Envious of other friendships within circle of friends

[SigourneyBeaver]

I am a name changing regular.

I have had a group of good pals since ds was born nearly 3 yrs ago. We meet up once a week and from time to time go out for a meal or whatever.

3 of the women have become really close as naturally happens. However, I am really envious. Their kids all play well together becasue they see each other every couple of days and I feel sorry for ds and the others because they kind of shut them out.

I know I am being ridiculous, but I am still feeling this way. It feels worse too because it was me who did all the early rushing around to set our little group up and found us a place to meet.

I fear I am a fool.

Not a fool - just human.

I think most of us feel like this at some point.

Are there any who you're particularly close to? Sometimes it may just be down to geography, eg, if they live really close to each other.

You are not a fool Sigourney but I'd suggest you really need something else to occupy your time and thoughts if this sort of thing bothers you a great deal.

Do you work?

Mintyy

I have felt like this sometimes too.

Yes, I've had exactly the same feelings (probably, I suspect at the same kind of age for the DC). I'd done all of the running around too.

And it was absurd - three of them went on holiday together, and I minded, even though I would have rather jabbed myself in the arm with a sharp stick repeatedly rather than go on holiday with any of their other halves. Or, if the truth is told, any of them.

Then it got better, I made other friends, went back to work one day a week (the fact I minded so much was one of the things that sent me back!). Which is not to say that you're losing it, it's very hard not to mind when this is an important part of your life.

So - and this will take time - find some other groups, talk to people, etc etc. I'm still friends with all of them, and lots of other people too!

I felt a bit like this at half-term. I make loads of effort to havings mum's round for coffee etc, and never leave anyone out.

Then 2 of the mums met up in half-term and didn't ask me or the others. I felt a bit fed up tbh.

Thanks for your posts. Well, except maybe Mintyy; why not just post "Get a life" and have done with it? I work 40 plus hours a week, fwiw.

Anyway, I digress.

The three women meet up at all sorts of highly organised activity things which tbh I haven't the time nor the inclination for. I would, as vonsudafed says, rather jab myself in the arm with a sharp stick than endure Tumble Tots. They are all better off financially than me, so I may just be shallow.

I know my envy is illogical. I fel better for knowing some others feel like this. For all I know, they probably think I have it better than them!

Golly mintyy i hope that last post was a joke.

No, I'm really annoyed. About as annoyed as its possible for me to get.

Bloody hell!

No Mintyy your post wasn't helpful. You were quite rude tbh. Not as rude as your second post though which was not only rude but hurtful too. Thanks for that.

nice.....i thought this seemed an innocous thread! more like fight club!

I'm sorry, Mintyy but I do not know why you are so angry about this.

It was not rude! I am not rude. I am a thoughtful considerate person. I had complete empathy with your first post "you are not a fool" and then tried to start a dialogue with you to see what could be done about your preoccupation with something that was hurting you.

You, Sigourney, have really really annoyed ^me". I consider your attitude towards me and my first post to be rude.

Search all my posts on mumsnet if you like. You will never find me having a flare up with anyone.

Mintyy, objective opinion here, your posts read really badly actually...

you're not being daft at all, sig, but you do just have to suck it up.

mintyy, i thought your first post quite rude tbh, clearly somethingg went wrong inthe translation?

Well, I wasn't the only one who ed at your post.
The tone of your post was rather, um, school marm-ish.
Perhaps you did intend to be helpful but that was not the way that I or one of the other posters on here read your post.

anyway.........

Indeed, cm, moving on!

I have felt like this also and especially being a full time working parent which i was when dd was v young, I worked shifts so managed to go to a couple of mums and toddler groups etc and make friend with a few mums but they all used to go around eachothers house on different days of the week and meet in the park etc and I couldn't because I was at work and it was almost as though I was not as good a mum because of that.
I think being a mother can be the most amazing experience but also one of the most lonely.To be honest in those early days/weeks/months I dont know what i'd have done without MN

i feel sorry for mintyy. She was just trying to be helpful and, unfortunately, her post was taken the wrong way. No need to jump all over her. I bet she's wishing she hadn't bothered at all.

I have enough sympathy to extend to both. Just don't see the point of vilify someone who was obviously only trying to be helpful.