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Fed Up!

39 replies

Linzoid · 27/01/2003 11:14

Maybe this should have gone in the relationships forum, i don't know. Men AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGH
Does anyone else have a problem with emotional blackmail in the bedroom department? Well thats what i'd call it anyway!
I am really disheartened with my partner. Why do men have to be so insensitive?
After getting on really well all week (which is good for us lol) and doing the do twice in the week ( sorry for the personal details), i got news that my uncle has only 3 months to live. This kind of knocked me off balance although i tried not to be a misery about it. I have also had a few other worries recently aswell. Saturday morning my dh appeared to have had a total personality change, well he was still helping me with the kids and stuff but i was getting sharp remarks and the atmosphere was frosty to say the least. This has carried on all weekend and it's because there was no sex wednesday, thursday or friday! He says i am a lazy cow because i never gave him any!
He went to work at 5:30 am and won't be back until tomorrow night, i am SO mad with him.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH

OP posts:
mum2toby · 28/01/2003 08:09

Linzoid - it sounds on this thread like he is abusing you, perhaps not physically, but definitely verbally and emotionally!! If it is as bad as it sounds on this thread then he sounds like complete sh*t!

I'm with slug and the advice prufock gave you. Let him have his pathetic protest of not coming home until you promise to give him a shg or a wnk on demand!!!!!???? I mean, MY GOD, I've never heard anything so vulgar, insensitive, sexist, abusive and ......AAAAAAH I'm just getting angry now! He's just a pig and needs taught a lesson!

Rhubarb · 28/01/2003 14:28

How come Virgo's posts got deleted? Where they rude?
Linzoid - you should not owe your dh anything for helping with the kids and housework, that should come as standard. A relationship is not about "Well I do this for you so you should do this for me", you do things for each other because you love each other and want to do them, you don't keep score or expect anything in return.

Sorry but your dh sounds very childish and emotionally immature. Seriously, don't put up with it because he does other nice things for you, if it riles you now, just think how you will feel after another 7 years! And no, he won't change overnight. I really do think you need counselling, well him more than you really. But that will be difficult, I don't know how you persuade men to go for counselling other than giving them an ultimatum, which you may have to do. You see, he will see his demands and behaviour as perfectly reasonable, and it may take an outsider to point out to him that it is simply not normal and most definitely not on!

Sit down and calmly tell him that you think there is a problem with sex (try not to lay the blame onto him at all) and that it might help both of you if you saw someone to talk to about it. It may sound better if you say you need to talk to someone about your sexual feelings, and it would help if he came along too. I know it sounds as though you are taking the blame, but I think it is the only way he will go along to a counsellor, if he thinks he is helping you rather than the other way round.

If all else fails then I'm afraid I would leave him. It will only get worse and there will come a time when you really cannot put up with it any longer. Get out now whilst you can still part amicably.

WideWebWitch · 28/01/2003 15:15

Linzoid, I'm with everyone who is outraged on your behalf. Sex is supposed to be mutually pleasurable and should only happen when both partners want it IMO. Is it just me or does all this talk of 'servicing' make anyone else think of animal husbandry?

lou33 · 28/01/2003 15:34

Maybe next time he talks like that to you , you should oresent him with a blow up doll and tell him to service that instead!

mum2toby · 28/01/2003 15:53

Yup WWW, animal husbandry AND getting your car MOT'd!!!!

Good one lou33. I think a blow up doll is exactly what he needs and a few lessons in showing respect to his long suffering wife!!!

mears · 29/01/2003 10:01

I have a friend who had a husband like yours Linzoid. She resorted to having sex on alternate nights because she knew she would get 'peace' every second night. However that did not last long because she really started to hate the nights 'on'. Anyway, if he didn't get regular sex he was horrible to her. Obviously that was not their only problem. I am glad to say that she is now able to see him for what he is - a controlling bas**rd - and after 19 years of marriage, has shown him the door.

Rhubarb · 18/02/2003 19:37

Just wanted to rant really. Dh has been messing about with his car, trying to fix the heater. Yesterday he broke one of the water pipes, which apparently is really bad. He had to take the day off work today, which we can ill-afford, and mess about trying to repair it. Anyway he has failed. He cannot take any more days off so he has to borrow a car to get to work tomorrow and take the car into the garage. It will cost around £500 to repair, which is the same amount of money I have just been paid for setting up a Netmums site, which took me just over 3 months of hard slog to do. The cheque has barely been in the bank a week, I was going to treat myself to a new pair of jeans and the rest would pay off the overdraft. Now it is all gone and I feel as though I have worked for nothing the past 3 months. I am soooooo fed up and annoyed with bloody men and their bloody cars! I can barely bring myself to speak to him!

lou33 · 18/02/2003 22:29

Trying to put some spin on it here Rhubarb to make you feel a bit better, but if you hadn't worked so hard, you wouldn't have had the money to pay for the repairs, and you would be even more overdrawn! Don't suppose that helps much really does it? I'll get me coat....

WideWebWitch · 18/02/2003 23:41

ooh, good bit of positive thinking lou33! Rhubarb, sorry about the car, must be very annoying.

SimonHoward · 19/02/2003 07:25

Rhubarb

Sorry to hear about the repair bill.

This was one reason I gave up having a car over a decade ago. They are way too expensive.

Rhubarb · 19/02/2003 23:17

He is going to try one more time this weekend to fix it himself before going to the garage. Which means dd and I not seeing him all weekend, but at the moment I can live with that! The way I see it, if he hadn't been messing about with it in the first place, using brute force, he wouldn't have broken it would he? I see what you are saying Lou33, but right now it would take a bottle of wine to bring me round to that way of thinking! Thanks for trying though!

Will see how he gets on this weekend. Pray that God is a mechanic will you?!!!

JulieF · 20/02/2003 00:29

Rhubarb

Sympathies about the car and the money, I was so excited when my £500 came through. Which site are you editor of.

Julie
(Newcastle-under-Lyme Editor)

Rhubarb · 21/02/2003 15:28

Preston - I'll log onto yours for you too! Quick question though, I've been told we also get £1 for every member that joins, is that true? If so do I have to claim that?

Good news on the car front! After taking another day off, he took it to his brother and between them they finally managed to fix it! Apparently he had been using the wrong parts to mend it, but thought he would get away with it as he didn't want to spend £3.50 on the right parts - Aaarggh!

JulieF · 21/02/2003 22:55

Rhubarb

Not sure of the £1 per member. However a few weeks ago I got told to invoice them for £99 based on a quarltely assesment of my members which was around the 100 mark. The email did say though that depending on the new funding they were looking into how best to reward us editors.

Glad the car got fixed.

Julie

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