My partners mum and my mum dont get along

[Thekmorrisonxo84]

Hi i just dont know what to do in this situation im feeling so stressful about it all. My mum and my partners mum just dont get along and i dont feel good about it all its making me upset too because I currently live with my mum with my 2 year old daughter and 1 on the way in February. My partner both my kids dad used to stay over at the weekends at my mums to help me with our 2 year old and btw we are still together but he hasn't stayed since the end of November because my mum said really mean things to his mum im not gonna into detail but the things he said my mum said to his were not nice my mum was horrible to her ill admit his mum messaged my mum first but she didn't say anything bad to her and my partner wants my mum to apologise but she won't cause my mum is acting all selfish and she's not thinking there are 2 young kids involved and in the past month because of this we have hardly spent time together because he thinks he's not welcome to come over and he's hardly seen his daughter too and he's really missing us both and I just dont know what to do. I thought things would have been settled by now but they aren't but my partner won't be able to see his daughter Xmas day because of everything that has happened. It makes me upset that he won't and im kinda dreading Xmas with my mum because recently she has been bad mouthing his mum so I think she will probably do that on Xmas day honestly right im struggling with being heavily pregnant and looking after a toddler because its hard work its not easy and my daughter is always on her feet. What do I do?

Your partner should be the one putting HIS children first, not your mum. Unless she's literally banned him from the house he needs to get on with it.

You’re 41, have a 2 year old, pregnant again and living with your mum?
I imagine your mum is pissed off and frustrated with your and your partner’s life choices to be honest.

I don't believe op is 41.

I say 19

I agree.

Your mum is doing you and your ‘partner’ a huge favour by housing you at your age, and your children. Whater were either of you thinking bringing two children to this mess. Why aren’t either of you working a you can afford to rent your own home? Your problem here isn’t your mothers, it’s that you are both still behaving like dependent children

do you actually know what your mum said to your boyfriends mum?

because in your post you say “he said my mum said things that weren’t nice”.

which actually sounds like he’s stirring things up.

that aside any man who decides not to see his toddler or visit to provide support to his heavily pregnant girlfriend because of an argument between his mother and a third party is a feckless waste of space, who you’d be better off without.

Where does your DP live? Why can’t you live together? I can’t believe you are 41 and in this situation.

Bullshit you’re 41. Maybe 21.

no way are you 41. Why isnt your partner moving heaven & earth to get you guys a house? Good luck getting a council place you will be waiting years as your not even counted as homeless.

@Thekmorrisonxo84 why isn’t your partner stepping up and rising above the issues with your mum. He should be there for his children and partner regardless.

Why isn’t your partner looking for somewhere for his family to live?

is he also unemployed and living with his mum?

how old are you?

I think there are some teens whose mum wouldn’t give them a lift to town so they don’t have much to do but go on MN and tell stories.

People are being particularly cruel on this thread.
the OP has perhaps made life choices that others wouldn’t but maybe she hasn’t had the same tools and circumstances to do so.

private rentals are INCREDIBLY limited at the moment and even if one is available they’re extortionate and Doreen want character references and 6 months rent up front and often upwards of 100 applicants. Many people don’t rent to people with children, or people not working. A job will be hard to get and hard to manage whilst heavily pregnant and caring for a toddler.
she’s asking for advice for the situation she’s currently in, not inviting people to tear her whole life to pieces.

She is also looking for private rented, in most of the country there are virtually no private rented properties anywhere. Even less if you have children.
My friend's are currently looking for a property in birmingham and so many people are going for each one its nearly impossible.

If he isn’t going to stay neutral so that he can see his children at your mother’s house there are plenty of alternatives. Are you and the children barred from his mother’s house? You taking the children there seems the most logical option. You could meet him at McDonalds, in a park, even the children’s area of the library. Ten minutes in a bus shelter would be better than him not seeing them at all.

If you're 41 then your mum is prob in her 60s and sick of all this shit ... I'm late 50s and I would be!

Ok, well, it sounds like the housing situation is temporary. Where are you on the housing list? Approximately how long will it take to get to the top? Can you move closer to the top, or afford private rental, in a different area (particularly if you and your partner live together)?

That aside, until you move, you've got to respect your mum's rules and bite your tongue when you get on each other's nerves. Your partner also needs to grow up. You and his children come first. It's neither your nor your partner's job to fix whatever issue is between your respective mothers. They can choose to rub along or hate each other; it really doesn't have to be your problem unless you make it your problem. It's fair enough that your partner feels upset on behalf of his mother; but he needs to suck it up. He can't just stop visiting his children and being an active parent because the respective grandparents don't get on. Unless your mother is standing on the porch with a shotgun and threatens to shoot him every time he steps foot in the house, he can get on with things and focus on you and his children. You're all acting way too childish.

The issue is , she’s blaming her mum , who is housing her , for her partner being shit.

Her mum didn’t even ban him from the house, he just feels uncomfortable. Fuck that shit.

What you do is take responsibility for this mess.

The problem isn’t your mothers- it’s your boyfriend and you.

I hate to say this, but your partner not moving heaven and earth to spend time with his child just because your mum doesn’t want to give him the easy option of meeting in her house doesn’t say much about his commitment to parenthood.

He could see the child at his mothers house, or a library,or a soft play, he could take her swimming, or go for a walk and a babycino in the park, he could have taken her to see Father Christmas at a local mall, gone to the petting zoo. Etc etc etc . I think what you have is a man who has accidentally ended up with a couple of kids and has little or no intention of trying to provide a suitable home for them or to act like a parent.

Where were you both living before you started having babies? you say you are 40, surely you haven’t been living with your mother all this time!

41 and you can't even write sentences properly? I thought you were about 17! Get your own place and stop leeching off your mum

You’re not wrong…

If the OP is a teenager I feel sorry for her, we all make mistakes when young & the boyfriend sounds like an immature waster.

If she is 41 then WTAF - why are they each living with their mums and getting stressed about their arguments rather than building a life together!

41?!? Seriously????? What have you been doing for the last 20 plus years that you are now living with your mum waiting for a “free” house?!?
The way this was written, and this whole scenario, I thought you were about 17 🤦🏻‍♀️
Time to grow up, move out and take responsibility for yourself!
Why is it up to the council to house you?? You should have been working and saving for a mortgage by now, you’ve had plenty of time if only just had your kids!!!