what single piece of advice do you wish you'd known before becoming a mum?

[AnyasMum07]

Am just writing an email to a friend who's due in a couple of weeks. What single piece of advice would you give her?

All some babies want to do is feed and be cuddled. This is normal and you are not making a rod for your own back. If you have a velcro baby, roll with it, don't fight it.

I wish I'd known that it's ok to say "no visitors" and mean it!!

I told my SIL, whose baby is due in 4 weeks, that we will come when we are invited and she needn't worry we will inundate her with our presence in the early days.

I remember having a houseful of people ALL day once, the day after coming out of hospital after c/s and traumatic labour. I wish I had said, right, I'm off to bed, let yourselves out. I did the second time!!

Also, I wish I hadn't tried to be perfect mum and not beaten myself up for stuff, like giving up bfing with DD at 9 weeks. I felt guilty and overwhelmed and she never seemed satisfied and I gave her a bottle. Then felt guilty about it.

With DS I fed him for nearly 6 months, loved every minute of it, I just felt so much more comfortable and happy and felt I was doing it right and you know why.... because I didn't let anyone (HV) make me feel guilty, I had my own mind and did what was best for me and the baby. My first baby was stressful and I wish I could have had the calmness of my second baby experience the first time round. Does that make sense?

Wise words Iliketomoveit.

I wish someone had told me that you cannot spoil a little baby and you shouldn't feel guilty for cuddling and holding your LO.

that it is completely ok for your baby to sleep in bed with you, despite what HVs, MWs and that STUPID pregnancy NHS book they give you say (assuming you're not completely off your face on drink and/or drugs at the time). Prop yourself up with pillows, clasp baby to breast and go to sleep!!!

And what Iliketomoveit said.

it is okay to feel tired.don't aim for perfection sometimes ok is good enough

My mum told me to "listen to all the advise that everyone gives you, & pick the bits you like & chuck the rest away - you know what is right for your baby"

Don´t try to do anything except look after your baby in the first few weeks. In fact can you send someone over to make her stay in bed and have her 10 day ´laying in´period?

I wish someone had made me do this, my sis is due her first any day now and has gone for private midwife care and they ´enforce´ this... I am so

Very wise words people - thanks. Am going to link to this thread in my email so keep them coming!

Everything is a phase. It will pass.

oooh I like Broccoli´s... along the same lines of, when you think you´ve cracked a routine, and then it changes.. it is NORMAL. Mine was finding new routines every few weeks..

Don't try to be superwoman. You're 'job' is to love your baby and to get to know each other. Put dh on 'guard duty', get leaflets for takeaways, get groceries delivered and tell visitors to make themselves a cup of tea.

I feel I really missed out with ds in the first few months trying to be all things to all people at the expense of my peace of mind and my health. 2nd time round with dd was wonderful in comparison.

dust will wait for you! Your baby is the most important thing and housework is not.

It is fine to be in maternity trousers til they are 3 years old.

Your DH will not die if he has to eat ready meals for 6 months.

Try breastfeeding in lots of different positions so that you dont stick to one position. I loved lying down to BF mine and would fall asleep as he sucked away!

Choose one job thats important to you and forget the rest of the housework, for me I had to have a clean toilet you just couldn't get to it

DOn't read the books and don't let anyone boss you about.

That you will never have an idle moment ever again.... even when you are not with your baby you will constantly be thinking/worrying/obbsessing about them.

Don't panic if you don't bond straight away. It will come. It just sometimes takes a while. It took me four months in all honesty, but it was amazing when I realised just how much I loved dd. Release all guilt about everything. All that matters is you and the baby and your partner (if there).

you do not need to be perfect

you do not have to breastfeed, use organic food, washable nappies, lose weight, be a yummy mummy etc unless this is what brings you ease of mind and happiness - the main thing is to rest and enjoy this short precious time with your child.

If you manage to fit in the above that is fab of course, but the most important thing is to be happy and relaxed

Enjoy him / her

Listen to your mother, she has looked after babies before. Don't feel you have to agree with everything she suggests though, she has never looked after YOUR baby.

Portblack that is the VERY best advice

I agree with Portblack definitely, enjoy the baby because that time will never come back, and I also think that babies should be cuddled a lot because how else will they know that they're loved.

1. Look after yourself, as much as you can do, for e.g. if you're breastfeeding then eat properly. Your baby depends on you trying to stay sane!
2. Focus on what is good for your new family - i.e. make sure there's just time for the three of you without ANYONE else around, especially grandmothers.
3. Don't worry too much and go with the flow. Feed as much as they want to feed!