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Original poster

Is there anything wrong with my husband.

36 replies

sado · 11/03/2003 14:12

I have changed name for this posting as I am deeply sad and do not want regulars to think bad of me.

I am in a terrible relationship, my DH is a mean man and makes me so sad. Nothing I ever do is right, he moans about the housework and I suspect that he is cheating on me. He has done so in the past. He slept with my (now ex) best friend. I do not seem to have the strength to do anything about it. When I mention leaving him he laughs at me and tells me he will help me pack. He has not ever raised a finger on me, which is good isn't it. I am sure that if it was not for DD (who he adores) then he would leave me. How do I get him to love me again.

Please do not judge me.

OP posts:
whymummy · 13/03/2003 16:58

whats going on in here?? why are you picking on mum2toby?sado wrote a very sad message asking for advice and we gave it to her as simple as that if you dont want advice then dont write,sado said thank you for our concern and thats the main thing!!

bells2 · 13/03/2003 17:09

errr, I certainly wasn't picking on anybody. Simply giving an abstract view on criticism in a relationship.

mum2toby · 13/03/2003 17:14

Cheers whymummy.

Bells2 - I don't think whymummy meant you, I think that was more directed at annonamouse and Lindy?? I think you made a very valid point.

Original poster
sado · 13/03/2003 17:18

I have just read this thread again and can not believe that it has become nasty.

I would like to that mum2toby, for being so honest with her views, it really made me realise what DH was doing was completely wrong, I agree some critism is okay, but dh went far beyond that and it took mum2toby's comment to make me realise that it was completely wrong.

I had to put up with comments like "eat another biscuit and you'll have to move to the zoo and live with the other hippo's" I am a size 16 so not obese or anything.

I took something from all your comments, please do not attack mum2toby, she spoke from her heart and that took guts. I know a lot of the times people only say what they think we want to hear (I know I have done it myself) Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, neither one is right or wrong.

I have informed DH any more comments like that I will go and find someone who does appreciate me. I am 5ft 7 in and weigh 13 stone, so I do not consider myself too-big, I am okay with my size, and if he doesn't like that, then its his loss. As you can tell I am feeling better today, I think DH knows I am serious and is bending over backwards to be nice.

Lets mnot fall out anymore, I feel like I am back at school and got someone into trouble.

Lets have a truce on this one please.

OP posts:
whymummy · 13/03/2003 17:43

(((((((hugs sado)))))))

Original poster
sado · 15/03/2003 08:10

Well the past few days have been a real eye opener.

I went out with my friend last night for a girls night out, I went to the hairdressers and got some new clothes and went out. DH jaw almost dropped to the floor. My friend and I had a lovely time. Got chatted up (this just made me realise how much I love my DH). When I got in I was pumped for information about my whole night, I didnt mind because he was obviously so jealous.

I really do not know what has come over me these last few days, but I like it. DH I am not sure about, he made a comment and and I quick as a flash replied "Does trying to put me down make you feel better, why is that?", he could not reply to that.

He is making am effort and sometimes I want to run away and hide, but I am not showing this to him. I know he is wondering why the big change.

Hope it lasts.

Anonnamouse, I hope you are okay.

OP posts:
whymummy · 15/03/2003 08:46

good for you sado!!you should go out and have fun more often as it does boost your confidence and that`s what you need right now,good luck!!

mum2toby · 17/03/2003 08:06

WELL DONE SADO!!!!

JayTree · 17/03/2003 08:40

Good for you - sounds like you have had a major boost to your self esteem and had a great time. Next time, how about dressing up and getting DH to take you up for a slap up meal - let him see other?s reaction to you and it might help open his eyes to re-appreciate you more again. We all need a push now and again to make an effort. I never wear makeup and am a bit of a slob since the birth of dd. Fortunately for me, my dh has never criticised me but my lack of effort and lower self esteem inevitably takes a toll on our relationship in more subtle and equally detructive ways. Recently we both went on a diet and made a big effort to "lift our game plan" and make more time and effort for each other. Now we have a much happier and loving relationship and only now realise what a lull we were in before. I didn?t make an effort just for him - I did it for both of us and it piad off. If your dh still loves you like you imply, then hopefully this will spur him on to positive action as well and you can put the recent past where it belongs. Stay positive and keep at it. Throughout all your very moving and sad posts, your love and loyalty to him shines through - if he is worth it and holds up his end of the relationship from now, on I am sure you can make it.
(Sorry - rambling poster, longer than intended!!)

Lindy · 17/03/2003 20:28

Good news Sado - hope everything continues to go well for you. Best wishes.

Bugsy · 18/03/2003 10:08

Top stuff Sado. So glad to hear you are feeling good about yourself and more positive about how to deal with your dh.

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