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Original poster

I'm a bit shocked. GP just yelled at my 6 year old dd!

141 replies

handlemecarefully · 12/09/2008 18:38

Have just been to see the doctor. Had 4 year old and 6 year old with me - I'm trying to describe things as objectively as possible:

I sat down and the two children both tried to sit on the one chair next to me and squabbled - I had stern words and they pretty much immediately stopped (took about 30 seconds). They then went over to the box of toys. We started the consultation...

3 minutes into the consultation dd came up to me having made a cat from lego and started to interrupt me (wanted to show me the cat) whilst I was talking to the doctor.

I was about to give her short shrift for interrupting, and to tell her to wait when, before I had the opportunity the Doctor erupted with:

SIT DOWN IMMEDIATELY AND DON'T INTERRUPT. I AM TALKING TO YOUR MOTHER!!!!

DD open and closed her mouth in shock a few times and then dissolved into floods of tears. I was a bit shocked and simply put my arm around her whilst trying to resume the conversation. The Doctor said nothing but looked a bit uncomfortable.

I have no issue with the content of what the doctor said but full scale bellowing . It was very heavy handed.

The doctor concerned is in his thirties and has young children of his own. He has always been pleasant on the two or three other occasions I have seen him. I imagine he must have had a very crappy day, but nevertheless he behaved inappropriately. The children weren't acting like little feral beasts

Not sure whether to just leave this or not....an RL friend thinks I should complain...I'm a bit torn because there is no real harm done, dd won't be scarred for life ...(she has just asked me to promise that we will never see him again if we have to go to the doctors in future),but on the other hand he was very wrong.

OP posts:
LittleBella · 12/09/2008 22:02

It might not be an easily forgettable slight fro a six year old though, might it?

I wouldn't necessarily complain formally, but I think this shows how crap the whole relationships with professionals things has got - it's now no longer possible to just have a quiet informal expression of disapproval, it's got to be a full blown process. Ridiculous.

traceybath · 12/09/2008 22:04

Umm i've had clients in industry reduce me to tears and have then had to deal with them a lot. And that was for something that was not my fault but it was my job to 'take the blame/tell the client the bad news'.

I think the OP decided not to complain and i agree with that but surely its not unreasonable to apologise if you make a mistake.

I apologise to my DS if i shout at him because i've lost my temper. I don't expect perfection from anyone - equally i don't think dr's are gods - they're fallible like everyone. Like i said if he'd just said sorry everything would have been fine.

TeacherSaysSo · 12/09/2008 22:25

LittleB, I guess that's the problem isn't it, too much paperwork, out of all proportion to the issue!..

emma1977 · 12/09/2008 22:44

I have never shouted at a child or told one off sternly, but goodness me have I been tempted to on occasion! I usually settle for a no-nonsense look and 'I would rather you didn't do that' or 'in a second please, I'm talking to your mum' if a child is destroying my room or constantly interrupting.

In my experience, very few parents these days say or do anything when a child is being disruptive during a consultation or touching things that they shouldn't, so far play to you for stepping in. I have had a child cause over 300 quids' worth of damage by picking up my auriscope and bashing it against my desk until it smashed. The mother said and did nothing and behaved as if it was a joke.

Tiramissu · 12/09/2008 22:47

Many years ago a G.P. in UK told me to 'go back to my country for treatment'(i was living in uk and was paying tax). Now this worth complaining i think. But write a complain because he told your dd off?
As for your dd being scared i think most of times children act according to our reaction. If you were 'shocked' then your dd picked that.
There are unfortunetely other things to shock you in life...

emma1977 · 12/09/2008 22:52

Tiramissu- that's awful!

FairLadyRantALot · 12/09/2008 23:26

in all mothers defence...I think we sometimes don't know anymore how we should react...because, we are all so fricking scared of being judged and having SS send upon us....because it's all abot positive parenting....and such....
not saying it right for a Kid to cause such damage , emma...but ykaim I hope

CostaRicanCod · 12/09/2008 23:30

are oyur kids a pita thought hmc?
rememebr the pub thing where oyu wer efrog marhced out for " being kids"

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 12/09/2008 23:41

Morningpaper - you may have a hard time believing it but he did bellow, and I am not exaggerating. This is why I didn't tackle him at the time. Frankly I was too surprised and trying to make sense out of what had actually happened, because his reaction was so disproportionate and unexpected. Dd had been playing quietly with the lego up until that point. I am quite sure some of the other patients in the waiting room overheard him yelling because they were scrutinising tearful dd with particular interest as we left his consultation room (lol, there is nothing like a minor bit of drama to brighten up a dull afternoons wait)

Upwind re : "Okay, I was sneery and shouldn't have been - but I am fairly sure that this GP merely told off a child who was not behaving appropriately" - You are right you shouldn't have been sneery. Also, you were not there, he wasn't "merely telling off" a child. I would have been quite happy for him to do that - I am all up for Community Parenting and the 'it takes a whole village to raise a child philosophy....', but he was shouting in an very intimidating way (intimidating to a 6 year old child at least).

Anyway at the end of the day, dd is made of stern stuff and has moved on...and so am I, but not without a couple of final points :

Tiramissu - your tale of damage to medical instruments is a shocker, but my dd was simply trying to show me a cat she had made from lego. Caught up in childish enthusiasm, she temporarily 'forgot' that she shouldn't interrupt. So really she is not quite in the same league as the destructive child nor I in the same league as the passive parent...

traceyb- you are right, an apology costs nothing. It would have gone a long way if he had acknowledged his 'mistake' there and then

and LittleBella and Bumperlicious, thanks...you know why

Good night all. Nercifully I shall shut up now

OP posts:
Original poster
handlemecarefully · 12/09/2008 23:42

Cod have you been on the bevvies again. Go and sleep it off!

OP posts:
Original poster
handlemecarefully · 12/09/2008 23:43

OOps I didn't shut up when I said I would. I will now

OP posts:
moondog · 12/09/2008 23:45

Leave it FGS.
I think it is good for people to be stern with kids.
We need more of it.
I had a newbabysitter tonight and told her to be quite mean with my two.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 12/09/2008 23:45

(now looking like a complete prat with verbal diarrhoea) - sorry it was emma1977 not tiramissu re the smashed medical instrument. Apols

OP posts:
Original poster
handlemecarefully · 12/09/2008 23:46

moondog - you are incorrigible.

OP posts:
moondog · 12/09/2008 23:47

It's true!
Nowt wrong with good old fashioned grumpy grown ups.

LittleBella · 12/09/2008 23:47

Did she tie them to the cot?

emma1977 · 12/09/2008 23:53

HMC- I think you meant me. I wasn't suggesting you child was destructive or that you were passive, just stating my experiences of less well-managed children and how frustrating it is as the GP to have to step in. I think this GP was out of order if he did flip at your dd- there is no need to be so rude, especially to a child.

FLRAL- I never cease to be amazed by the powers some people think we have! I would always much rather someone disciplined their child to be behave appropriately than act as though they are in a zoo.

FairLadyRantALot · 12/09/2008 23:57

of course emma...I am just saying you only have to look around mumsnet to see how easily people spout this is childabuse, involve ss...when realy the parent may just have tried to keep their brood in line....

As a parent of 2 pretty good and well behaved children and one a bit high strung child....honestly tis not the parenting everytime...but some Kids just don't respond to anything, it seems...well, to me...with very high strung, sometimes extremely bad mannered ds2 sigh!

mogthecat · 13/09/2008 00:05

personally i would complain.
it's out of order.

morningpaper · 13/09/2008 07:46

You could drop the GP an email explaining your concerns (briefly)

If you aren't going to see him again then you have nothing to lose

CostaRicanCod · 13/09/2008 09:08

hmm
yes i had
two glasses.
candour!

KristinaM · 13/09/2008 12:40

morning paper - yes she does have something to lose. the Gp could put her and her family off his list

morningpaper · 13/09/2008 13:24

nonsense, they aren't power-crazed maniacs

I've made about six formal complaints at my surgery and I'm still getting seen

LittleBella · 13/09/2008 13:42

You have a very tolerant GP then MP. When I was considering making a complaint about my GP, I spoke to the Patients Association about it and they said that there's a good chance the doctor would strike me off his list, as many do to patients who complain about them. Mind you that was six years ago, things could have changed since then, new contracts etc.

Majeika · 13/09/2008 13:44

I am all for other people telling my children off! I always tell Mums who are having my boys to treat them as they would their own.

At least your dd might think twice about interrupting in future!

i wouldnt do anything at all.