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Original poster

WTF?

235 replies

Gobbledigook · 14/04/2005 19:28

Well that was my response - what do you think?

A couple of friends of mine are going on a girls night out tonight with a group of Mums from their child's nursery (not mine so I'm not going) - one of the mothers, also one of my friends, has a 9 week old dd and is breastfeeding so she is taking her with her

Please - who would take their 2 month old baby on a girls night out to a posh restaurant?? And it's not about the fact that she'd be bfing her in a restaurant btw, but what about the other mums in the group and all the other diners who have gone for a night out only to find a baby in the place?!

Madness and tbh if I was going I'd be pretty peed off.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 15/04/2005 10:30

I'm slightly bemused by the fact that some people "want a night out for me" or would be annoyed if a friend took a 9 week old baby but think it's perfectly OK that a mother of a bf baby can't go out unless/until she manages to either force her baby to take a bottle (ebm or formula) or leaves them to go hungry. It's not a matter of whether or not you can get a babysitter at that age, it's wether or not the baby will feed in any other manner. I'd be seriously p*ssed off if the implication was I wasn't welcome by my friends if I had to bring my baby when the other alternative was not to go. I'd be re-evaluating the friendship, I know that for sure.

WideWebWitch · 15/04/2005 10:35

Cod, we're talking about a 9 week old, not 9 months.

Original poster
Gobbledigook · 15/04/2005 10:41

Well there's clearly just a difference in opinion and that's it. I can't get my head round the idea that someone would take a baby on a girls night out either. And all this 'I'd be reevaluating the friendship' business just seems quite OTT to me. If it was me bfing my baby (or bottle feeding but had no babysitter) I would not dream of suggesting to the girls that I just brought the baby with me and it would be perfectly logical to me to stay at home on that occasion. I wouldn't be in any way offended at all. It wouldn't be that I wasn't welcome but that baby wasn't on this occasion and that's fair enough I'd say!

But that's just me and I guess I should have been able to predict the response here as many people on this site do seem very easily offended.

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Marina · 15/04/2005 10:42

Soupy, hear hear. I'd much rather see the friend with baby in tow - assuming I was actually her friend and really cared about her of course - than sit anywhere near a table of really shouty women getting pissed. That kind of stuff has spoiled more nights out for me than a small baby tucked into a car seat.
The first ever Mumsnet meet was at a very posh London restaurant at lunchtime. One Mner brought her small baby along for the same reasons as this person is planning. We were really pleased to see Mner and baby and no-one in the restaurant minded a jot. More than can be said for the plastered hen party nearby, trying to snog all the waiters

batters · 15/04/2005 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marina · 15/04/2005 10:44

And there were two gorgeous little guys available for cuddles at yesterday's City lunch (not waiters BTW)

Original poster
Gobbledigook · 15/04/2005 10:45

The MN meet up sounds like an entirely different scenario to me.

As a group we meet up all the time with the kids, during the day and for tea, but sometimes the girls go out without the children because many of us are SAHM and appreciate perhaps 2-3 hours every few months without a child around.

Really not sure what's so wrong with that.

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PuffTheMagicDragon · 15/04/2005 10:45

That's my view soupy. It was relatively easy for me to get a night out when mine were tiny babies as both were bottle fed from the start, but my two best friends who were breastfeeding did find it harder to get out and their babies would not take to ebm from a bottle until about 4 months. I just don't see why people in this situation should be expected to stay holed up at home night after night.

Original poster
Gobbledigook · 15/04/2005 10:45

Batters, I'm not talking about lunch!!!!!!!

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Marina · 15/04/2005 10:46

But it's still a posh restaurant/"me" time/glass of wine scenario though Jools

stitch · 15/04/2005 10:48

what i dont get is why someone would want to go out on a girls night out with a baby in tow. i think its brave of the woman in question to take her baby with her, but quite frankly, why? whats wrong with having a nice peaceful time at home, getting some sleep, painting your toenails, just relaxing?
babies are tiny for sucha short time, whilst ther is a lifetime to go and have girls nights out. i think moms should enjoy the time they have with babies.
but thats my opinion and works for me, everyone else is different.

WideWebWitch · 15/04/2005 10:49

But I still don't get why it would be a problem if you were going for a girls night out and someone brought a child that wasn't yours or your responsibility! What difference would it make?

WideWebWitch · 15/04/2005 10:50

But having a tiny baby with you doesn't mean you can't speak or enjoy the company of friends stitch and why should it?

JoolsToo · 15/04/2005 10:50

"Get over it! Move on!"

Original poster
Gobbledigook · 15/04/2005 10:53

I hear what you are saying WWW, but I don't know how to explain it. It just would. I'm with mine 24 hours a day and I've got a 7 month old of my own. For just the odd few hours it would be nice not to have babies around whether they were my responsibility or not. It's just nice to be in an adult environment where there are just adults - just for a short time.

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SoupDragon · 15/04/2005 10:56

Gobbledigook, I'm not offended by you opinion - it's your opinion and you're entitled to it, it's just not the same as mine. And I would reevaluate the friendship if a friend of mine effectively said they'd rather not see me at all rather than see me and my 9 week old baby I couldn't leave.

SoupDragon · 15/04/2005 10:57

DS2 just used to sleep in his carseat on the rare occasions I took him out. Occasionally needed feeding but otherwise didn't utter a squeak. Once he got more lively, I left him at home with DH to scream because he wanted feeding

WideWebWitch · 15/04/2005 10:58

I agree Soupdragon, gdg, you're entitled to your opinion, absolutely!

batters · 15/04/2005 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caligula · 15/04/2005 11:00

I don't feel offended, just very surprised that anyone would think it was a big deal to take a 9 week old baby on a girls night out. You may have a fantastic social life GdG, but I think lots of mothers don't- they may only do a girl's night out once or twice a year, so missing out on that one night really does mean not going out for another eight or nine months, or possibly even more. I just really would feel it would be unkind to expect someone to stay at home if that was the case. [pauses to wipe halo )

Original poster
Gobbledigook · 15/04/2005 11:01

SD, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have told her she wasn't welcome and I would still have enjoyed her company, I would just rather she hadn't brought a baby.

I suppose I was just surprised that anyone would think to bring a baby along because I wouldn't. I'd have left the baby with dh or I'd not go, feeling that the girls would probably rather have a child free night since they spend all day with their own kids, and just look forward to the next night out.

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Original poster
Gobbledigook · 15/04/2005 11:02

No I don't have a fantastic social life, that's what I'm saying! Child-free nights out are few and far between - that's my point!

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Caligula · 15/04/2005 11:06

But your night would still be child-free!

PiccadillyCircus · 15/04/2005 11:15

Have read the whole thread now (took a bit of reading - why am I never up when all the posting is happening?)

When DS was 3 weeks old DH and I went out for dinner with people from his law course. DS also had liquid refreshment as I breastfed him. One of the people we were out with could see he was having his dinner and said nice things (this was reassuring for this nervous about breastfeeding in public mother).

I don't think we disturbed anyone. Although it wasn't a particularly posh restaurant.

I suppose that as it is the 3rd child of this person, the friends will have children of a variety of ages. I appreciate that a child free evening is a very nice experience (I have one booked for 7th May). But are people who are not happy with the baby coming saying that because she has a 9 week old, that she should notbe able to go on a night out?

And if she were bottle feeding, what if she had wanted to bring the baby with her?

Oh well, I hope she had a nice evening last night anyway .

basketcase · 15/04/2005 11:17

Knowing how many mums on this site are so keen to put the children?s needs before anyone elses every time and how many threads there are on here about good sleep routines, anti smoking etc. I am amazed that more more don?t feel the same way as GDG, if not even stronger. After reading her initial post I was expecting to read a flurry of outraged, holier than thou type posts about the value of sleep routines and how unreasonable it is to take a child out of their cosy safe bedroom at night etc.
I guess there are two issues - the first being whether others have the right to criticise or be offended by a child?s presence. IMHO opinion - sure, have an opinion on whether you would do it but unless the child is making a big racket, not really any concern of any of the other diners as it is the parent?s call. The other issue is whether a mum can morally justify taking their child out of their usual routine and into a restaurant, possibly smoky, too hot/cold etc. leading to a night of possibly disturbed sleep in oder for them to have a night out with the girls. Personally I would have expressed and had a night out child free, if unable to express or no babsitter I would have stayed at home but that is just me, not my place to tell anyone else what to do.