My partners mum and my mum dont get along

[Thekmorrisonxo84]

Hi i just dont know what to do in this situation im feeling so stressful about it all. My mum and my partners mum just dont get along and i dont feel good about it all its making me upset too because I currently live with my mum with my 2 year old daughter and 1 on the way in February. My partner both my kids dad used to stay over at the weekends at my mums to help me with our 2 year old and btw we are still together but he hasn't stayed since the end of November because my mum said really mean things to his mum im not gonna into detail but the things he said my mum said to his were not nice my mum was horrible to her ill admit his mum messaged my mum first but she didn't say anything bad to her and my partner wants my mum to apologise but she won't cause my mum is acting all selfish and she's not thinking there are 2 young kids involved and in the past month because of this we have hardly spent time together because he thinks he's not welcome to come over and he's hardly seen his daughter too and he's really missing us both and I just dont know what to do. I thought things would have been settled by now but they aren't but my partner won't be able to see his daughter Xmas day because of everything that has happened. It makes me upset that he won't and im kinda dreading Xmas with my mum because recently she has been bad mouthing his mum so I think she will probably do that on Xmas day honestly right im struggling with being heavily pregnant and looking after a toddler because its hard work its not easy and my daughter is always on her feet. What do I do?

How old are you?
Why are you still living with your mum?

So you live at home with one child and decided to have another?

Not even living together?

It’s not on really to bring more stress into your mothers house when the expectation is she’s looking after you, a 2 year old and new baby and your upset because your boyfriend won’t stay over?

Get your own place.

Im going to guess neither of you work?

Does he live with his mum?
I feel for your mum to be honest … maybe she pointed out a few home truths to his mum 🤷🏼‍♀️

Im 41 and im only living with her until I get my own place its just taking a while.

maybe she pointed out a few home truths to his mum

What like, not paying his way, not contributing to the care of the children? Sitting on her sofa taking up space and expecting to be waited on?

Living at home at that age isn’t good.
why can’t you spend part of the day at your mums and part of the day with your partners family?

I can see his point I’m not going to have anyone badmouthing my mum.

What made you think having 2 children whilst still living with your mum (rather than your partner) in your 40s was a good idea? Although you write like someone who is much younger than 40

You contact the council and ask them to house you.

Your mum is probably at the end of her tether.

I'd wager your mum is fed up of a 41 year old living with her with a toddler and another baby on the way when her useless partner does nothing. She'd feel bad telling you to get your act together so she's taking it out on the mother of the useless father instead.

You are hugely selfish to have a second child in your mum's home. Go move in with him and his mother for the next crying infant and give your poor mum some peace.

Believe me I want my own place but its not my fault I cant get anywhere just now im on the housing list so where i live i cant just get somewhere cause there is hardly any free homes and im hoping to get something soon ok and he does and yes I have another one on the way which wasn't planned

Did you get those digits the wrong way round?

You all need a slap but your boyfriend is absolutely pathetic. What kind of father refuses to see his children because of someone else's text spat?

And hang on… YOU are waiting to get your own place?

Why isn’t he moving heaven and earth to provide a home for HIS family?

Is 41 a typo for 14?!

Focus on having a nice Christmas with your mum. Your toddler won't remember the day.

And your so-called partner has got an excellent 'excuse' for not pulling his weight, when what he should be doing is rising above all this nonsense and sorting out a place for you both to live, as should you.

Why do you need to be on the housing list? Between you and your partner why can't you rent privately? You have a 2 year old and are going ahead with having a second child instead of being responsible and housing your first one.

There are teenage mum's taking more responsibility for their life choices than you are.

Are you both working and trying to get your own place?

Well, once you move out, OP, it won't matter. It's pretty rare for respective parents of a couple to spend any time together.

Why are you are having another baby ? your mum must be at least in her 60s and her daughters boyfriend just pops in as he likes so she has 2 adults and a toddler in her house,

your mum doesn't have to like his mother but she really should stop messaging her, I don't know why you won't say what the messages were but I am assuming they were about her son.

I think you’re getting a hard time OP. Whatever the rights and wrongs of your particular situation there is a housing crisis and a cost of living crisis. I agree that you and your partner should try to rise above your mothers’ differences. If you are both not welcome in each other’s houses maybe meet for coffee, in a park (so he can do the running around that a 2 year old absolutely needs) or soft play. Take a hot drink with you if you need to save money or there’s no playground nearby with coffee. Hope you get housing sorted soon!

Focus on getting your own life sorted- somewhere to live etc- and on your children.

No biggie if your mums don’t get on - they don’t need to. They can just not see each other. It is an issue though if your partner is using your mum’s behaviour as an excuse not to commit to you. You might want to think about whether this relationship is bringing much to your life.

If reads like you’re young and picked an older age at random.

Think of your children. Why on earth did you not take better precautions?! Why are you having children and don’t work or have a house? What a bleak future for those poor children.

@Thekmorrisonxo84 what do you mean free home?

She means available properties, which I’m sure you’re well aware of.

Is your partner also middle aged? Have none of you moved out of your mum's houses? I think I would be a pretty grumpy mum too if my kids hadn't left home yet at 41 whilst becoming a mother and having her boyfriend stay over every weekend. When will your mum get her freedom?

You are about to be a family of 4, you really need to stand on your own feet now. You are about 20 years late actually, but now is a good time to just find a place, even if you have to pay market rent.

Why don’t you live with HIM? You know the father of your children. There would be nothing stopping him spending time with them then, would it?