Is DH being a bit selfish???

[jac34]

We have very little money to spend on ourselves, because DH and I both work part time, to share child care.
We have a small overdraft but no credit card debts, car loans, HP loans etc. We try to live within our means.
Dh loves golf and pays and plays whenever he can, but now he has been accepted to join a golf club, they want the remaining fees for this year up front(£450), then in September he can pay by direct debit every month(£47).
I know this is cheap by some club standards, and it will work out cheaper than him paying each time he plays, but as I would never consider spending this amount of money on myself, and we can't really afford it, I feel it's a bit selfish.
Am I right, or just being mean ????

That would be an idea, but I don't think there would be anything left after the bills were taken out.
Which is my point really, we just can't afford it !!
Anyway, I've always believed if you need seperate accounts, you don't trust you partner very much !!
And I do trust him, he would never just go ahead without a discussion.

Actually though may not be a bad idea, as he would have no pocket money and I would have loads as I'm the major bread winner !!!

Ah, no! The point is that you end up with the same amount of pocket money each!

No I think I like my way better!!!
Then I could buy a car for myself, because apparently, at the moment a second car is a luxury "we" can't afford.

Have just got to the point where DP and DS1 go off and play golf together. Well they only go to the driving range and "knock a few balls" as DS1 is only 5 but they're gone for a couple of hours. DP bought him a junior golf club for his birthday and they went to the shop and picked it out together. It's been a real bonding experience for them as it's always been up to me to entertain the kids as DP just can't be bothered with soft play, swimming, playgrounds etc. Finally I get a bit of time to just spend with the baby and last time they went out DS2 was asleep and I sat in the garden and read Heat - bliss!!

As for the financial situation.... don't get me started! I would dearly love to do exactly as dkdad and others have suggested but my DP won't have it. I have only been back at work for a month after having a year off with baby. DP earns twice as much as me and pays most of the bills. I pay for domestic stuff like childcare, shopping etc. I really resent this as it's like womens/mens things and it causes so many problems. I need a car to get to work and so we are in the process of buying one. Just a little old banger to get form a to b but the one we have seen is going to cost about a grand. DP now says "whose going to pay for this?". My answer is "we are" but because we don't have a joint account it has to be one or the other. I have no money left over from my job as our nursery fees are so high and so he is going to have to pay for it. Now I am made to feel guilty that he is buying me a car - whereas it should be WE are buying an extra car for THE FAMILY. I really want to get a joint account but DP won't and I'm sure it's because he thinksI will go and spend his money on frivolous things - which I wouldn't. Ijust want to fell like we are a proper family and we make finacial decisions together.

I'm so sorry to highjack this thread and have a big rant but once I started I just coulnd't stop!!

Can understand your point about the car.
As I payed more than half for our existing car, I feel I should, at least have equal shares.
DH has it all the time, for work and his days off with the kids.He could quite easily catch the train to work, only 2 min from our house, and about a 10 min journey.
I however, have to ferry two 4yo around on public transport on days off, and have a 45 min walk to work, 3 days a week(no bus route).
But of course if DH gave me the car while in work, he would not be able to skive off to play golf.

jac34 - I think it's a bit unfair that you have to work 45 mins to work. could you not share the car so you have it a couple of days at work each?

Sorry, I meant walk.

We could but like I said, if DH gave me the car, he could not finish early and go off playing golf.
But then, a car of my own is classed as a luxury !!
I would not want a fancy one, in fact the money he is planning on paying the golf club for the whole of the year would almost cover it !!!
Which is why I'm so annoyed really, I've gone without, for the sake of the family finances I can't see why he can't do the same.

doormat, I believe I heard that story about the car having a fight with a golf club a few days after it happened. LOL And I heard the same story earlier today. Guess Who?

washer, you really suit that name.LOL back to you.P>S I'm glad you joined. HaHa.

jac34 I've been there. My DH plays golf which I sort of support as his main/almost only hobby but it can get expensive - there's always something else he needs equipment-wise. And he will come up with why its so important to upgrade it at this very moment (eg bargain offer) despite the fact that we're skint that month and I will blow my top and then gradually come round and he gets it. So to that extent I feel I am being taken advantage of. But he hardly drinks, doesn't socialise much in pubs, just at the golf club and has cut down drastically on his clothes/CD spending so I feel like we have achieved some compromise. The time thing is that he plays Sat afternoon and Sun morning but back by 11 (ie up and out before DS and I are awake) which leaves most of the day free.

But we have only one DS and things have improved for us financially that it is not such a burden. I spend more on clothes and going out than DH but still don't think I will match the golf club (£650 annual fee plus other expenses). If you can't really afford it I think your idea that he work one Saturday a month to fund it is an ideal compromise. You are giving up family time for him to earn his fees as well as him having to work so its not all one-sided. Whats his problem with this idea? Maybe that could just be for the summer until your boys go to school - then you could work out the childcare saving and split it. Although you say you don't like separate accounts. But things would be much less tight by then so maybe it would be less of an issue. I agree with you about separate accounts actually although a lot of people prefer them. I think I would struggle to categorise expenditure.

Here is one of my favourite jokes.
Seems agood place to put it.

At a recent antenatal class, The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and
the instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with
informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of
the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies,gentle exercise is good for you. Walking is
especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the
time to go walking with your partner!"

The room got really quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group
raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher.

"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

LOL, Jasper,
We have decided on a compromise, and he's off to pay his fees today(when he skives off to play again).
Come September, there will be no problem with the money, and we've decided that when we buy a new car, then perhaps we can keep the old one on as well !!!
I bet there are loads more golf jokes out there though, or are there other things that get your backs up, cricket, fishing, football ???
What I find quite funny, is that, most men would like to look at porn on the internet, DH looks at pictures of golf clubs on ebay !!!