterspirits · 01/05/2009 17:09

Well if you dont want to leave your tiny baby then dont. And i dont see how this couple are being rude, far ruder to assume that you have a right to bring your children to all events. Its hardly the hosts fault that the op gave birth four weeks ago. If you pander to every guest and their needs the whole event becomes a chore.

My wedding will be done according to my preferences, people may come or not, the most important people on the day will be me and dp. Not an acquaintance with a logistics problem.

dollius · 01/05/2009 17:12

A breastfeeding baby is to all intents and purposes still attached to your body.

Ok, so it's not quite the same as being in the womb, but I always think of this as a bit like asking pregnant women to leave their bumps at the door.

They must not have a clue about breastfeeding babies.

FabulousBakerGirl · 01/05/2009 17:13

It doesn't sound like you want to go anyway so just don't got. Or send your husband on his own.

Funnily enough I found a card yesterday from an old uni friend of my DH thanking us for going to their wedding (300+ mile journey) as our effort was appreciated. They had done the same for us a few months before.

Original poster
minitrip · 01/05/2009 17:18

No, that's true. I never said that they were being rude. Just asking what other think...

Everyone is different I guess. I wanted to enjoy my wedding, but I wanted everyone else to too. Otherwise, what's the point of inviting anyone? If you think that way, just get married alone. I hate the attitude 'This is about me. I want you all to come and admire me, and whether you enjoy it is irrelevant.' Slightly selfish, don't you think?

OP posts:
fircone · 01/05/2009 17:19

But it would be odd to take your baby when perhaps close family members are having to find sitters for their children. And now that you've received a reply to the effect that you are definitely not welcome, it would be the height of rudeness to push it.

And I think you are being extremely optimistic about your socialising ability so soon after the birth.

Leaky boobs, having to sit on a hard chair with a still sore bum, massive bags under the eyes, pouchy stomach...

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 01/05/2009 17:21

I agree with lots already posted...
I would NOT want to go to a wedding 4 weeks after giving birth. Especially the wedding of two people you don't even know.
If they have a no children rule then they are unlikely to compromise with someone who isnt in their family/close circle of friends.

Let your DH go and you stay at home in bed feeding, reading ,sleeping and eating chocolate.

Original poster
minitrip · 01/05/2009 17:21

fircone, I've no intention of pushing it.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 01/05/2009 17:22

I agree with dollius - exactly.

They're selfish sods, just forget about their poncy wedding and pray for rain enjoy your new baby

dollius · 01/05/2009 17:23

I don't think it would be odd at all.

I would completely understand my children (aged 4 and 2) not being invited to a wedding, but breastfed babies coming along.

No-one can possibly have an issue with a baby which actually needs to be attached to its mother every three hours coming to a wedding.

OP - they clearly don't care if you come or not, otherwise they would accommodate you, so I just wouldn't bother.

Idranktheeasterspirits · 01/05/2009 17:25

I dont think im selfish at all, im not getting married so that people will admire me on the dY, dp and i have been together a few years and been through all sorts of crap.

Our day will be for us, registry office then a meal. I have no intention of worrying about lactating mothers, pustulent teens, florid grandads or any other group for that matter.

dollius · 01/05/2009 17:26

So why are you inviting any of them then?

dollius · 01/05/2009 17:26

Or maybe you're not? Is that the point?

Idranktheeasterspirits · 01/05/2009 17:27

Im not.

Greensleeves · 01/05/2009 17:33

how can "our day will be about us and I have no intention of worrying about anyone else" NOT be selfish? I think it is, I'm afraid.

Idranktheeasterspirits · 01/05/2009 17:38

How can expecting a host to change their plans for you because you gave birth a short time ago not be selfish?

Greensleeves · 01/05/2009 17:44

Well the clue is in the word "host" IMO

edam · 01/05/2009 17:45

Because the host issued an invitation that they knew full well would be impossible for their guest to accept. Extremely rude.

It is the host's responsibility - at any event - to make their guests feel welcome. If you can't be bothered to do that, you have no business inviting anyone.

edam · 01/05/2009 17:47

(oops, second line not aimed at you personally, easter, but the people described in the OP. Should have said 'one' or something.)

MrsMerryHenry · 01/05/2009 17:54

Good grief, is it really that much hassle to have a single newborn baby attend your wedding when you have a 'no kids' policy? Of course the risk is that some people who've left their children behind will have a private grumble, but tbh people quite happily find things to grumble about regarding other people's weddings if they're of a mind to do so.

DarrellRivers · 01/05/2009 18:02

Society is going to hell in a handcart generally
Agree with Ruty, can't see the wedding =no children logic thing at all

BigBellasBeerBelly · 01/05/2009 18:07

It's easy. you simply don't go. I mean you can't go can you.

Just say sorry you can't make it. It's what Ive done in the past.

All fine and dandy. What pisses me off is then when the couple start kicking off about you not being able to come, although clearly you can't, and they won't let the baby come... Doh. It's usually people without children.

Anyways save yourself the time worrying about it and simply send back a "sorry can't make it" and forget the whole thing

apostrophe · 01/05/2009 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tinker · 01/05/2009 18:15

"Not an acquaintance with a logistics problem." - but the husband of the OP is presumably not an aquaintance, this is his child too.

Podrick · 01/05/2009 18:20

Not sure why you are bothered about attending? Nice to be asked but does it make much difference to either party if you actually go or not?

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