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Original poster

Is it acceptable to say that lactating mothers can't attend a wedding reception?

124 replies

minitrip · 01/05/2009 16:24

I've been invited to a wedding in June, and my baby will be about 4 weeks old. We've been told that I am welcome to bring her to the wedding, but not the posh reception. As I hardly know the couple getting married (uni friend of my husband) going to the wedding is a bit irrelevant if I can't meet anyone afterwards.

I do have a tiny bit of sympathy for people who won't have toddlers/children at their weddings (although I invited kids to mine - I think they make it a happier occasion), but I thought it was a bit harsh to exclude breastfeeding babies (and their mothers)...

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 01/05/2009 16:27

Gosh, that's a bit rude. It's usually the other way round, isn't it? You invite to the evening, but tell people the church is only little or something and only enough from for family.

Why would anyone bother to get dressed up for an hour in a church and then be cast aside afterwards?

ScorpiowithabigS · 01/05/2009 16:28

I didn't want children at my wedding, but babes in arms are different and not 'children', iyswim. I think they are a little rude.

EldonAve · 01/05/2009 16:29

you could leave your baby at home

you hardly know them so why would they make an exception to their child-free wedding for you

bigchris · 01/05/2009 16:29

I think the thread title is a bit misleading
presumably the reception is 'no kids' not 'no lactating mothers' lol

bigchris · 01/05/2009 16:29

EldonAve - leave a 4 week old breast fed baby at home?!!

ScorpiowithabigS · 01/05/2009 16:29

it's hard to leave a 4 week old exc bf baby at home!

MaureenMLove · 01/05/2009 16:31

Assuming baby will be 4 weeks old, it may be younger..

EldonAve · 01/05/2009 16:32

well if she really wanted too she could

tbh 4 weeks after childbirth I wouldn't want to go to a wedding

Overmydeadbody · 01/05/2009 16:34

the thread title is misleading isn't it? they haven't said lactating mothers can't attend have they? Just that they don't want the baby at the reception.

Their wedding, their rules.

belgo · 01/05/2009 16:36

I went to a wedding five days after ds was born. With Ds of course.

Their wedding, their rules, but it would be nice if there was a bit more value placed on babies and children in our society.

Original poster
minitrip · 01/05/2009 16:37

True, I could leave my baby at home. But she would have to starve for several hours because she won't be taking a bottle at that stage!

Everyone's entitled to say 'no' to kids at weddings, but babies of that age generally sleep all the time anyway and they don't even occupy a seat - so what's the problem? I've been to a wedding where all breastfeeding babies were welcome, but kids weren't. I'm happy to leave my toddler at home - gives me a day off!

OP posts:
EldonAve · 01/05/2009 16:43

there may be all sorts of other reasons

I missed the wedding of a close friend because her DH didn't want his sister's kids at the wedding, so it was no kids, no babies

FAQinglovely · 01/05/2009 16:46

her wedding her rules

but PMSL @" but babies of that age generally sleep all the time anyway" - oh how I wish that had been true for my 3 DS's - only 1 out of the 3 would have fitted that description

tiggerlovestobounce · 01/05/2009 16:47

I think the title is misleading, you can go if you dont take your baby, so they havent banned you. Obviously in your circumstances that isnt really going to be possible though.
If the couple getting married dont have kids they might not given the issue a great deal of thought.
Do the couple know that you cant go to the wedding if you cant take the baby?

I was in a similar situation after one of my DDs was born - it was a no children wedding, and my BF DD was only a few weeks old, so I just had to say that I was sorry but wouldnt be able to attend, so they changed the rule to allow me to bring DD.

mosschops30 · 01/05/2009 16:48

You dont know them, so just dont go. IMHO its her wedding and if she wants everyone to wear knickers on their heads and wear orange jumpsuits then thats her call.

I dont really understand all this type of thing, if you dont like the rules dont go, dont bitch about it

Original poster
minitrip · 01/05/2009 16:54

Yes, they do know, tiggerlovestobounce. When the invite came for just DH and me, my DH sent them a very polite and friendly email explaining that I won't be able to leave a 4 wk old at home. They replied that they had given it lots of thought, and they didn't want any children at the reception, but they were welcome to the wedding. If you were a child, would you want to sit in a stuffy church for an hour with your parents telling you to be quiet every two minutes?

As everyone says, their wedding, their rules...
And they'll probably be parents one day...

OP posts:
Original poster
minitrip · 01/05/2009 16:56

Not a bitch, mosschops30. Just a debate...

OP posts:
tiggerlovestobounce · 01/05/2009 16:57

Oh, thats a shame, you would hope that they would have changed the rules for a tiny baby, but like you say their wedding, their rules.

BonsoirAnna · 01/05/2009 16:57

I expect that the couple who sent the invitations haven't the slightest clue about breastfeeding! Ring them up and explain the situation.

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 01/05/2009 17:00

typical wedding loons, they just don't get it and when they do have their own kids will probably look back and realise what twats they've been.

mosschops30 · 01/05/2009 17:02

love the way you all assume that all parents love kids at social events (especially other peoples)

Im a parent but wouldnt have a problem with someone stating they didnt want mine there, unless of course they invited everyone elses
If I didnt feel I could leave them at home then I wouldnt go.
Its a bit like turning up at a nightclub or bar demending you have to go in with your kids because you have no sitter - tough rules are rules!!

Idranktheeasterspirits · 01/05/2009 17:03

Why should they change their preference though? Their wedding, their preference. If you dont like it dont go.

oxocube · 01/05/2009 17:04

I really don't see the problem - its their day, you don't even know the couple, do something lovely with your baby instead of going to their wedding. I would much rather have gone for a walk, sat in a park, stayed home, watched a movie and devoured pizza on my own than go to the hassle of taking a tiny baby to a (relative) stranger's wedding. Or AIBU ?

BonsoirAnna · 01/05/2009 17:04

Why extend an invitation to someone with conditions attached that you know will mean that person has to refuse the invitation?

I doubt the couple really meant to be so rude. I expect they have absolutely no idea about the realities of breastfeeding (or of being a new mother and not wanting to leave a tiny baby).

MrsMerryHenry · 01/05/2009 17:08

Your thread title is very misleading, you make it sound like they don't want you getting your breasts out at the wedding.

Why don't they want kids there? Is it because of the extra cost of meals? If so, that's irrelevant in your case, so if you really want to go, why don't you explain your circumstances and ask whether they could make an exception? If it's because they just don't want children there, just go for the wedding and enjoy it.