Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

I'm a bit shocked. GP just yelled at my 6 year old dd!

141 replies

handlemecarefully · 12/09/2008 18:38

Have just been to see the doctor. Had 4 year old and 6 year old with me - I'm trying to describe things as objectively as possible:

I sat down and the two children both tried to sit on the one chair next to me and squabbled - I had stern words and they pretty much immediately stopped (took about 30 seconds). They then went over to the box of toys. We started the consultation...

3 minutes into the consultation dd came up to me having made a cat from lego and started to interrupt me (wanted to show me the cat) whilst I was talking to the doctor.

I was about to give her short shrift for interrupting, and to tell her to wait when, before I had the opportunity the Doctor erupted with:

SIT DOWN IMMEDIATELY AND DON'T INTERRUPT. I AM TALKING TO YOUR MOTHER!!!!

DD open and closed her mouth in shock a few times and then dissolved into floods of tears. I was a bit shocked and simply put my arm around her whilst trying to resume the conversation. The Doctor said nothing but looked a bit uncomfortable.

I have no issue with the content of what the doctor said but full scale bellowing . It was very heavy handed.

The doctor concerned is in his thirties and has young children of his own. He has always been pleasant on the two or three other occasions I have seen him. I imagine he must have had a very crappy day, but nevertheless he behaved inappropriately. The children weren't acting like little feral beasts

Not sure whether to just leave this or not....an RL friend thinks I should complain...I'm a bit torn because there is no real harm done, dd won't be scarred for life ...(she has just asked me to promise that we will never see him again if we have to go to the doctors in future),but on the other hand he was very wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
handlemecarefully · 14/09/2008 21:33

(oh and Bumperlicious, Soapbox, and LittleBella again..)

OP posts:
PavlovtheCat · 14/09/2008 21:39

handlemecarefully no I did not. She apologised straight away, but I felt it did not matter, not that I did not accept her apology but that she lost it with a child that was not her own. It was not a gentle telling off, it was quite frightening that she lost it 'I acted as if it was my son' which made me sad for how she acts with her son. I did not know what to say to be honest. I did not say it was ok though, when she apoligised, I just sat there and then made excuses and left (there were people present so did not make a scene.

However, there is also lots of other stuff going on with her own self, and I have not found her very pleasant recently anyway so have kept my distance, it is now too late to mention it,

I do not think I handled it well at all, and feel a bit guilty that I did not stand up for DD, to show her that no-one has the right to frighten her, whatever she does (don't take that to mean no-one can discipline her, but that DD should know some-one else cannot shout in a way I would never shout at her).

PavlovtheCat · 14/09/2008 21:40

DD is 2 btw.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 14/09/2008 21:43

Don't be too hard on yourself - the fact that you did not tell her that it was 'okay' when she apologised, and that you left soon after would have demonstrated that you were unhappy with this. So you did stand up for dd in effect....

OP posts:
Original poster
handlemecarefully · 14/09/2008 21:43

No wonder you were upset - rather bewildering and scary for a 2 year old

OP posts:
LittleBella · 14/09/2008 21:58

People who suddenly bellow at other people's kids are generally mad ime.

I do sometimes bellow at my own (apologise afterwards) but I'm simply not emotionally engaged enough to bellow at anyone else's. They simply don't rile me as much.

I'm also a bit surprised that so many people would genuinely think it's ok for other people to suddenly start shouting at their kids. I think that's really dysfunctional behaviour and I'm surprised others think it's normal. I've actually left a family gathering when 3 of my mad aunts and one of my mad uncles bellowed at my kids out of the blue for no reason, reducing them to tears and shocking them. I didn't want my children to think that was normal and on the way home in the car I explained to them that the reason we had left was because our relatives' behaviour was bonkers and I found it unacceptable.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 14/09/2008 22:08

I wouldn't be happy if anyone shouted at my kids without giving me the chance to discipline them first (which I would, but with a "please do not interrupt" and an apology to the GP) I'm guessing he knows he was out of order, but, trying to see his side, he may have had a day full of unruly kids whose parents DIDN'T say anything, and be at the end of his tether- which doesn't excuse him taking it out on YOUR dd, but might explain why he reacted that way. I'm a vet and I am often exasperated and frustrated by parents who allow their offspring to touch equipment and interrupt constantly, although I am more understanding with pre-school children, it is the older ones who take over the consultation that rub me up the wrong way- they contradict the parent every 2 seconds and don't let me get a sensible answer to any of my questions, and the parents just stand back and simper. I have in the past had to say to a parent "please don't allow your child to touch that bin- it contains discarded needles." or "Please could you keep your dd in here- there are bags of surgical waste (and cadavers!) in that other room" and they react like I have struck their child! Now, I am by no means saying YOUR dd behaved like this, but just possibly this is the kind of behaviour your GP has become accustomed to, and he let loose at the wrong person.

Anyway, I don't know if I would complain, but that is mostly because I hate bad feeling, and would be worried I would have an emergency and he would somehow be the only doctor available, which might be awkward at an already stressful time, iyswim? I think others are being a bit harsh on you- if you had posted about a shop assistant shouting at your dd, or a random person in a supermarket, I think for some reason you would have had a more sympathetic response. Hope your dd is ok.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 14/09/2008 23:28

lol LittleBella, I could have written your 2nd sentence myself!

You're rather unlucky though with not just one mad aunt but 3!

jooly, I think you are totally right. Something was 'building' for that GP all day, everything was going wrong and he let rip at the wrong person. Yep, we've all done it - infact, we see examples of it on Mumsnet all the time

OP posts:
1dilemma · 15/09/2008 01:24

I still think it is poor to imply just because someone parents differently from you they are not half the parent you are
sorry but I do.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 15/09/2008 12:24

We will have to agree to disagree

OP posts:
CrushWithEyeliner · 15/09/2008 12:43

Rather late to this but I think your GP is appalling to do that to a little girl. I do however think that it was something you should have addressed at the time - difficult I know in the thick of it. I would feel sorry for him and put it down to life's rich tapestry as I am sure you have.

How can anyone think this behavior is no big deal? Do people still perceive Doctors as God like figures who are untouchable?
I think, as they say, you had to be there before you can say what you would do if someone yelled at your child for no good reason.

Gunnerbean · 15/09/2008 12:43

Quite right 1dilemma, I totally agree with you.

As I said before, handlemecarefully clearly didn't appear to want to hear the views of anyone else unless they affirmed her own assessment of what had happened, and what should happen next.

Final lesson to her should perhaps be; don't ask for the opinions of strangers as frankness can sometimes cause offence....

LittleBella · 15/09/2008 12:44

I've got more than 3 mad aunts HMC. I've a surfeit.

ahundredbiros · 15/09/2008 12:55

No, no final lesson should be:

Learn to speak up at the time. That would have done it. Be confident. You should have said 'Had a long day?' in a disapproving way, and he'd have apologized.

SilentTerror · 15/09/2008 13:07

McDreamy,I have to find old toys for my Gp DH too!
I wouldn't complain TBH,mainly because I am lazy and never do anything I don't have to do.
I am sure he realised straight away he overreacted.I am uncomfortable with others telling my DCS off ,probably because it seems like an attack on me,but very often they may deserve it and it usually has more effect than any words from me!

1dilemma · 17/09/2008 22:01

actually 100biros that's a really good suggestion

I did complain to my GP once at the time (about waiting and queueing) he knew he was wrong and apologised couldn't have written about it too petty.

but HMC sounded like she was just a bit too stunned!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page