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Original poster

Is depression taken seriously enough?

151 replies

Peaches · 14/04/2001 00:03

I've had depression for three years and to me it seems like the modern society still has not moved forward in this area.I feel that it is not being taken seriously.My G.P handed out prozac and for a while I believed I would get better taking this drug everyday.I haven't taken this drug for four months now and I don't miss it.In fact I can't work out what it actually did for me.What I needed was to be able to talk.I had therapy sessions (only temporary mind you then she left and never was replaced),they were the best thing for me. I could vent my anger out about how I felt and she would never judge me just ask me to think about why I was actually feeling the way I did. I not saying the drugs should not be used, but the doctors should not hand them out so easily.The older generation were always told to get on with their lives,feeling depressed and low was not a complaint you went to the doctors with twenty years ago.Does anyone else feel they haven't been treated the way they should have been. We need greater support barriers, we do not need to be waiting months on the NHS waiting list to see shrinks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peaches · 02/05/2001 19:22

Just to let you know today hasn't been too bad.The thing is I'm suffering with insommnia at the mo and wasn't asleep until around half two this morning.Not good as my two kids are up at half six and I don't have the energy to get up to them.Anyway hope you are all ok.
Take Care
Peaches

P.s Thanks Jodee for your kind words!

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Twinsmum · 02/05/2001 20:13

Peaches, have you tried any of the herbal sleeping remedies? Insomnia gets you into a terrible vicious circle and sleep deprivation is very very difficult to cope with whne you've got young children. When I was at my worst I did actually use a very small dose of a prescribed sleeping pill as well. (I used half of the usual minimum dose and only used it once or twice a week for a couple of months.) This just gave a bit of relief from the endless nights. Once things had started to improve a bit I used Nytol etc for a while.

Original poster
Peaches · 02/05/2001 20:53

Hi,me again.Twinsmum,I have used a prescibed sleeping pill before.I'm waiting for my doc's appointment (14th May).That is when I'm going in there with my full list of problems (ha,ha).Does Nytol work then?Let me know and I can try that in the meantime.Are your children young then?,and you must have twins.How do you cope?

Take Care
Peaches

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Tigger · 03/05/2001 09:41

Peaches, you can get anti-depressants that also help you sleep, I did have them as I couldn't sleep for any longer than about 4 hours and then didn't want to get up in the morning. Maybe the sleeping tablets are not suitable for your current medication, mention everything to your GP and if you are not happy with your current medication then tell him/her that it is not working, and you want to try something else that helps in both depression and sleeping.

Speak to you soon and take care.

Twinsmum · 03/05/2001 18:27

Hi Peaches...yes mine are toddlers. The sleeping tablets began with a 'z' (not very useful, I know). I could take them with anti depressants but you'd obviously hav to check with doc. You can get Nytol and lots of other similar things at Boots. I think with that you have to try and go to bed as relaxed as poss (difficult I know). Do the whole warm bath thing first. They certainly weren't strong enough when I was in a real state but they helped later when I was starting to get a bit better. If you've got a good local chemist you could ask them for advice on the best one to try (also check that they're ok to mix with any medication you're taking.)
Good luck with your doctors appointment. I know this is obvious and every body always say it, but take a list in with you to make sure you ask about everything you wanted to.
Let me know how you get on.
(PS> I went back to work part time and the boys go to nursery while I'm there. That's how I cope...time for myself. I have a fairly stressful job, but going to work is nothing like as hard as looking after young children. I have nothing but respect for full time stay at home mums.

Original poster
Peaches · 04/05/2001 19:39

God,it's the weekend again.Doesn't time fly.Just wanted to say hello.I'm wondering how you are all doing?
Chat soon,
Peaches

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Winnie · 04/05/2001 20:19

Hi Peaches, I hope you are okay(?). I was wondering, and I hope you don't mind me asking, but what is it about the weekend that makes it so unbearable for you? Maybe if you could pin point the triggers to your very low points you 'd be some way to helping yourself deal with it. Just a thought. Thinking of you. Hope this weekend is better.

Jac · 05/05/2001 09:38

Hi peaches, hope you're ok. I've just noticed the ages of your children. Mine are just 2 and 4.5. It's really tough with 2. My depression started very soon after the 2nd was born. I could not believe the change. One was 'easy' compared to two.

Thinking of you.

Original poster
Peaches · 05/05/2001 11:15

Hi to everyone,
Well it's been quite quiet so far.I didn't want to get out of bed,but hey who does on a Saturday morning.At the moment my husband and our friend are out in our back garden digging up the top soil to lay new turf and my eldest is sitting in her buggy watching them so at the moment at least the house is silent.My youngest is fast asleep.I had to struggle to have a bath,I hate having a bath when there is so much noise.I just can't relax.I don't feel too stressed right now though.Peace and quiet definelty does you good.It gives me a chance to type how I'm really feeling without any distractions.
Hi Jac,
My depression started after my first.To this day I feel so much guilt because I hardly paid her any attention during her first two years,only what was necessary.I didn't do what you are supposed to,you know take them to toddler group,to the park etc.Sometimes I would stay in 3 or 4 days at a time,would keep my curtains closed and wouldn't even attempt to get dressed.My little girl would always be clean and properly dressed though.I didn't want people thinking I couldn't cope.Inside though I knew that it was all a show and I really hated my life.Then my youngest came along and I tried really hard with both of them.The birth was a bit better and I wasn't so ill.I think it's true what they say about bonding straight after birth.The better the birth the better chance you have towards feeling that big burst of love.What I'm trying to say Jac is that I am still frustrated with my life.Some days the kids annoy me to bits,even to the stage where I get so angry I cry but then the next day I start again.I'm trying to make the most of things.I think you know what I mean.I'm hear if you ever need to talk.
Hi Winnie,
God,hope I'm not boring everyone.It just seems to be pouring out so I will keep writing until I know I've said what I needed to say.What makes your weekend worthwhile to you then?I really like quiet time,like now.It gives me a chance to think and get things done like housework etc.I'm doing lots of washing at the moment because of the nice weather.How old is your baby?How many children do you have?I don't know,why does it seem that everyone else copes better than me.I suppose it depends how strong you are.Are you a strong person Winnie?
Anyway I think I've bored you too much already so I'll leave another message either tonight or tomorrow.Let me know how your weekends are going.
Take Care,
Peaches

OP posts:
Batters · 05/05/2001 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twinsmum · 06/05/2001 18:09

Peaches, Do you think having an hour or so just to yourself every saturday morning would help? So that you knew you could laze in bed/ have a bath/read the papers (whatever) in peace. If so would your husband take both the children out for a little while on his own? This would at least give you something to look forward to at the start of the weekend. Or if you like shopping...go for an hour on your own in the afternoon. Whatever it is...I think you need to know that you can do it on a regular basis (even once a fortnight) so that you can look forward to it.
You really musn't feel guilty. You have an illness and need proper treatment. You should be proud of the fact that no matter how bad you have felt you have kept your family together and kept the kids clean etc etc. It really is an achievement. When you eventually get better you will be able to do anything after coping with all that.
Just out of interest....did you ever suffer from depression in the past - before the birth of your children?

Original poster
Peaches · 06/05/2001 20:38

I get alot of help from my husband.It's the times he's not around that I tend to really struggle.Sometimes I feel that I just can't cope with two children making demands at me all the time.I mean we can't even eat a family meal without bickering and my kids aren't even at school yet.Why can't I just have a quiet family life?I didn't want to be reminded of when I was younger,all the arguments at home,pretending to be happy etc.Twinsmum,they thought I had post-natal depression but after a few therapy sessions they diagnosed me with depression and that's when they put me on prozac.You must think I'm a real saddo,but I can't seem to shake this low ebb.It's not doing my kids any good but I'm trying to be strong for them.Anyway I'm hoping all your weekends are going well and I'll leave a message soon.Please let me know how you are all doing.
Take Care,
Peaches

OP posts:
Winnie · 07/05/2001 10:54

Peaches you are not a 'saddo'! Yesterday I read an extract in The Observer about the writer Andrew Solomon's experience of depression and it was extremely moving! I was in the car on my way to Wales at the time and I kept thinking of you and this is the first opportunity I've had to get on line and post a message to you. I agree with Twinsmum, if you have time to yourself, perhaps that would help. You ask about my weekends, well... I get time to myself to do with what I like without partner or children (usually just a few hours on a Saturday morning); Sundays are always 'family days'come what may and my partner and I always try to do something with out the children at some point over the weekend (usually of an evening). It is a balancing act and it doesn't always work but it keeps everything in perspective.

You ask about my children; my daughter is eleven and my son almost seven months old. The shock of my sons presence in our lives, combined with my no longer going out to work (which I've always done)contributed to some very low moments for me. I seriously thought I might be 'going mad'... I know the tell, tell signs of depression closing in (although I've never been diagnosed with depression and may simply have depressive tendencies)... I beat myself up about it somewhat, feeling like a failure for not wanting to be at home with my lovely baby boy,I decided that I am not good at 'staying at home' and therefore the simple solution is to return to work which I shall be doing in the not too distant future. My outlook has changed dramatically since that decision and although returning to work will not be easy (feeling guilty) I know that I am a better Mum at work that at home.

What I really want to say to you is, don't be so hard on yourself, I know you won't believe me but you will get better!

Original poster
Peaches · 07/05/2001 18:27

Hi Winnie,
We can never really enjoy things as a family.Today we went out for lunch and the whole time I was tense.Both of my children were either not eating or misbehaving.My husband loses his temper really easily and gets stressed with them.My daughter and him are alway's having battles and she's not even three yet.I have been attending family sessions at our local social services centre. Although sometimes I feel we are making progress my husband does not attend as he has to work.So anything I learn about boundary settings etc just goes out the window because we are parenting on different levels.He does try but she just seems to push him,I mean she upsets me alot by calling me stupid.It reminds me of when I was young and my dad use to call me it.It's not very nice to hear that from a little girl.

It sounds to me like you've got a very supportive husband,that's great.There is quite a big age gap between your two children though,how did your daughter deal with it.I remember really jealous of my sister when she came along and there is only a five year gap.Infact I still am quite jealous of the attention she gets.

Thanks for taking time out to chat to me,I appreciate it alot.I do take note of everbody's advice but sometimes the good things in life can't be arranged especially when there is no one around to babysit the children.My husband & I haven't been out on our own for about six months and sometimes that really gets to us,but we got ourselves into this so we shouldn't expect to go out without the children.

This discussion page is keeping me going so please keep in touch and let me know how you and your children are getting on.

Take Care Winnie and all of you,
Peaches

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Jac · 07/05/2001 19:41

Hi peaches and all

I know it's difficult not having anyone to help look after your children. Although I was in a position that the only person I wanted to look after mine was my mum and she works so only has them about every 3 months. On another board I think someone mentioned about students who can babysit, maybe ones that are doing childcare courses. Anyone know about this? Also what about working? You may be in a position (like me) that could not make enough money to pay for childcare fees. Does anyone know of ways around this, jobshare etc?

As Winnie has said that she feels she would be better at work (don't feel guilty Winnie), maybe you would. I know since I've been working for our business, although it's at home but my two go to nursery 1.5 days and the older goes to playgroup, I've definately been a changed person. Perhaps make some enquiries, just one at a time. Are you in touch with your health visitor, perhaps she could help or give you some advice on toddler groups (or maybe she could shake up the doctors in your practice by letting them know you need to talk to someone now). I know it's difficult to pick up the phone when feeling like this.

Have you tried self help. Amazon do some books on self help. If anyone can recommend any?

Sorry I'm rambling a bit, but I really want to make you feel better.

Take care, best wishes

Original poster
Peaches · 08/05/2001 19:46

Hi all,
Just a quick message to say that I'm thinking of you all.
Take Care,
Peaches

OP posts:
Tigger · 08/05/2001 20:02

Peaches, thinking of you, if I don't post before next monday, good luck with your GP and please tell the doc all your points you want to tell him/her. Also, please press for a change of medication, I feel that you need the same as me something to help you relax and sleep, sleep is the best cure and someone to talk to. If you want let me know and we can get in touch, I think we could ask Justiner for help in this matter, if she is LISTENING!!!, good luck and love from me.

Original poster
Peaches · 08/05/2001 21:00

Hi Tigger,
If you don't mind I'd like to get in touch,I don't have many people I can talk to about the way I feel sometimes.Let me know how we can get in touch,maybe we can email each other to start with.By the way who's Justiner?

Hope you have a good week,chat soon!
Peaches

OP posts:
Winnie · 09/05/2001 07:23

Hi Peaches,

Just to say I am thinking of you. How have the past few days been? Best wishes

Original poster
Peaches · 09/05/2001 18:48

Hi all,
How have you been?The weather in this country is so messed up,where is the sunshine that brightened our skies yesterday?I'm starting to believe that generally you feel better when it's warm and sunny.I'm finding things hard but then that's nothing new.I hope you are o.k,and just to let you know that you in my thoughts.
Take Care,hope to hear from you soon
Peaches

OP posts:
Original poster
Peaches · 09/05/2001 18:50

Winnie,just to let you know I'm grateful for your support and want you to know that I'm here if you ever need to chat about anything too.

OP posts:
Winnie · 10/05/2001 07:58

Peaches...hi...thanks for the message. I do agree with you that the weather can make all the difference to ones mood. My partner and I both loathe being shut in doors so we have become adept at tuning into when either needs to get out. I endeavour not to let the weather get tthe better of me. Before the 'foot & mouth crisis' we would just take off to a forest near by or a mountain or a beach and when we can't do that I just put the baby in the buggy and set off treading the tarmac locally. I love walking whatever the weather and I am making the most of it whilst the baby is still in a buggy. It is very theraputic. It gives me time to think, calm down and refocus... but I am waffling...sorry!
I hope that you are okay(?) Take care

Original poster
Peaches · 10/05/2001 18:44

Hi Winnie,
Did you have nice weather today?It wasn't too bad where I am.I do get out when I can but at the moment I'm still using a double buggy.My eldest daughter still has urges to run out in front of cars so for my peace of mind I'm pushing the metal trolley around(They are really heavy aren't they?)I do have a buggy board but she's bored with that.Don't children control their parents,anything for a peaceful life.My doc's appointment is Monday.It's come round quick.Hopefully I'll get my point across.Anyway take care and I will leave a message soon.

OP posts:
Winnie · 11/05/2001 09:43

Hi Peaches... I've never had a double buggy but as life with a buggy takes on a whole new meaning (having to completely avoid all kinds of places which don't cater for buggies and those that do usually involving a lengthy diversion) I sympathise. A double buggy can only mean twice the trouble! The weather here yesterday was good (we live in Wiltshire) and, amongst a miriad of other things to do, I took my baby to the park. Now he is sitting he could have his first go on a swing which he loved... he screamed so much when we had to leave! I don't think i am ever going to be able to use the park as a short cut again! But seriously it was lovely.

It is good that (despite the horrendous waite) you feel that your doctors appointment has come around quickly. Maybe you could use this thread to pick up on all the things you need to go over. Take a list, it really is the only way to remember everything and good luck. Will be thinking of you.

Jac · 11/05/2001 20:23

Yes good luck for Monday Peaches I'll be thinking of you too. In the meantime I hope this weather continues over the weekend, I am a firm believer that the weather makes a big difference to what mood I'm in.

Take care, Luv Jac