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Original poster

I'm a bit shocked. GP just yelled at my 6 year old dd!

141 replies

handlemecarefully · 12/09/2008 18:38

Have just been to see the doctor. Had 4 year old and 6 year old with me - I'm trying to describe things as objectively as possible:

I sat down and the two children both tried to sit on the one chair next to me and squabbled - I had stern words and they pretty much immediately stopped (took about 30 seconds). They then went over to the box of toys. We started the consultation...

3 minutes into the consultation dd came up to me having made a cat from lego and started to interrupt me (wanted to show me the cat) whilst I was talking to the doctor.

I was about to give her short shrift for interrupting, and to tell her to wait when, before I had the opportunity the Doctor erupted with:

SIT DOWN IMMEDIATELY AND DON'T INTERRUPT. I AM TALKING TO YOUR MOTHER!!!!

DD open and closed her mouth in shock a few times and then dissolved into floods of tears. I was a bit shocked and simply put my arm around her whilst trying to resume the conversation. The Doctor said nothing but looked a bit uncomfortable.

I have no issue with the content of what the doctor said but full scale bellowing . It was very heavy handed.

The doctor concerned is in his thirties and has young children of his own. He has always been pleasant on the two or three other occasions I have seen him. I imagine he must have had a very crappy day, but nevertheless he behaved inappropriately. The children weren't acting like little feral beasts

Not sure whether to just leave this or not....an RL friend thinks I should complain...I'm a bit torn because there is no real harm done, dd won't be scarred for life ...(she has just asked me to promise that we will never see him again if we have to go to the doctors in future),but on the other hand he was very wrong.

OP posts:
belgo · 13/09/2008 13:52

It wouldn't occur to me to complain. I would just have felt embarrassed that the GP felt that my child needed to be told off.

Sidge · 13/09/2008 14:41

I doubt that a GP would strike you off for making a complaint against them but depending on the nature of the complaint they can refuse to see that patient and ask the patient to see another GP in the practice.

The GPs I worked for would remove people from their lists for things like verbal or physical aggression, persistent DNAing (Did Not Attend appointment), misuse of the service and similar. Complaints had to be handled following a protocol, and were done through the practice manager.

As for the OP, I think the GP was wrong to shout but I don't think complaining is necessarily the way to go - just don't see that GP again!

I have never shouted at a child or patient myself - I was a practice nurse - but have told patients' children to sit down and be quiet, as my treatment room is not a playroom! So many parents let their kids run riot in the surgery; I have had children rooting through the clinical waste bin (yuk), jumping on and off the digital scales (v.expensive scales) and climbing over the couch, going through the cupboards and fridge. If you're going to the surgery with children take a blooming book wih you or something! I know that's not what the OPs kids were doing by the way, I'm just having a general whinge

KristinaM · 13/09/2008 20:44

they don't strike you off for making a complaint. they put you off their list because in their opinion the doctor-patient relationship has broken down. you can also leave their list at any time without giving a reason

just to make you aware that it can happen

and don't "nonsense" me HMC

Gunnerbean · 13/09/2008 22:22

Personally, I would take all reasonable steps to not have to take my children to the doctors with me. I just don't think that having young children in with you in such a situation is conducive to you, or the doctor, being able to give the matter in hand your undivided attention.

That aside, I think it was probably a little heavy handed of the doctor to have "bellowed" at your child if that is what you say he did. However, if it was the second time you'd been interrupted maybe he could see the way things were going. They have a stressful job to do and their time is precious.

As far as the childre are concerned, sometimes being told to shut up or behave in a situation like that, by someone they perceive to be in authrity, rather than by a parent, does the trick.

I think you should put this down to expereince and let it be a lesson to you to leave the kids in the care of someone else next time you need to go to the doctors.

I certaily wouldn't go to the trouble of complaining. The doctor is hardly going to be struck off for it is he and I think this doesn't warrant a written apology either.

Herecomesthesciencebint · 13/09/2008 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBella · 13/09/2008 22:58

I can't believe people do that!!!!

You should make a phone call yourself and start talking animatedly about the laundry, her next door's cleaner, etc.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 13/09/2008 23:19

Gunnerbean - this is the second time I have said this but I will repeat myself. The consultation was about my children, so fairly essential that they were present I think! - so you can guess what you can do with:
"I think you should put this down to expereince [sic] and let it be a lesson to you to leave the kids in the care of someone else next time you need to go to the doctors"

(Who the feck says 'Let that be a lesson to you?" in RL)

However, sometimes (shock, horror) I take my children with me when the consultation is about me - it's an awful long way (360 miles) to drop them off with granny, and I don't like to dump on my friends unnecessarily..particularly since my children are pretty well behaved at the doctors surgery (unlike the doctor in this case). I shall continue to do this as necessary.

Finally I wasn't going to bother with this thread any longer since it served its purpose (helping me to clarify in my own mind whether to complain or not)...but I just had to say whilst I respect balanced feedback that it's not worth pursuing this, I am a little askance at some posters who think it is okay for random strangers to shout at children. I feel sorry for your own children if you genuinely believe this is acceptable. But mostly my bullshit monitor is on and I am strongly sceptical that you would actually shrug this off with a kind of prosaic indifference - you simply wouldn't (or shouldn't) if you were any kind of half decent parent

OP posts:
Original poster
handlemecarefully · 13/09/2008 23:24

And for the record dd did not interrupt twice or repeatedly or swing from the light fittings (as some of you have implied), she interrupted once, and I could have dealt with it if the GP hadn't been in the grip of some sort of mid life crisis / temporary insanity thing.

Right I am going to sign off this thread because I am crosser than a very cross person and much less rational and reasonable than last night

OP posts:
Soapbox · 13/09/2008 23:24

HMC - I agree with you, if most people were subject to a GP roaring at our children we would be pretty unimpressed.

I think also the suggestion that the GP didn't really shout at them was a bit [ermmm who was in the room at the time]!

I still think that complaining is probably not necessary, nevertheless, I have been surprised at some of the comments that have been directed at you. Very much unwarranted in my view!

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 13/09/2008 23:27

(sorry if you got my wrath Gunnerbean, it's been building up for a while)

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Original poster
handlemecarefully · 13/09/2008 23:29

Thanks Soapbox, I appreciate you saying that - sometimes MN makes you question your own sanity a bit when people seem to have a completely different take on the matter. Not that I mind debate or contrary opinions....

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1dilemma · 13/09/2008 23:37

I find this thread so havn't posted but it's a bit low to say if someone disagrees with you that they are only a 1/2 decent parent

emkana · 13/09/2008 23:38

hmc, fwiw, I'm totally with you

luckylady74 · 13/09/2008 23:43

HMC - what a strange reaction to your thread - it seems like the pat reaction to most threads is to do the op down or at least play devil's advocate.
I would like to sound terribly reactionary for once (as opposed to the mild mannered liberal I am) ans say where have manners gone? A GP SHOUTS at your dd? That's astoundingly rude and uncalled for - I was brought up not to raise my voice in public and your GP has forgotten his manners. I have no problem at all with him giving her a glare/ admonishing her in a measured tone, but SHOUTING- shocking lack of self control.Adults must set an example for children especially in a position of responsibility.
I think that's about as strong as I get on mumsnet

1dilemma · 13/09/2008 23:48

wow luckylady74 remend me not to cross words with you

I actually feel a bit nasty now I think hmc did say sorry when I re-read it so sorry hmc too

chipmonkey · 14/09/2008 00:12

Sounds to me like the GP forgot he wasn't at home!

Blossomhill · 14/09/2008 00:31

Poor hmc so sorry you got jumped on.
I think it was totally out of order and I would not be happy at all. We are talking about a 6 yr old, not 16 incase people forgot.

LittleBella · 14/09/2008 07:32

You go girl, HMC.

I knew someone would come out with the old crap about leaving your children somewhere else while you go and do something you have to do. Like where? All these people who appear to have random babysitters whom they can dump on whenever they feel like it, are very lucky, I wish I lived in a world where I could simply drop my children off with anyone I liked whenever I felt like it.

Bumperlicious · 14/09/2008 08:22

Also, how are children to learn behave in various social situations such as going to the dr's if we just leave them with babysitters every time. Though obviously this is a moot point on this thread as HMC's children were supposed to be there!

chipmonkey · 14/09/2008 18:37

HerecomestheScienceBint, I gad a patient conduct an entire business transaction on their mobile! I was already behind so I had smoke coming out my ears by the time she was done!

Gunnerbean · 14/09/2008 20:06

Hi Handlemecarefully

Having read your latest post, I think that it should be a further lesson to you to not ask for the opinions of about 5,000,000 random strangers on a public message board and then become apoplectic with rage when their views/opinion don't concur with your own.

Did I question your parenting skills/abilities? No I don't think I did so why did you question mine when all I did was to put my viewpoint across.

You'd obviously decided long before you ever posted here what you thought about what happened to you. Why you ever wanted to know what others' thoughts on it were is beyond me - particularly when it's obvious that you never wanted to hear a view which did not affirm your own assessment of what happened, or sympathise with you.

Janos · 14/09/2008 21:16

Ah, hmc ignore Gunnerbean. He/she obv got out the wrong side of bed this morning!

If I go to the docs often I HAVE to take DS with me cos there's no-one else to look after him, apart from me! Although hmc's DCs were supposed to be here anyway so moot point.

From the perspective of adults we forget this kind of thing can be pretty distressing for children.

Hope your DD is ok.

PavlovtheCat · 14/09/2008 21:23

HMC - I can understand why this was upsetting.

A friend yelled at my DD a little while ago, she was doing something wrong, and DH and I were both there, and were not given the opportunity to deal with it before she screamed at her, and like you I said nothing as I was so shocked I did not really know what to say...it affected our relationship as it was not dealt with at the time, but I just was too stunned.

And I felt quite crap about it all for a long time afterwards.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 14/09/2008 21:28

Gunnerbean - I was asking for people's views regarding whether I should complain, and in fact I took those views on board (where those views were delivered in a balanced inoffensive way, as they were by the majority of pleasant, reasonable posters with social skills).

I still don't actually agree as it happens - I think I should complain, but since the majority opinion was otherwise I will grudgingly accept that perhaps I am too close to the issue to be dispassionate about it, and so I am not pursuing a complaint as I have said several times already)...

So don't tell me that I canvassing opinions and ignoring them, because clearly that is the not the case.

Actually it was the misinformed supplementary rubbish from a few people that I took exception to on the thread - it served no purpose and was unhelpful.

Incidentally I wasn't specifically alluding to your parenting skills, I was addressing anyone on the thread (and there are a few) who happily condone total strangers shouting at their children...and I stand by my opinion that no half decent parent would tolerate that...

I'm afraid your post was simply the last straw, it was the hugely condescending remark "Let that be a lesson to you" that set me off. I sincerely hope you don't talk to people like that in RL

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Original poster
handlemecarefully · 14/09/2008 21:32

lol thanks Janos (and Blossomhill, emkana and luckylady from last night) - always appreciate a bit of back up when under fire! Remind me to watch your backs for you should you need it

Did you ever raise it with your friend Pavlov?

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