Should we have a thread on 'comments' that caused you to snort from this year's school reports?

[Twiglett]

and shall this be it?

DS (7 in year 2) got (please bear in mind we are atheists) "He has expressed his views on the main religions studied" ... uh oh

"Ds (Yr 4) is not a natural musician". Understatement of the century, does not stop him croaking along to McFly and "dancing", bless him.

We also had the old chestnut again about dd "loves to tell us stories about her friends and family"

DS1 is a friendly, outgoing boy. His lively mind is often onto the next thing before he has finished the task in hand.

From the head teacher
He is the youngest in his class bless him. Half the time I think he must be on speed or something.

oh he is in 5 and just finishing year 1

going back a million years I still remember this comment from my primary school teacher on my knitting ..
'MaryAnn is an example to her classmates with her persistence in learning to knit, a skill she finds very difficult'

• 40 odd years later I still struggle

oh, and maths 'still very diffident'

Also going back a million years,I always used to bunk off R.E. My report said, 'When present....'

my science teacher wrote "MumRum will never be a nuclear physicist" .......

twiglett - they seem to have standard spiel for those things don't they, along with 'is working to the level expected of his age'

'DD (Yr 1) has an infectious laugh that we hear frequently'

and

'DD can name all of the parts of her body in detail'

I dread to think what that conversation was like, 'boobies', 'bumhole'....

DS3, yr5: "I feel he displays many leadership qualities but ... with that comes responsibilities"

Yes, he's bl**dy bossy and is never wrong (in his mind).

'Ds can sort and classify a collection of rocks'

Thanks heavens for that - what would become of him without this ability.
He is 8, about to finish Y4.

DD (7) - "is very enthusiastic about cats".

Probably because she meows most of the time rather than talking.

"She has experienced a range of differnet musical styles from different cultures and periods of history"

Make that "Greensleeves" (they have done the tudors to death)

and one school african music assembly.

No class singing

No class music

No opportunities to perform, compose or play on tuned and untuned percussion.

And this is a report for a child who should be on the talented register for music in her school.

Sorry rant over. (can you tell I am a music teacher )

On another note- a friend of my dad's geography report read "would do well to find his way home." obviously not his best subject then.

I love my DS2's nursery teacher - she is so refreshingly blunt. This wasn't in the report but she took me to one side yesterday and said "he's moaned and whinged all day and driven us all nuts"

Is there a prize for ponciest comment?

DD, age 6, has apparently 'experimented to create abstract designs in the style of Paul Klee, a pontillism picture based on Seurat's paintings and a pastel composition echoing Van Gogh's 'Sunflowers.''

I also particularly enjoyed 'usually acts upon advice given', and 'has developed a positive attitude to most aspects of school life'...

lol Kittenloren, that is fab.

DS's nursery teacher recently reported that "DS is a lovely cheerful boy, but by God, he is stubborn as a mule"

True, all true

I appreciated dd's "many sterling contributions to school life"

I took it as a thank you for my various charitable donations (not to mention fees) this year

unknownrebelbang - is your son spiderman?? 'with great power comes great responsibilities...'

DD1 "works well in a group but sometimes comes across as telling others what to do" and "she has an honest and forthright nature"

Message withdrawn

DS is "an enthusiastic singer" again uh oh springs to mind (tone deaf my boy )

"DD is struggling with her number work, we will ensure that she is given some one to one time next term so that she doesn't fall significantly behind".

She's 2..

DS1 (5) has a "beautiful singing voice". When DH read this out we both fell about laughing. The only time we have heard DS1 sing he sounded like a cat being strangled.

crikey milf, your dd is struggling with number work at 2? you must be hanging your head in shame .

i mentioned this on another school report thread yesterday but half way through dd's report, it starts mentioning stephanie, dd is not stephanie!

Oh I'm devastated Jafina fortunately she has "advanced linguistic skills" so that more than makes up for her shortcomings

I thought she went to nursery to play!?