Do you have money you spouse doesn't know about?

[dooyoo]

I am a regular, but have changed my name as i THINK dh knows about my name on this site. The subject line says it all really.

Do any of you have a bank account that your partner does not know about?

Do you think it is wrong?

I ask because we are going through a rough patch at the minute and if we split i want to have some money for the kids more than anything.

Colditzmum, I absolutely would not judge you for that.

rhetorical question really, I didn't think anyone would really!

I have.....

Partner and I fortunately earn roughly the same amount and pay our household bills into an account equally. Then whats his is his and whats mine is mine....I chose to invest mine....He spends his at golfing days and a "quick" beer with his mates.

The reason why he doesn't know about it is because in the past when I have mentioned I have a bit of money put away he starts saying we need new garden fence or a new suite and so now we pay 50/50 and if I want that nice top or if the car breaks down then I have the money to fix it...

Not saying that I wouldn't help him out if an emergency came up but there is no reason why he should know what I have in my account the same as I dont need to ask him how much he spent down the bookies.

I have.....

Partner and I fortunately earn roughly the same amount and pay our household bills into an account equally. Then whats his is his and whats mine is mine....I chose to invest mine....He spends his at golfing days and a "quick" beer with his mates.

The reason why he doesn't know about it is because in the past when I have mentioned I have a bit of money put away he starts saying we need new garden fence or a new suite and so now we pay 50/50 and if I want that nice top or if the car breaks down then I have the money to fix it...

Not saying that I wouldn't help him out if an emergency came up but there is no reason why he should know what I have in my account the same as I dont need to ask him how much he spent down the bookies.

I have.....

Partner and I fortunately earn roughly the same amount and pay our household bills into an account equally. Then whats his is his and whats mine is mine....I chose to invest mine....He spends his at golfing days and a "quick" beer with his mates.

The reason why he doesn't know about it is because in the past when I have mentioned I have a bit of money put away he starts saying we need new garden fence or a new suite and so now we pay 50/50 and if I want that nice top or if the car breaks down then I have the money to fix it...

Not saying that I wouldn't help him out if an emergency came up but there is no reason why he should know what I have in my account the same as I dont need to ask him how much he spent down the bookies.

Sorry, I have no idea how that happened

I did until yesterday. Dh is so badly in debt that I had to bail him out.

i don't, but don't think it's wrong as a woman is likely to be left holding the baby as it were if you do split up, so I think it's in your child's best interests.

One of my collegues has a whole house her husband does not know about, she lived there before they married and she told her husband that it was sold and the money spent on a tax bill.......but actually she has kept the house and rents it out.

I personally alway's like to have a little something kept on one side just in case, I had a temporary split from my partner over a year ago now at my request and was so glad I had some money to fall back on.

A WHOLE HOUSE???

LOL

Bozza - I do believe I've found another MN 'twin'

I did but dh found out and we had a big row!

Yes I do, it is absolutely NO reflection on dp, simply a natural instinct for all our survival. I wouldn't hesitate to use it for him, or us, should the need arise. I have never sneaked/ciphoned "his" money, but if I ever did it would probably be if he had more than he knew and I would keep it for him if/when he needed it.

We have separate savings, but I 'control' the finances (which mostly means looking after them, with the potential to transfer all of his savings to me if I feel so inclined!). I can't imagine ever relinquishing control of my own dosh, although don't currently feel the need to hide them from him should he ever ask. At the mo he's quite happy for me to get on with things - I show him his credit card bill once a month so he's seen it, and that's about it!

no not at the moment because I don't earn enough to put any away, any surplus goes on horse lessons, children's clothes etc..

So, would it be OK for him to have a secret account?

no, he doesn't and wouldn't.

No, I don't have any secret stashes of cash of my own. But I do manage all our finances myself and DH doesn't really have a clue how much we've got or how it's invested. I could probably quite easily put some by in a different account without telling him and he'd never be any the wiser, but he trusts me absolutely and I'm absolutely trustworthy (of course!) so would never do anything underhand. We share everything and always have.

Second wife had the best plan for home & personal finances. Roughly, the plan was...
One account each, plus a joint account.
Both wages paid into joint account.
Calculation done on routine spends plus planned major spends (also saving/investments). Money to cover these home spends left in joint account, along with an amount for restaurant type joint bills.
Surplus (i.e. above aforementioned spends) divided equally into personal accounts after an allowance for whoever was expected to have the higher "joint leisure" expenditure e.g. who always pays the joint bar bill (me).

I always paid the leisure bills, from my account but it was from joint earnings. After that, we both had the same amount to spend on personal choices - no arguements, no need to consult the other - and if one of us was short of cash it was our own fault.

The system would be reviewed and fine-tuned every year. It was an excellent system.

No need for secret accounts - if one of us wanted to save instead of spend, that was fine.

Hi Dooyoo, Hope you are well. I completely understand your secret treasure. I think I would do it for the following reasons. 1.Even though my husband gives me a personal amnd household allowance, it will still never be like the money I earn myyself. The latter being a completely emotional feeling. 2.If you are a responsible person with perhaps a few people relying on you, it is a way of proactively protecting that circle. I would describe this action as prudent. 3.Money at the end of the day is a shalllow commodity, as long as your household is doing fine and noone is really suffering, why should it make a difference that you are putting a little away for security reasons.

ive always had my own account. when i moved in with ds's dad he put my name on his account. his wages went into that one and as i got paid in cash i would buy the shopping, clothes etc. he knew i still had my account, it was no secret and he was never interested in what was in it anyway. i was secretly saving in there though as i knew from quite early on our relationship wouldnt last.

I think it is sensible to have a secret pot of cash if it takes the pressure of you re worrying about job losses or problems with a car etc. I think it is really important to discuss finances openly with your partner but I don't think that means either has the right to dictate how it is spent or invested. As long as both partners care equally for the family there shouldn't be an issue.