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Original poster

help me settle an arguement with mil

31 replies

huggybear · 09/03/2005 13:48

At ds2's first b'day this weekend there will be some children with food allergies. A coupla are gluten free and i think there maybe a peanut allergy. Gluten free i have delt with but my mil says its okay to have peanuts in a bowl on the table whereas i think we should exclude peanuts completly as it can be serious for a sufferer if they come into contact with them and also because they are a chocking hazard. I know there will be adults there and they'll want adult food but at the end of the day its a babies party and the kids cant be watched every secand of the day. Mil is insistant that there will be peanuts (and salmon sandwiches - yuk) and she is doing the shopping and preparing all the food. DO you think im right and do you think its reasonable for me to stamp my feet and demand there are no peanuts or am i being silly?

OP posts:
pixiefish · 09/03/2005 13:49

NO Peanuts. Somew kids are so allergic to them that they can't even be in the same room as them

Freckle · 09/03/2005 13:50

Regardless of allergies, I would say no peanuts at all with children the age of your ds2 around. Just asking for trouble.

amynnixmum · 09/03/2005 13:51

STAMP YOUR FEET. Peanut allergy can be fatal! You are not being silly at all.

tarantula · 09/03/2005 13:51

yep agree with PF some kids are very allergic to peanuts. Its rare but better not take the risk. and they are as you say a chocking hazzard.

Marina · 09/03/2005 13:52

NO PEANUTS. I very stupidly sent ds in with a Tracker bar to school once and its very presence in the classroom once unwrapped gave an allergic schoolfriend a minor asthma attack. I was mortified, although the little lad was fine. But if being near peanuts can do that...
Astonishing how this is a generational thing. My parents, who dined off turnips and coal dust through WW2 if they are to be believed, firmly think that modern kids and their parents make all these allergies up...

Xena · 09/03/2005 13:52

Peanut allergy is far and away more serious than most allergys (I am in no way belittling Ceolics, my neice is one) I would take no chance with the peanut thing. At DS's last school someone with peanut allergy sat at the tale after someone who had peanut butter and was admitted to hospital 30 mins later

FairyMum · 09/03/2005 13:52

No peanuts! I am sure your mil can cope for a few hours without peanuts?

laneydaye · 09/03/2005 13:53

NO WAY huggie tell her its not even an issue, accidents often happen with kids.... pixiefish is right , not worth it

Miriam2 · 09/03/2005 13:54

Definitely no peanuts. There's no way 2 year olds will be able to stop themselves touching them and as you say you can't watch them all the time. MIL being rather pigheaded...think you should insist!

Gwenick · 09/03/2005 13:56

No peanuts - I have horrible memories of a boy at school who had a peanut allergy.

We were singing in a concert at the Usher hall and I was 'late' to the rehearsal because of another concert at my church. As a present from the church I'd been given a box of chocolates and without thinking offered one round to all my friends - including the boy allergic to peanuts. He did't take one with nuts in it - just a plain chocoalte one and it didn't occur to any of us about the 'nuts' issue (he was only 11 and not the brightest spark in the world so definitely didn't occur to him).

30 minutes into the concert he suddenly ran out (anyone that knows the usher hall in Edinburgh will know the choir stalls at the back - he was right in the middle of them and it was a full house!). Thankfully he had his allergy jab thing (sorry don't know the name LOL) with him and the headmistress gave him that and he was then rushed into hospital thankfully he was ok...........to say I was shaken up would be an understatement and I felt AWFUL about it for a long time afterwards - even now - 10yrs on still remember it.

any chance of a peanut allergy - don't have any.

wilbur · 09/03/2005 13:57

No peanuts! Just don't take the risk. Many mothers (like me) who come from families with allergy problems avoid giving their lo's peanuts until about three because of advice from allergy specialists. Also the choking hazard is a real one and at a 2 yr old b'day party no child will be watched all the time. My MIL brought a tin of mixed nuts to ds's 3rd b'day and even then, I left them in the cupboard. She was cool when I explained about it - esp as one of her friends' children had died from a nut allergy reaction in her teens . Tell your MIL thank you very much but that peanuts are just not worth the hassle and frown factor.

piffle · 09/03/2005 13:58

no!!!!!!!!!

NomDePlume · 09/03/2005 13:59

Stamp. No peanuts, both from an allergy pov and from a choking hazard pov.

handlemecarefully · 09/03/2005 14:01

If there is a child attending with a peanut allergy then NO, NO, and NO to peanuts or any peanut containing product (check labels)

Shame on your MIL

survivour · 09/03/2005 14:08

Stick to your guns huggybear. mum knows best, and in this case, I mean YOU.....

PrettyCandles · 09/03/2005 14:17

Perfectly reasonable not to have peanuts. If your mum wants 'adult' snacks, have some pitted olives.

WestCountryLass · 09/03/2005 14:20

No peanuts!!! Not a good idea with young kids around but as you know there is a child with a peanut allergy I jsut would not risk it. Sabotage the peanuts, accidently squirt a load of washing up liquid all over them

Original poster
huggybear · 09/03/2005 14:20

I cant understand her attitude because she has ceoliacs! She thinks that just because she is paying for it that any decisions have been taken out of my hands. She has always brushed me off as if i am a child and speaks to me in front of people in the same way. Maybe because shes on the council she thinks everyone has to listen to he and she has authority - she has to realise that she has none over me

she looks after sils kids all week and i gasp at how dangerous the house is. Think of any 'how not to do it' picture and your there. Ironing boards with the cords hanging down and the iron turned on, knitting needles, pins on the floor, i could go on forever and dont even get me started on car seats

apparently she has bought up three kids already and nothing ever happened to them... i just cant stop myself from thinking... yet

i will not have peanuts at ds2s party, i wont i wont I WONT

OP posts:
PrettyCandles · 09/03/2005 14:23

What we would consider carelessness is a very common attitude among our parents. WCL's idea is very good IMO - if your mum won't listen to you, then have an 'accident' with the peanuts .

pinkroses · 09/03/2005 15:42

I have a nut allergy and it is really serious. If I smell peanuts, I am violently ill. I don't think this should even be an issue with your MIL. How would she feel if a small child ate nuts and was rushed to hospital.

Allergies are serious, but also small children can choke on peanuts....they are a very dangerous food.

champs · 09/03/2005 18:06

no peanuts! esp as kiddies with known allergies will be there. i dont like nuts around young children coz of choking i also dont have hard sweeties around for same reasons.
silly question-- can presence of peanut on hands bring on an allergic reaction if you touch someone with allergy? I say this coz just the touch of orange rind/grass and other iritants can make me get hives/rash/bumps. could be worth thinking about if you have peanuts present.

gothicmama · 09/03/2005 18:33

be safe exclude completly as in some people teh smell or even the touch of someone who has been 'contaminated ' can sett of a reaction - also if there not there there can be no accidents (too many there's)

Caligula · 09/03/2005 18:52

I'd throw the bloody peanuts at her, quite frankly.

Why are some people so bloody-minded? Why is it so difficult to remove a life-threatening risk? How will it spoil the party?

Aaaaaaargh! I don't know why, but the thought of your MIL has made me livid! (Perhaps she reminds me of my mother - that could be it! )

beatie · 09/03/2005 19:30

I'm sorry you have to deal with such a MIL. I fear my MIL would have a very similar attitude. She doesn't believe in stairgates.

I am lucky in that my DH always plays middleman between MIL and me. Actually, he just naturally shares my opinion and voices his opinion to her, but it takes the pressure off me. Could you get your dh/dp to have a word with her?

Stilltrue · 09/03/2005 19:35

Why on earth does she think peanuts are so crucial at a 1 year old's birthday party? What's wrong with the woman? They'd be completely unsuitable for the babies, quite apart from the allergy issue.
As for the adult guests, surely they can have any number of alternative and safe snacks. What a ridiculous woman. Why not print this off and let her read the replies to your post, unless you think it would start ww3...