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Original poster

I'm a bit shocked. GP just yelled at my 6 year old dd!

141 replies

handlemecarefully · 12/09/2008 18:38

Have just been to see the doctor. Had 4 year old and 6 year old with me - I'm trying to describe things as objectively as possible:

I sat down and the two children both tried to sit on the one chair next to me and squabbled - I had stern words and they pretty much immediately stopped (took about 30 seconds). They then went over to the box of toys. We started the consultation...

3 minutes into the consultation dd came up to me having made a cat from lego and started to interrupt me (wanted to show me the cat) whilst I was talking to the doctor.

I was about to give her short shrift for interrupting, and to tell her to wait when, before I had the opportunity the Doctor erupted with:

SIT DOWN IMMEDIATELY AND DON'T INTERRUPT. I AM TALKING TO YOUR MOTHER!!!!

DD open and closed her mouth in shock a few times and then dissolved into floods of tears. I was a bit shocked and simply put my arm around her whilst trying to resume the conversation. The Doctor said nothing but looked a bit uncomfortable.

I have no issue with the content of what the doctor said but full scale bellowing . It was very heavy handed.

The doctor concerned is in his thirties and has young children of his own. He has always been pleasant on the two or three other occasions I have seen him. I imagine he must have had a very crappy day, but nevertheless he behaved inappropriately. The children weren't acting like little feral beasts

Not sure whether to just leave this or not....an RL friend thinks I should complain...I'm a bit torn because there is no real harm done, dd won't be scarred for life ...(she has just asked me to promise that we will never see him again if we have to go to the doctors in future),but on the other hand he was very wrong.

OP posts:
hotCheeseBurns · 12/09/2008 19:44

"he had a habit of looking at people over the tops of his glasses"
lol what does this mean?
Surely that his glasses are for reading and not so good for seeing faces?

traceybath · 12/09/2008 19:44

I think it was poor behaviour on behalf of the gp. But as in any profession there are good and bad ones - or rather some who are not so great with children.

I had a poor gp and eventually switched surgeries to another in the practice group which was nearer to me anyway. Subsequent chat to HV and other locals revealed i wasn't the only one.

I wouldn't officially complain but just wouldn't make appointments with him again. I know in the surgery i go to there is the 'popular' dr and the 'oh ok i'll see her then' dr.

Upwind · 12/09/2008 19:45

How do teachers cope? If a six year old can't resist interrupting a GP twice in ten minutes it must be very difficult to manage a classroom full of children like that without raising your voice.

cluckyagain · 12/09/2008 19:45

I'd leave it - as previously said I bet the GP was mortified afterwards but was at the end of a LONG week. GP should be fab next time and Dd will perhaps be very quiet next time! (poor lass)xx

LazyLinePainterJane · 12/09/2008 19:56

Well, there may be truth in the argument that your children should have been better behaved.

However, considering that at some point in the future, your daughter might need to see the doctor about something that she might not want to discuss, it might be an idea for the doctor not to go out of his way to scare her....

Plus, the appointments might be short and the doctor may be busy, but he is not doing the OP a favour by seeing her, he is being paid to do so. Not very professional behaviour, IMO.

JFly · 12/09/2008 19:57

I don't think you're overreacting. You're being sensitive to something that upset your child, nothing wrong with that.

In the extreme, kids can develop fears of going to Dr/Dentist b/c of this kind of experience. Your kids are young enough to interrupt (rather innocently, if you ask me) and old enough to remember the reprimand.

I agree that it would have been better to say something at the time (although not in front of your kids, b/c that's equally inappropriate behaviour), perhaps when kids were out of earshot. But, if you do happen to see that GP again, you might mention that your daughter was upset by his harsh words. I know it's the kind of thing I wouldn't forget - but maybe I have a hard time letting that stuff go.

Although maybe it's more worthwhile putting energy into your kids with this one. A reminder when you go to GP to play quietly and not interrupt is probably all you need. And yes, I'd avoid that GP, too!

3littlefrogs · 12/09/2008 20:07

I look at people over the tops of my glasses because I can't see their faces if I look through them, and I can't read their records if I take them off. I have to do both in the very limited time I have.

I hope to goodness I am not terrifying them. Nobody has ever complained about being terrified.

I know I should get bifocals, but that would be like admitting defeat.

georgimama · 12/09/2008 20:12

He shouldn't have shouted.

She shouldn't have interrupted.

No real harm done.

Best left alone.

LittleBella · 12/09/2008 20:13

Christ some people on this thread have been bitchy and sneery. In her very first post, the OP made it clear that she wasn't having PFB fever "Not sure whether to just leave this or not...an RL friend thinks I should complain...bit torn because...no real harm...dd won't be scarred for life "

Where did the nasty go to therapy about it sneers come from?

SorenLorensen · 12/09/2008 20:14

I wouldn't have liked the shouting either - but I wouldn't take it any further (just would make a mental note not to see that GP again).

My dentist told ds2 off last time we were there - he had to, really, I was in the chair with my mouth open, unable to speak, and ds2 was messing about on the window seat. He just said, firmly but kindly, "you can't mess about like that in here, there are too many things that might get broken. Sit still nicely and wait for your mum." So it is possible for someone else to reprimand your child in a reasonable way - sounds like your GP misjudged it today.

KristinaM · 12/09/2008 20:14

you are entitled to be upset - he shouldnt have shouted

however i wouldn't complain. it will only cause bad feeling and the Gp is entitled to put you ( and your whole family) off his list.Its not worth it. esp if you like the practice and he's normally OK

Upwind · 12/09/2008 20:33

Okay, I was sneery and shouldn't have been - but I am fairly sure that this GP merely told off a child who was not behaving appropriately, and so should have been told off. And it upset the child. This shocked her mother, who has validated her upset.

I really think it is a shame that so many parents think that it is not okay for other people to challenge their DC when they behave badly. Sometimes other grown ups, especially authority figures seem scary - that is not really a problem.

ahundredbiros · 12/09/2008 21:07

I was impatient mostly. Not bitchy, or fucking rude or any of the other highly insulting things I was called. There were talons and all sorts.

I was impatient. I apologize. [GP on a friday afternoon emoticon]

MmeLindt · 12/09/2008 21:17

You are right to be upset, it must have been quite upsetting for your DD. I know that my DD would refuse to go back to a GP who had bawled at her.

I would not put in a formal complaint, but I would perhaps have a quick word with him when you are in next. More of a "I was a bit concerned about your manner with DD, you gave her a bit of a fright" kind of thing.

The comments of some on this thread are a bit off, I do not find the OP PFBish.

Janni · 12/09/2008 21:29

If I had to have the children with me during a consultation I would definitely arrange to see another GP. It could be that he thought he was helping you!!! Of course it's out of order, but I don't think a formal complaint is called for - just don't put yourself in that situation again with that particular doctor.

Bumperlicious · 12/09/2008 21:31

Ok, fucking rude was a bit OTT and a bit of a generalisation. Let's all hold hands and agree while the GP was a bit off and HMC has a right to be a bit shocked, she needn't complain and hopefully her daughter will have forgotten all about soon [all needing a glass of wine on a Friday night as we don't haves lives or why else would we all be on mumsnet of a Friday emoticon]

TeacherSaysSo · 12/09/2008 21:38

Why do people expect workers like teachers and doctors to be so PERFECT??? are they robots that must control their temper at all times? can you?

what exactly do you want to happen to the doctor op? be dragged to his boss and fill in loads of paperwork that your letter will undoubtedly trigger. Make him feel crap and paranoid re: all patients for the next few weeks. Why not just add to his obvious stressy day.

Where has everyones empathy gone?

TeacherSaysSo · 12/09/2008 21:42

Not that this is a personal bugbear of mine or anything

MmeLindt · 12/09/2008 21:43

Teachersayso
I once lost my temper and snapped at a customer when I was having a bad day. I know it can happen.

I took a deep breath, turned back to the customer and apologised for being so rude. She was ok about it and accepted my apologies.

Of course a doctor or a teacher can have a bad day. I had had a bad week, having just gone back to work after a miscarriage. But at the end of the day, if you make a mistake then you apologise for it.

Even if he did not bellow, as some have doubted this to be true, he made HMC's 6yo DD cry. Surely it is not too much to ask that he apologise for that. Where is the empathy for the 6yo girl?

traceybath · 12/09/2008 21:44

I don't think people expect teachers/dr's to be perfect but equally i know that if i shouted at a client (not a dr by the way) or lost my temper i would apologise and not be surprised if a complaint/comment was made.

Regarding empathy - i guess the OP may have been expecting a little empathy from the GP.

If he realised he'd gone over the top - he could easily have said something to the OP - you know 'sorry - busy week - hope that didn't upset your dd but its important i can hear what you're saying'.

traceybath · 12/09/2008 21:45

Cross posts Mme Lindt and teachersayso - i empathised that you may have a personal viewpoint on this one

Ohforfoxsake · 12/09/2008 21:47

You just don't shout at others peoples children when the parents are there.

And its prefereable not to shout at them when the parents aren't there.

I reserve the right to shout at my own children whenever I feel it appropriate however.

FairLadyRantALot · 12/09/2008 21:50

well had gp appointment with ys...and doctor far to nice and involved wiht him...because I talked to him about what and what...and he kept interupting to play/iteract with child....
lovely gp, he really is a lovely man...but well...there was me trying to tell ds not to interupt and him encouraging it, lol...

TeacherSaysSo · 12/09/2008 21:58

Ohforfox - yes you have that right to shout at your kids, but the issue that makes you cross enough to shout at your children is still there for others, and also makes them cross too!

Tracy I've seen wonderful teachers in tears because a one off really minor incident leads to complaints and major upset for a teacher just doing her job.

Whereas I have worked in industry and its just NOT the same. If you haev a bad day you tend to just see colleagues who usually forgive and forget. If you do have a job where you see clients, you are not seeing them all day everyday. Being a public facing professional (or whatever you call it) is just not like other jobs and I wish the public could try and walk in their shoes before being so quick to DEMAND formal apologies or whatever for easily forgettable slights.!

Ohforfoxsake · 12/09/2008 22:01

I disagree, it is very rude to undermine another adult by shouting at their children. Whatever the issue is, you bite your tongue, or deal with it in an appropriate way. Which is not shouting, telling off or disciplining someone elses child whilst the parent is present.