Should we have a thread on 'comments' that caused you to snort from this year's school reports?

[Twiglett]

and shall this be it?

DS (7 in year 2) got (please bear in mind we are atheists) "He has expressed his views on the main religions studied" ... uh oh

ds1 ..... but sometimes a volume control would be helpful.

What they really mean is what I said to them 'he never bloody shuts up'

I once had "hellish is an enigmatic character who tends to rest on her laurels"

Ds2's music report:

"ds2 sustains his concentration well, showing a lively interest in this subject. HIs sense of pulse and rhythm is improving"
(ie he's tone death like his father).

"It would help if ds1 could find the British Isles on a map of the world" - he's just finishing yr2. Do you think it's because neither dh nor I have geography o-level?

"X very much enjoys swimming, although he has not yet been able to lift his feet from the floor of the pool"
(Actually a comment in my bro's report, ooh, 30 years ago, but it stuck in my head)

My brother once got: "G has been a lively member of the class, but has not learned much Russian."

DS2 in Reception got: "His concentration levels.... in PE are improving and he now moves around safely." (Visions of him previously moving around dangerously.)

DS1 in Y2 got: "DS1 has boundless energy and an awful lot to say for himself."

Actually they don't have anything funny on them this year.

dd1 (reception) "is very aware of what is right and wrong..." = "is a bossy little so and so"

dd1 "is full of interesting information which has taught me a thing or two!" = "is an annoying little know it all"

both fair comment, although the second may be in response to our fierce objection (which i presume she relayed) to their class assembly where they said one of the things they had learned during the year was that the sun and moon go round the earth in our defence dp is an astrophysicist, so we really couldn't let it go!

I still have the report from my PE teacher when I was 14 'Rusty continues to enjoy a little gentle exercise....'

Our views on the meaning of the word 'enjoy' were obviously widely different

DS2(7) "L is beginning to use his voice to resolve disputes"

for PE he got "L has used basic underarm,rolling and hitting skills"

mmm I suspect these skill were what he used to use to resolve disputes!