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Original poster

what single piece of advice do you wish you'd known before becoming a mum?

101 replies

AnyasMum07 · 08/06/2008 18:54

Am just writing an email to a friend who's due in a couple of weeks. What single piece of advice would you give her?

OP posts:
SoupKitchen · 09/06/2008 08:52

Guilt is part of motherhood and you will question everything you do and have done.
Take a step back look into your babies eyes and know just loving them will ensure you will always do the best for them

ScottishMummy · 09/06/2008 08:58

lol xenia hire a nanny ehm laundry asst/washer upper/gopher fancy title nanny that is me

AitchTwoCiao · 09/06/2008 09:04

do you know, i really disagree with the whole 'guilt is part of motherhood' thing. it isn't for everyone. not for me, for example. i like to rub along nicely with dd, she's a great girl, but i'm not going to martyr myself over things being perfect for her.

so therefore, my next advice is We Are Not All The Same, you will experience things differently to your friends and supporters, with every bit of validity. just let your eyes glaze over when people extrapolate their own experiences and tell you How It Is...

GooseyLoosey · 09/06/2008 09:05

That "I will be a better mother tomorrow and not make the mistakes I made today" is something that very many mothers feel, not just me.

Kewcumber · 09/06/2008 09:11

simlar to ascicsgirl - "lower your expectations standards"

It won't be what you expect. But don;t ask me what I expected because I have been so thoroughly imprinted by motherhood I can recall what I imagined it would be like!

Kewcumber · 09/06/2008 09:14

I'm also with Aitch - I don;t feel guilty about much (or even anything I don't think).

A good day : I do my best, I love DS, I earn the money to keep him fed and clothed, we have a lovely time together.

A bad day : I do my best, I love DS, I earn the money to keep him fed and clothed, he is grouchy, I get cross then we make up and we have a lovely time together.

I don't worry too much about the bad days, in the grand scheme of things they're not too bad.

posieparker · 09/06/2008 09:22

Tell your friend not to bother with any visitors because if she follows Xenia she will have 2 weeks with the baby and then off for 8-6 days away from the baby. Perhaps tell your friend to have an adoption agency on stand by with visitation a couple of times a week.

AitchTwoCiao · 09/06/2008 09:22

that's EXACTLY what i feel, Kew. i don't really question myself, just think 'well, that wasn't a lot of fun, i'm going to make an effort to have a funner day tomorrow'. it's all about me...

posieparker · 09/06/2008 09:26

Kew, I had no expectations and had an easy time, my babies fed and slept with no wind issues..... then I had a third!!

QuintessentialShadows · 09/06/2008 09:28

If I had known how much love and laughter my life would be filled with, having children, I would have had them a lot sooner, to ensure I could fit in more before becoming "too old".

QuintessentialShadows · 09/06/2008 09:28

If I had known how much love and laughter my life would be filled with, having children, I would have had them a lot sooner, to ensure I could fit in more before becoming "too old".

QuintessentialShadows · 09/06/2008 09:29

of course, I have two, that is why I had repeat myself and say it twice.... sorry about double posting.

ThingOne · 09/06/2008 09:41

Ah Qunitessential I often think that.

Don't feel you have to get out of the house and do things after your baby is born. Get somebody else to do the shopping or get it delivered. If you want to go out and show off your little angel, fine, but don't think the world will end if you stay in pjs for two weeks. Lying-in was a good idea to give your body time to recover and you plenty of time to cuddle your newborn. Newborn babies sleeping on your shoulder are just divine. Your DH may well ask for some share of this baby on shoulder sleeping time and you really do have to let them have a go - it is their baby too so share nicely.

It's an old one but "they grow up very fast - enjoy them when they are small". This was great advice for me and I had no guilt whatsoever in spending hours "doing nothing" with my babies.

If you really want to breastfeed and you hit problems call a breastfeeding counsellor from NCT, LLL etc. Or post on here and get advice from those in the know. Don't rely on the advice of HVs, MWs, well-meaning friends and rellies. If you want to breastfeed and someone says "one bottle won't hurt" ignore all their other advice on the topic . If you don't want to breastfeed or aren't really bothered then ignore this advice.

Bridie3 · 09/06/2008 09:43

There is a golden age before children start full-time school when you can just cancel nursery and take a day off work, if you're working, if the sun's shining and it's June or September and the beaches aren't full.

Some of my best memories are of me and the children on uncrowded, pre-school-holiday beaches.

mollysawally · 09/06/2008 11:35

Thats a fantastic idea birdie, one I will remember for when my DD is a little older

Judy1234 · 09/06/2008 12:45

Definitely try to ditch any guilt if you can. I think what makes some mothers happier than others is when they aren't guilty. I always felt happy with my choices and know they were best for me and my children. Some women live in a permanent state of feeling they haven't done things right.

Also try to bring up daughters so they don't have that internal sense of not doing enough.

Also don't put off having a second child. We know some only children and they kind of came about because the time got more and more before numbder 2 was thought about and by then the parents felt couldn't cope with another one whereas if you get on with the second fairly quickly it's easier.

EffiePerine · 09/06/2008 12:46

Most things are normal and will pass.

Guilt is a waste of time.

Buy a bigger laundry basket.

EffiePerine · 09/06/2008 12:48

Don't consider divorce in the first year

fondant4000 · 09/06/2008 12:59

I'd say: Ignore any 'advice' - including mine!

Seriously, I'd say:

Trust the way you feel about things and don't do things because you feel you 'ought' to do them that way.
'This too shall pass' - enjoy the good moments, live through the bad.
Your baby thinks you're great

brrrrmmmm · 09/06/2008 13:07

Ooh definitely everybody thinks of divorce in the first year!

No matter how much fun you think you're having and how gorgeous the baby is (after the blur of the first few months obviously) they just keep getting better and better!

I found Libby Purves' book 'How not to be a perfect mother' very good for relaxing me, and also helped DH realise that babies might be some fun, not just hard work.

MrsBadger · 09/06/2008 13:12

'this too shall pass'

and to start thinking of foods she can prepare and eat with one hand whilst clasping a newborn to the breast with the other (croissants are good as they don't need buttering, bu tbest are sandwiches someone else has made)

talilac · 09/06/2008 13:14

That no two babies are the same, and what was true for your mum/mil/best friend won't necessarily be true for you. So listen by all means, but trust your own instincts..

HappyMummyOfOne · 09/06/2008 14:12

Burn all the baby books and do what your instinct tells you.

cestlavie · 09/06/2008 14:18

Your cat knows more about babies than your health visitor

Anna8888 · 09/06/2008 14:22

The world will wait for you. Your baby won't. Enjoy your baby now, because before you know it, he/she will be off to school and babyhood will be gone forever. And babyhood is absolutely wonderful - but only if you aren't simultaneously trying to carry on living in society in the same way that you did before having a baby.

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