Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

In law’s don’t visit- but am I in the wrong?

141 replies

Pumpkin101358 · 31/12/2025 09:10

Hello,

so basically our son is 18m old and my partner’s mum and dad very very rarely visit our son… it got to the point it’s now causing conflict between me and my partner and I’d like some outside advice

Partners family live 25 mins away and they both drive, his mum has just had over 3 weeks off of work but hasn’t seen my son over Christmas at all! But it all dates back from early this year they had booked a family holiday with their other young grandson (6 months between our son and him) and not invited our son but they covered this up until my partners sister accidentally let it slip (which to me shows they know that it’s wrong). So as you can imagine I was not very happy that their other grandson was included but our son wasn’t- but I let that slide….

i must add though that my partners mum does watch our son whilst I work once every other week… which I am grateful for but they believe this is enough!

it was once over 8 weeks whilst I was on maternity leave that they hadn’t seen our son for, my partner raised this with them and they said they would change… but they haven’t.

the icing on the cake for me was when my partners sister, who works in a nursery setting, had RSV going around the nursery which her son also attends and I stated I didn’t want them to see our son whilst his mum was watching him to protect our son…. His mum also knew this but we later found out that his mum had let his sister and their son around ours that day which I was furious about!

all of these things added up and not seeing our son over Christmas (they did give him presents but I’d rather them visit than give presents!) I’ve said to my partner I do not want him to take our son around to their house on New Year’s Day and my partner believes I am in the wrong?

am I being petty or would you think I’m being fair?

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 31/12/2025 12:16

A few things:

Never go to war with the in laws, it causes untold misery and they never change

For reasons beyond your control they have a stronger, inclusive relationship with their daughter. That is not your fault but you will never be treat the same, neither will your husband or your son.

This doesn’t mean they don’t love him or your grandson it’s just how they are and they are free to do what they want with their time and money.

I feel like you would be being petty if you didn’t let your partner take your child around there - I assume they are not a risk to him.

I certainly wouldn’t leave my child there if he screamed when I dropped him off though so he pleased your husband will be present.

You can resist the situation all you want but you will be the only one burning your emotional energy - it’s not affecting them at all.

permanently · 31/12/2025 12:32

OP you are in a much better position than most. How about getting some counselling/read up on how you can heal your inner pain. Turn the negative energy into something positive that will support your husband and son X

diddl · 31/12/2025 13:40

My ILs would never visit when it was just me & the kids.

My husband is their only child & our children the only GC.

I guess their dislike of me outweighed their desire to see their GC.

whistlesandbells · 31/12/2025 14:17

Pumpkin101358 · 31/12/2025 09:32

last year and years prior to our son, we regularly visited them (every weekend) but we lived with my parents still so absolutely understood why they couldn’t visit us but we thought this would change when we moved into our own house and they would visit like we have the many years before. We continued the weekend visit every other week after moving into our own place in the hope they would reciprocate the other weekend but this never happened and eventually we stopped visiting them.
she gave us the presents on the Thursday she watched him 2 weeks before Christmas.
the original plan was she was going to come around Christmas Eve which we were utterly shocked to hear but ofcourse said yes absolutely…. Then she cancelled 2 days before which we found out was to go out drinking with friends.

Show quote history

“in the hope they would reciprocate the other weekend”

You seem all over the place OP. Why would you want to see your in-laws every single weekend? Your in-laws make no effort but offer childcare every other week. You want a closer relationship but say your MIL ‘has to be told to give comfort’. You don’t sound like you like them much but want to police their holidays and what they can do and offer to their own children.

Why don’t you just take a step back and leave it to your DH to manage his parents etc? You would be much happier for it.

sittingonabeach · 31/12/2025 14:22

Maybe in-laws don’t feel they can fit in as your parents are heavily involved

Makingadecision · 31/12/2025 14:24

You’re quite confusing and it seems the in-laws can’t do anything right.
For example they don’t see your ds enough but then you don’t want your partner to take him on new year?
They leave your son to cry but you want them to see your son more?
they shouldn’t take their dd on holiday but it’s fine you see more of your parents (of course they are instinctively much better at providing care for your child than your in-laws).
sounds a typical awkward dil to me

Ellie1015 · 31/12/2025 14:41

Have you invited them round? My inlaws are lovely and everyone always welcome but they would never turn up without us inviting them.

Your dh wants a relationship, dont punish him by cancelling new yr day plans.

Chinsupmeloves · 31/12/2025 18:23

Sounds like you've have a lot more input from you ILs than we ever did! DH's family has never come to visit unless officially invited and then it has to be all of them. No pop pop round with birthday or Christmas presents for us or DC, we have to wait until we go and see them. Only one person works and drives but that's not the issue because they chauffeur the rest around to everything.

Oh and then to get comments like 'not seen you for ages', to which we reply you're also welcome round ours anytime. As we both work this means weekends or evenings but even when I was in ML they didn't visit. Too much effort to get a bus or taxi, even the offer of me picking them up depended on what time on the afternoon they would get out of bed! Xxx

Tinkerbellthefairy · 31/12/2025 18:32

If they shit in the palm of your hand they couldn’t please you.

ThejoyofNC · 31/12/2025 18:36

Can someone please tell me - since when was New year's Day an important day?

diddl · 31/12/2025 18:40

ThejoyofNC · 31/12/2025 18:36

Can someone please tell me - since when was New year's Day an important day?

Maybe people are not working/have time?

Chewbecca · 31/12/2025 18:50

Do you invite them to visit you?

Skybluepinky · 31/12/2025 18:59

You use them for childcare, then moan about them, just do the right thing put your child in proper childcare and visit them so they can have a proper relationship with your child.

Babybirdmum · 31/12/2025 19:15

It’s not about your son vs his sisters son, it’s the dynamic with their children. Daughters tend to be closer to their own mothers as I’m sure you are with yours. Just be happy they’re not always round at yours and in your business and just do your visiting occasionally when required and be grateful for the extra childcare. Don’t burn bridges because you never know when you might need them. This is coming from someone in a very similar position to you I am at peace with the situation now.

August1980 · 31/12/2025 20:57

Alexadidzammomarryjackie · 31/12/2025 09:22

  • You are pissed off they didn't take your then 12m old baby on holiday.
  • You tried to ban the woman from seeing her DD on the off chance she may have an illness from work.
  • You don't want them to see your child tomorrow because they haven't seen your child recently.
  • MIL has him fortnightly but that seemingly doesn't count.

You sound very weird and very precious. When you split up from your partner, he'll be taking your child round to his mum's whenever he wants, so they will get contact then I guess.

I was thinking this too!

Tuesdayschild50 · 31/12/2025 21:25

Stop using your child as a way to punish people.
He belongs to his dad too so if he wants to take him to see his mum & dad the babies grandparents for a few hours he can .
Don't use your child to punish really grinds my gears that.

Blablibladirladada · 31/12/2025 21:28

Arf.

so you don’t like each other and you all pretend it is the other one lol.

And your partners just chose to be mad at you and not parents so now you are in deep! I would say…they aren’t coming is the issue? Why?

My guess isn’t that they don’t come to see babe but that they don’t help you outside the every other week…which you state “isn’t enough”. To punish them is pretty bad. Especially after 18months…I mean if they don’t come to birthdays, event your organise it is different but it just looks like you want to declare war on no basis…

Blablibladirladada · 31/12/2025 21:32

ThejoyofNC · 31/12/2025 18:36

Can someone please tell me - since when was New year's Day an important day?

Probably when Xmas was no show…

Liftedmeup · 31/12/2025 21:46

YABVU

Cakeandcardio · 31/12/2025 22:27

RegretUnavailable · 31/12/2025 09:18

If your partner’s mother looks after him regularly while you work, surely your child ‘recognises’ her?

Show quote history

This! My In Laws never visit - we visit when we can so not regularly and my kids recognise their grandparents! They are surely doing quite a lot if they babysitting for you? So I wouldn't be spiteful to them and cut off your nose.

Cakeandcardio · 31/12/2025 22:28

ThejoyofNC · 31/12/2025 18:36

Can someone please tell me - since when was New year's Day an important day?

It's been a holiday in Scotland for forever. Public holiday dates are the 1st and 2nd Jan and it's traditional to have a family get together / party on the 1st and eat steak pie. Brilliant!

Hotterthebetter · 31/12/2025 22:40

And how would you feel if your in laws decided to pop over in the evenings after work like your own parents do. I have a feeling this wouldn’t be well received.

Onceisenoughta · 31/12/2025 23:42

What's the history of DH's relationship with his mother? He seems to get on ok with his dad? What about his sister? Maybe thrre was favouritism before you were on the scene and maybe you or both of you thought things would change when you had a family?

Family dynamics don't change suddenly. If there's 2 grandchildren already from a daughter who is maybe closer to her mother/parents than your DH then that will always likely be the case and trying to make things fair only works if all parties are on board and all have an ethic of fairness.

Your little boy will benefit much more if you spend time with those who show you that you are valued as a family - not those who apparently don't give a shit.

Your son isn't a trophy or a bargaining tool and he only needs his parents at his age - everyone else is a visitor.

Justsaying22 · 01/01/2026 00:14

It sounds like you are annoyed that you/your son didn’t get a free holiday with them.. but that on the other hand you are not hugely keen on them either. You understandably prefer spending time with your family but are happy for them to provide childcare when needed. Just try and get on with them. Life’s too short for family pettiness. Go visit them and make sure your child knows them. Your in laws can probably sense that you aren’t keen on them.

ParmaVioletTea · 01/01/2026 00:24

You’re being petty.

Swipe left for the next trending thread