New woman in the office has a deformed arm - best to ignore or ask what happenned?

[DrNortherner]

Lots of whipsering going on in the kitchen "Have you seen her arm/Wonder what happenned? etc"

Is it best to ask her, or ignore it?

She is lovely and I so do not want to offend her, equally I don't want her catching anyone whispering about her.

Thank you

Sheik, I got through school by telling people to fuck off! And your son will learn very quickly to do the same. It makes one very strong.

Yes - DS2 doesn't make a big deal of his foot. We casually call them big foot and little foot.

It was really nice in his "special" book where all of his classmates had to write in what way he was special, many of them put because he is such a fast runner.

DS2's other hand is huge and very strong.

He also has the build of a rugby player.

I doubt he will get much hassle

(he is very cute too Sheik)

Thank you

I have microtia and I hate when people question me about it or stare, and I have to say that it is very obvious when someone is looking at something you feel conciuos of even if you think it's only a quick glance! I feel v sorry for the woman in the office if all her new collegues are already whispering about her

i have a bad scar on my face.

personally i don't mind answering kids, or people who've gotton to know me over a period of time but i tend to tell people i don't know well to eff off if they're rude enough to ask.

was asked by a customer once 'who took a hatchet to your face' people need to grow up and understand other peoples bodies are nmone of their damn business.

Spidermama, I prefer it when people notice and say nothing. As they get to know me, they notice that it barely affects what I do, that it certainly isn't a big deal, and forget I have it at all. That's excellent.

Ooh gosh! How unpleasant for the poor woman to be identified in the interim by this.

I'd not ask unless something came up in conversation that was relevant.

I distinctly remember the woman who came up and asked me what the head to toe rash all over DD was when she was 8 weeks old (it was ezcma), quickly followed by asking "is it catching?"

I did struggle the other day in the supermarket with DS though, who at 3 years old was pointing and laughing at the "lady's funny fuzzy hair" on the checkout

I chose to ignore him, which just made him shout even louder "look mumma look. That lady has funny big hair".

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I think the other thing that is important, and sorry if this is too obvious/patronising/said 100x before - but in time, as you get to know people, physical differences just stop being something obvious - you get used to them.

I had a dear friend who caught chicken pox very dreadfully as a adult (due to what turned out to be AIDS, in the end, sadly) and scarred his face. I'd been away the summer he had it and when I saw him again I was honestly shocked - but in time the scars just stopped being visible to me, and he was himself again. So, it's worth telling yourself you will get used to this.

vvvq - dd1 had really bad excema on her face (like an iron burn) as a baby and some old trout in Asda said "omg that looks awful doesn't it!!!!"

I just glared at her and stalked off

ffs

• you really do see it all if you spend five minutes browing active convos, don't you?!

Don't ask, its' rude. She'll soon tell you if she wants you to know.

The one time I was happy that complete strangers asked me was when DS2 was in plaster (from about 2 months old for some months)

"how did he break his leg?" for which read "how did you break his leg?"

I got the oportunity to explain that the plaster cast was there to straighten his foot, not because I was a shit mum.

I wanted to get him a t-shirt with that on actually

no, you shouldn't ask - nobody's business but hers and she will tell you if/when she wants to - bit sad if that's the only thing you notice about a new person (not meaning you Dr Northener but the whispering colleagues)

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OO! Some people are unbelievable arent they?

My mum was livid the other week at work. She has moderate hearing loss in both ears and although should wear a hearing aid she doesnt. Her choice entirely I think. Anyway, she can hear lower tone noises but not higher pitch, softer noises. Anyway, a guy was bashing the paper trays on a printer and make a right royal racket. So my mum said, light-heartedly "Cor...you aint half making a lot of noise doing that", to which he replied "I thought you were deaf?"

My DP, has a "deformed" arm, his fingers didnt stop growing on one hand, so they amputated them, he also has a MASSIVE elbow. When giving birth to DD, the MW was staring at it constantly, as soon as DP went to the car to get the babies bag, she was asking what had happend. He doesnt mind though.

I have a scar on my neck that goes from behind my left ear, right across my neck and then drops in a dreadful keloid mess to meet my collar bone.

It is no ones business but my own.

If a child asks, I will tell them I had a big operation and it saved my life.

If an adult asks, I tell them I had my tonsils out and the surgeon fucked it up.

I worked with my colleagues for nearly a year, before I told them.

Eek! I think I've asked you about yours LGJ!!! But, I believe it came up in conversation about you wearing stuff to hide it.....???

Last time I checked, you were a friend not a colleague.

And breathe....................

A colleague of mine has had part of his leg amputated. I have found he is very willing to talk about it. I know all about it. I didn't ask but someone else in the staffroom at the time did. He was more than happy to explain. Wasn't an issue for him at all.

I personally wouldn't ask unless I knew the person better however. I'd wait for them to bring it up first. But if that did happen then I may ask futher quetions if appropriate at the time.