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wasn't sure where to post this - have had a horrendous day AGAIN - please reassure me that this will end and I will be able to type a positive post again

94 replies

Mummy2TandF · 25/05/2008 22:03

Where to start? It was my cousins baby's christening today, we had to be there for 1pm, service at 1:15pm ... lo's woke up at 8am, had breakfast - I got dd 18mths dressed and put her down for a nap at 10:45am so that she didn't get tired and ratty at the service, ds 3.6 didn't want to get dressed so lots of bribery and rushing around, then I finally got dressed! My parents drove to me so that they could follow me to the church. Had to wake dd up to put the lo's in the car and off we went...I got myself upset on the drive there because I was wearing a dress which dh had commented on (he said I looked gorgeous in it and it was the best dress I had ever bought) which was quite unusual and then realised that I hadn't worn it since that day, I got half way to the church and took a wrong turn and got myself upset again because I thought I knew where it was but it was always dh who had directed me to it and actually I didn't know, I eventually found the church (mum & dad still following) just in time, we got out of the car and parents had a go because we were driving round in circles!! )they have got a sat nav just didn't bring it!) Went in the church and cried all the way through because the last time i was there dh was with me and the last christening i went to was our dd's and dh was with me (where i had worn the dress)

We then went to the reception - me, the dc's, mum, dad, sister, her fiance and her son. Everyone was chatting but i had the dc's to keep an eye on and chase after, so didn't speak to anyone, didn't even have a drink - I asked my sister to keep an eye on dd while i took ds to the toilet, when i got back everyone was chatting and no dd - asked around, nobody had seen her, panic set in and I was running round the pub looking and calling for her - saw sisters fiance at the bar and said "i can't find dd, I can't find dd" and he shouted at me "what do you want me to do about it!!" So I screamed at him "Help me look for her!" but he didn't ... just then a man came in from outside and asked if I had a little girl, I said yes and he said that someone had just grabbed her out of the middle of the main road!!! I just burst into tears - dd was fine, I wasn't - I gathered both dc's and went home I just can't face family functions like this on my own, I can't be in 2 places at once, I can't do this on my own without dh, I feel like I am not a good enough mummy - My mum just called and said the family can't be expected not to socialise just because I have 2 dc's - I only asked for them to keep an eye on her for a minute!!

Sorry for mammoth post, I could put more but I am sure you are fed up if you have got this far ... just needed to talk to my cyber friends and get it off my chest

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littlelapin · 25/05/2008 22:06

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Buda · 25/05/2008 22:07

Your family are being totally selfish plonkers!

FFS!

Am so angry on your behalf.

onepieceoflollipop · 25/05/2008 22:08

Oh it made me as well. I was upset that no one would support you even when you just took your ds to the toilet and needed your sister to keep an eye on dd. How frightening for you.

WallOfSilence · 25/05/2008 22:08

Oh Jesus, how nasty of your sister's fiance

I can't think of anything else to say pet, but is your family generally supportive?

Your mother's comment when she rang you was totally out of order, but then you know that already.

((((hugs))))

snice · 25/05/2008 22:09

Sorry but your family sound crap-and very insensitive. I would have expected someone to realise it might be a traumatic day for you.

And if your sister wasn't going to bother to keep an eye on your DD then she should have said so.

Sorry again for your rubbish day

foofi · 25/05/2008 22:09

Oh you poor thing - so sorry you have had a shit day - I wish you had more support. Hope MN can make you feel better x

ruddynorah · 25/05/2008 22:09

omg! sorry this has happened. your family should be ashamed

notjustmom · 25/05/2008 22:10

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dizzydixies · 25/05/2008 22:10

what a bunch of tossers

easiest answer to this is don't bother next time, if they can't be supportive like a family are meant to be then just stay away and treat yourselves to a day out instead

QuintessentialShadows · 25/05/2008 22:15

How terribly unsupportive and shameful.
Poor you.

WanderingTrolley · 25/05/2008 22:16

My God.

Your family are less supportive than a tissue paper bra.

I think you did brilliantly to go at all - driving all that way on your own, and having to sit in the church with your memories of dd's Christening and dh....hats off to you, I think you've been incredibly brave.

You've had a horrible day of 'firsts' and a big shock with dd, but from tomorrow you should take a deep breath and think of all that you achieved today ,even though it was so incredibly hard.

Have a nice bath, a glass of wine and relax.

Mummy2TandF · 25/05/2008 22:16

Thank you all, I keep hoping that my family will actually realise and comprehend what has happened but they don't - I was driving home crying thinking - surely I am not so wrong for hoping for a bit of support or help with dc's on occassions like this, but when I speak to my Mum for example, she makes me feel selfish and self centred for thinking like that - maybe I am?
My mum said to me tonight - when all your arranging for the fun day is over maybe you should stop thinking about bereavement, because you won't be able to forget it otherwise and move on - I will never forget it and move on ... I might get through it (feels unlikely atm) but I will never forget it

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wessexgirl · 25/05/2008 22:18

I don't think they can expect you to socialise with them if they seriously put their right to drink ale and gossip above your dd's safety.

Have some 'time off' from them and look after yourself. You're clearly doing a fine job with your dcs .

yurt1 · 25/05/2008 22:18

I'm not surprised you're upset.

Don't doubt your mothering abilities, your family are being awful

MrsWeasley · 25/05/2008 22:21

Oh So sorry about your day. IMHO your family should be helping you out and supporting you not adding to your stress.

I hope they wake up to themselves soon!

Shitemum · 25/05/2008 22:23

It's still so recent. How can they be so unsupportive and uncaring?

So sorry.

cazzybabs · 25/05/2008 22:28

You donot sound selfish and self - centred.

You are bereaved and so can think about it.

My family wouldn't be like this...but it will get better, easier.

I am sorry you have had a shit day. You sound like a fab mummy BTW

bonniefromboot · 25/05/2008 22:33

Hi Mummy
I'm so sorry you had a crappy day.
YOU ARE NOT A BAD MUMMY.
My family went through a phase where all they did is critiscise and I was civil but that was it and in time they did get over it.
I think all you can do is to concentrate on yourself and your kids and keep talking to the people who are supportive!!
xx

littlelapin · 25/05/2008 22:35

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Mummy2TandF · 25/05/2008 22:36

I know my dc's are both, how can I put it active and curious and as my mum rightly says, they haven't got young children so they should be able to enjoy themselves, but they are active and curious for me 24hours a day 7days a week and it's hard going

I wish I could take a step back from my parents for a while because I do feel stressed when I am with them and like I am not allowed to get upset or admit I am not coping very well but they are all I have got and I need to speak to adults sometimes, as much as I love my dc's, being with them exclusively is sooo tiring atm

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MARGOsBeenPlayingWithMyNooNoo · 25/05/2008 22:37

flippin' hell, what a horrible day you've had. Your sister was very irresponsible.

You did get through it. Your husband was in the forefront of your mind today- that's good and very sad at the same time.

Just think - no other family gathering will ever be as bad as this one.

{hug} a nice cuppa and biscuit from me. x

Mummy2TandF · 25/05/2008 23:01

Thanks Margo, have had the tea and biscuit ... am now thinking of opening the wine! have just lost the bidding on Ebay for some summer clothes for the dc's and also a pair of crocs for dd

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littlelapin · 25/05/2008 23:02

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hertsnessex · 25/05/2008 23:19

so sorry you are having it so tough M2T&F. You would think someone would support you - it doesnt seem reasonable for your mum to say what she did. We are always here if you need us, and please feel free to contact me anytime xx

Mummy2TandF · 25/05/2008 23:21

LL - your kind heart astounds me, honestly, you are always here to support me, thank you, she is an infants size 4 (iddy biddy)... the pair I was bidding on were hot pink, sooo cute and they were as good as new & I could have collected them, so didn't have to pay postage - If the dc's have to wear 2nd hand clothes, I really try hard so it doesn't look like it IYSWIM and except for my mum, I don't think anybody has noticed. How much do you want for them?

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