My partners mum and my mum dont get along

[Thekmorrisonxo84]

Hi i just dont know what to do in this situation im feeling so stressful about it all. My mum and my partners mum just dont get along and i dont feel good about it all its making me upset too because I currently live with my mum with my 2 year old daughter and 1 on the way in February. My partner both my kids dad used to stay over at the weekends at my mums to help me with our 2 year old and btw we are still together but he hasn't stayed since the end of November because my mum said really mean things to his mum im not gonna into detail but the things he said my mum said to his were not nice my mum was horrible to her ill admit his mum messaged my mum first but she didn't say anything bad to her and my partner wants my mum to apologise but she won't cause my mum is acting all selfish and she's not thinking there are 2 young kids involved and in the past month because of this we have hardly spent time together because he thinks he's not welcome to come over and he's hardly seen his daughter too and he's really missing us both and I just dont know what to do. I thought things would have been settled by now but they aren't but my partner won't be able to see his daughter Xmas day because of everything that has happened. It makes me upset that he won't and im kinda dreading Xmas with my mum because recently she has been bad mouthing his mum so I think she will probably do that on Xmas day honestly right im struggling with being heavily pregnant and looking after a toddler because its hard work its not easy and my daughter is always on her feet. What do I do?

So where is he living that you can't take the toddler over to his for lunch or the day or whatever
As for saying your mum is acting all selfish..... OP you are a middle aged woman still in her home with a toddler, another one on the way and a boy friend that drops in when he feels like it

If people think OP is a teenager (and her writing style might suggest that) it is more likely they are a bored teenager on school holidays rather than a teenager in a parenting predicament

She does write like a teenager but I can't see an actual teenager posting this tripe on MN for fun. It's hardly an exciting scenario.

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime you'd be surprised! Free housing and 2 children bound to get posters in a spin

Shes so stressed tho 🙄

My MIL and mum have never met 🤷🏻‍♀️ Been together 10 years. Two kids .

You all need to grow up. Your partner needs to put his kids first over his delicate feelings - He's more than likely just using excuses to be an absent parent.

What's more - Who on earth has children when not living together!? These poor kids need a stable home, away from both sets of grandparents. You two need to grow up fast and consider using a condom! Pregnancy is not an 'accident', it's not a bit of magic which just happens. We all know how babies are made!

my mum is acting all selfish
What??? Your mum is the only unselfish person in this sorry tale!

Your post sounds like it was written by a teenager. Yes your mum shouldn't have bad mouthed your partners mum but shes probably frustrated that your living in her house with a toddler and about to bring a baby into the mix and all he does is pop round to stay at the weekend adding more people into her house. Do either of you contribute? Do you pay rent/bills etx??

No its not your fault that there are no houses but it is your fault that you decided to bring a 2nd child into the world when you do not have the means to support the 1st. At 41 you know how to prevent pregnancy

If its hard now its only going to get harder. Cant you move into his home or with his mother. Even if its just weekends. Im 45 but my mum wouldnt even consider to have me live with her and if i did she wouldnt be texting my partners mother. If not ask your mum to evict you and council will have to help. Im sorry but you need to be with your partner and mothers should be able to visit not being responsible for their adult children and grandchildren.

Where does she say shes looking for rented she says shes on the housing list and its not her fault there are "no free houses"

Are you all 12 ?

Do people actually believe that teenagers sit around writing fake posts on Mumsnet? I don't know a single one that would be doing that with their spare time

Get out of there.. get a place for your own family.. if parents can't get on in the future.. don't see them .. have happy times in your own place...either of you saved for a deposit to rent somewhere?

Why isn't your partner providing for you all? I'd go mad living with my mum and my toddler and not being with the father of my children. I hope you get sorted out soon, this falling out is the least of your troubles.

No matter what people here think of your situation it is what it is. Unless you have the prospects of your own place, you are stuck with your mother. Common sense should tell you that you need to smile nicely and have a pleasant Christmas with her and your child. If your partner wants to spend time with his daughter and can't be trusted to put up and shut up in your mother's home, then you'll have to go out for a walk Christmas afternoon and meet up. You are supposed to be adults here - you, him and both your mothers. A happy Christmas is important for your child - never mind you lot. Put that child first.

Uff while silly me and hubby spent years saving for mortgage while paying for rent. Only having one kid as nursery fees are so expensive to afford two..
Should have just asked tax payers to get me a house, and complain its taking them too long.
What a cheek.
You made your kids, you provide for them.

Your post is very hard to read/understand but it seems like you are forcing a lot into a very short time period. As I understand you have a child and are expecting another with someone you aren’t even properly with?

But in the meantime you thought another child was a good idea?

Or you support and house yourself and your family 😡

Why can't you take you child to his home on Christmas day? Your poor mum! Waiting for a council house, pregnant again. You can't make this shit up 😂 guess you don't work? I honestly don't mean to be judgemental but guessing your mum is up there in years now as well and you drag all this shit to her door, then blame her! You should be nothing but greatful to her for putting up with you.so she doesn't get on with your in laws, tell your partner to man up! Your mum is not the issue here.

Your mum is probably at the end of her tether. You are 41, living with her and a 2 year old and soon to be a newborn too.

Where does your partner live? Could you not move in with him? I understand this is not what the post is about but just a suggestion.

Send your 2yo for a sleepover at her Dad’s to get a break.

Your situation is a nightmare, not just for you but for those family members having to support you too. Your behaviour has been selfish. I hope you manage to get on your feet quickly.

Your 41, pregnant, with a 2yo, living at your mams.
Your partner doesn't call or stay over.
I think your mam has a lot on her plate ATM also.
She's trying to keep quite, not upset you (being pregnant).
What has your partner & his mother done to help you and their daughter/grand daughter?
It's an excuse for him not to call around.
He's using your mam as an excuse, reality he doesn't like the truth.
Sounds like you've a great mam who's only thinking of you.
Go give her a big hug. Let him & his mother sort themselves out.
You've enough without worrying about their feelings, they're not worried about you.
Hope it all works out.

Hi ive read all the messages and the hate ive been receiving i dont need it im already feeling a bit depressed and I feel like im not a good enough mum and you all think im blaming my mum for all this I am not ok im just finding all this hard enough I dont want to live with my mum and im only living there till I find somewhere else to live which is hard right now where I live I would love to have my own place but I dont okay I know people are untitled to an opinion but do you have to be mean? You dont know what im going through or my situation I only came on here for advice thats all and yes I am 41 for everyone asking and I know people dont seem to like me and my partners situation but he is a full time carer for his mum so thats why we hardly see each other and the same for his daughter im fine with him just seeing her a few times a week its just my mum isn't happy with that and thats why we cant move in together I dont want us to move in together the now anyway and we do have a new baby on the way which was more of a shock than a surprise cause I didn't know I was pregnant till I was 28 weeks and he will step up once this baby comes in February I know he will he is a great dad to our daughter so will be the same for this little one.