what single piece of advice do you wish you'd known before becoming a mum?

[AnyasMum07]

Am just writing an email to a friend who's due in a couple of weeks. What single piece of advice would you give her?

Spend as much time as you can in bed with the baby for the first 6 weeks. Don't aim to do anything more than shower/brush you teeth on a daily basis.
During this phase your mantra should be "feed & gaze. Feed & gaze".

After this time your mantra is "Its just a phase. Its just a phase".

cestlavie lol that is so funny

At no other time in your life will you be loved and needed so deeply. You are the centre of your baby's world - be there for them..sod the rest of the world they can wait!!!!

DOn't assume all women want to spend 24/7 with their child. We vary as women as much as men differ from each other. Find what is right for you which may be going back to work. It is very boring with a baby 24 hours a day after a while and hard work and really a form of domestic service so many women (and men) like relief from that either by way of child care whilst they pursue hobbies or whilst they work. There is nothing wrong with that stance and plenty of women find that the best compromise.

Don't assume all women will be bored of being with their child 24/7, sometimes it's boring, sometimes it's not - a bit like work. There is nothing to be ashamed off for looking after your baby and cleaning the loo.

Message withdrawn

That you might grieve quite a bit for the time when your children are no longer children.

I go into my dd's (7months) room in the mornings and she gives me the most beautiful smile and I find myself thinking how unfair it is that one day she will no longer smile at me like that in the mornings, one day she'll be grown up and I will no longer have her to look after.

Bleuuuughh I know but I can't help it

those midwives and health visitors are often talking rubbish, so check out everyting on mumsnet / internet / mum first

That newborns don't go to bed at 7...

And that there is NO shame in finding it all very hard sometimes. Just because it looks like everyone else has got it sussed sometimes doesn't mean they didn't spend the day before sniffling in vomit-stained pjs saying "what do you want!"...

That going with your baby's routine is okayn fact it's brilliant.
That baby's have personalities some happy, some very not happy and sometimes this has nothing to do with you!!! I had good babies before a nightmare, same parenting style but really different babies.

And finally - that it is absolutely extraordinary and really amazing.

For practical quick advice I liked the baby whisperer book. It made sense and gave me something to follow when I was too tired/confused to think.

Kamilosan or Lanisol for those poor nipples post breastfeeding.

Learn all the winding positions quickly, and wind after each breast/bottle; if you try and put a windy baby down, you, and they, will suffer.

Breastfeeding lying down is not evil, its neccesity; you do not have to sit upright in a chair with your arms and feet at right angles to the floor to do it.

Expect your partner to be crying in the kitchen at least once during the first 8 weeks because they feel they can do nothing right. However nice you are and however much you involve them. Sometimes you will lose it and thats ok.

Good luck
x

foxythesnow fox - like you said!

Oh, gosh, yes! I wish I'd breastfed lying down right from the start - the way your head nods as you start to drop off sitting up isn't fun...

in france (well in michel odent's clinic) they start you off bfing lying down from the first feed.

I loved feeding lying down especially when you know you should be getting on with other things and then bingo, it's two hours later and you're all refreshed having fallen asleep!!

baby whisperer???? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Seriously to be more constructive, try books if you want, but if following the book's advice doesn't work, the book is wrong, not you.

I was shown how to breastfeed lying down in hospital by a lovely midwife.

It was my DD'S favourite feeding poisition.In the early days, no matter how stressed she was if I laid down she would feed and settle. Which is probably because laying down calmed me down and calm mother = clam baby

Completely agree about the winding fourlittlefeet..and my dp had the same crisis in the kitchen!

to be honest about the baby whisperer, I followed the easy advice (Eat, activity, sleep, you) but not in more detail than that, and I liked the chart about what the different cries meant, thats about it though.

trust your instincts.listen to other's by all means but they aren't necessarily right.

relax and enjoy.. everything else will sort itself out.

Buy a sling or ten and carry that baby everywhere. It will save you so much stress because she wont nap, or he wont let me put him down, is it ok to leave her to cry while I prepare a meal, go for a wee, put a wash on answer the door etc? All of this is pretty much taken care of by baby wearing.

Completely agree with cestlavie's advice further down.

Just before I had ds, my IL's cat had kittens. And every time I looked at her, she was lying on her side, dozing and feeding her babies, being brought food every few hours!

Seemed like the best way to do things - so I copied her!

Sleep & rest now!