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wasn't sure where to post this - have had a horrendous day AGAIN - please reassure me that this will end and I will be able to type a positive post again

94 replies

Mummy2TandF · 25/05/2008 22:03

Where to start? It was my cousins baby's christening today, we had to be there for 1pm, service at 1:15pm ... lo's woke up at 8am, had breakfast - I got dd 18mths dressed and put her down for a nap at 10:45am so that she didn't get tired and ratty at the service, ds 3.6 didn't want to get dressed so lots of bribery and rushing around, then I finally got dressed! My parents drove to me so that they could follow me to the church. Had to wake dd up to put the lo's in the car and off we went...I got myself upset on the drive there because I was wearing a dress which dh had commented on (he said I looked gorgeous in it and it was the best dress I had ever bought) which was quite unusual and then realised that I hadn't worn it since that day, I got half way to the church and took a wrong turn and got myself upset again because I thought I knew where it was but it was always dh who had directed me to it and actually I didn't know, I eventually found the church (mum & dad still following) just in time, we got out of the car and parents had a go because we were driving round in circles!! )they have got a sat nav just didn't bring it!) Went in the church and cried all the way through because the last time i was there dh was with me and the last christening i went to was our dd's and dh was with me (where i had worn the dress)

We then went to the reception - me, the dc's, mum, dad, sister, her fiance and her son. Everyone was chatting but i had the dc's to keep an eye on and chase after, so didn't speak to anyone, didn't even have a drink - I asked my sister to keep an eye on dd while i took ds to the toilet, when i got back everyone was chatting and no dd - asked around, nobody had seen her, panic set in and I was running round the pub looking and calling for her - saw sisters fiance at the bar and said "i can't find dd, I can't find dd" and he shouted at me "what do you want me to do about it!!" So I screamed at him "Help me look for her!" but he didn't ... just then a man came in from outside and asked if I had a little girl, I said yes and he said that someone had just grabbed her out of the middle of the main road!!! I just burst into tears - dd was fine, I wasn't - I gathered both dc's and went home I just can't face family functions like this on my own, I can't be in 2 places at once, I can't do this on my own without dh, I feel like I am not a good enough mummy - My mum just called and said the family can't be expected not to socialise just because I have 2 dc's - I only asked for them to keep an eye on her for a minute!!

Sorry for mammoth post, I could put more but I am sure you are fed up if you have got this far ... just needed to talk to my cyber friends and get it off my chest

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WheresTheAuPair · 28/05/2008 11:52

Hi Mummy2TandF- my DS is 20 months and climbing the walls today (after being ill all last week) and having many many sofa days he's now bouncing off the walls-this would be ok but he's passed it onto me and i'd love the luxury of some rest having spend the night sweating/shivering!

so far Kipper and The Snowman have been my saviour but at 11.42 he's reaching his TV limit...argh. (wish I HAD an Au pair today lol)

Tinkerbel6 · 28/05/2008 12:41

Mummy2andF so sorry to hear you are really down at the moment, your family are extremely selfish, I am a lone parent and also in essex, email me and we can have a chat and also see if you are near me so I can help out, my dd is at full time school so am free during the day if you want some me time, email me at fitbabe98@ hotmail . com

WheresTheAuPair · 28/05/2008 16:45

By chance I was in toddler clinic today and saw this bereavement service advertised
(020 8599 4111). Think it based in Dagenham

MilaMae · 28/05/2008 17:09

Mummy2 my heart goes out to you. I think your family behaved terribly.

I remember your previous thread as my friend lost her dh in the same circumstances as yours but a couple of months earlier. I think she posted on it. I'll see if she can post on this one as she may have some advice re family functions. She has had a couple of nightmare ones but I think they're getting easier, don't think she really likes them though.

She's nearly gone through all the 1st anniversaries and has said things are getting easier,don't know if that helps a bit.

If she's not up to posting I know she'll be thinking of you.

What were your dc's clothes and shoe sizes??

Gracelo · 28/05/2008 17:11

Mummy2TandF,

please send an email to AlbaRUB @ googlemail . com
I had a look through the bag of clothes that I was going to give away and there is lots that I think will fit your daugther. Most of it is barely worn (we are in Scotland, that probably explains why the summer clothes are as good as new).

GreatAuntieWurly · 28/05/2008 19:48

mummy2t&f, if you ever need a hand i'm only in dagenham, a mere bus ride away, wonderful tea and cake maker and fantastic shoulder to cry on or just ears to listen. Just email me if you need anything

[email protected]

Mummy2TandF · 29/05/2008 00:07

Tinkerbel6 - Thank You for posting, that is very kind of you.
WheresTheAuPair - Thanks, I will try that number tomorrow, it's got to be worth a try, how kind of you to think of me.
MilaMae - I am so sorry to hear about your friend, if she feels able to post that would be nice, or maybe you could CAT me with her email address? ds is size 4-5 and shoe size 9 and dd is 12-18 or 18-24 and shoe size 3/4 - strange dc's I have
Gracelo - thank you so much for your kind offer
GreatAuntieWurly - Thank You aswell, you are all sooo kind, MN really has been my lifeline at times.
My BIL was supposed to come to visit today (the first time since early december ) but surprise, surprise SIL called and said it would just be her and their dc's - i am so with him, he is a grown man, my dc's are only babies, they have lost their Daddy and they do not need to lose an uncle aswell
And as they say "it never rains but it pours" - my boiler decided it didn't want to work anymore this morning, so have had no hot water or heating today!! And my Dad went back to the hospital to have his DVT chacked and thay said that the Heperin injections and warfarin tablets had not made any difference in his blood, so he is still at risk of it breaking up and causing complications - Why does it always seem to be me???

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kidsrus · 29/05/2008 00:18

Hi mummytotandf hope you have had a better day today and feeling more relaxed.
have you looked at netmums local meet a mum,there is also a few pages on childcare and local advice.
Also the family grapevine might have an edition nr you which you can find on the web just here not sure if this one is near you

kidsrus · 29/05/2008 00:23

also your idea of help from your local college is good.i had help with my 1st dc 1 pm a week. she cuddled while i bathed,tidied,drank t,and chatted it was great to have adult company.
she is a mum of 3 now and needs the help now so roles have reversed.

Mummy2TandF · 29/05/2008 00:46

kidsrus - thank you for that link, I have had a look but unfortunately it is not in my area - I was about to contact the college today but then realised that they would be on half term, so I am going to call on Monday, fingers crossed because I do feel that i need some sort of help with the dc's even just for an hour or so - would just be lovely to go to the toilet without a child hanging on each leg!!

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Tinkerbel6 · 29/05/2008 13:05

thats sorted then mummy2 and I are going round to auntie wurly for tea and cake

forkhandles · 29/05/2008 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twinmumabi · 29/05/2008 23:39

Hi, so sorry you had an awful time at the christening. I know exactly how hard it is to go family functions with two little'uns on your own, and my family are supportive. My friend mentioned me in her post, I lost my husband in similar circumstances to you last summer and like you am finding life incredibly difficult, tiring and stressful, alot of the time. I think the best advice I can share, is to actually take people up on their offers, it is hard and you do feel vunerable, but the only way to make things better/easier is to take other people's kindness at face value. I also think that WAY do family things in your area, so contact your local organiser and explain your situation and they might be able to help - either with daytime/family trips or know someone who could babysit for you. Go to your doctors and have a chat, I know you're not ill, but they might be able to suggest support groups out there for you. Juggling two LO on your own is tricky, my two are just two and I find I have to be so organised and expect the unexpected! A going to family things idea that might help, I did take a good friend along to one to help with the children, it was like having a private nanny for the day(!) and it meant I could chat and mingle some of the time, so I also had fun - the twins did anyway!The important thing is that you take care of you and the kids, never mind what anyone else thinks or feels, do what is right for you, don't make things more difficult than they already are. Life will get easier and you will find a way to move forward, already I heard of a lady last week who at 32 had lost her husband suddenly leaving her with 2 LO and I thought thank goodness I'm not where she is right now, that was such a hideous time, so i can see the journey I have already travelled. If you want a light hearted moment, but with a serious message too, check out 'widows wear stilettoes' I go there for a pick up! Sorry for the long waffly message, hope it has helped a bit! Take care.

Mummy2TandF · 30/05/2008 00:02

twinmumbi - Thank You sooo much for posting, it really does help to hear from people slightly further down this horrific road - It restores my faith that this is doable. I am so sorry to hear about your husband, it is quite unbelieveable isn't it? I still swing between the reality of our new horrible life and the hope/wish that it is all a dream and that I will wake up and he will be here ... you are so right about feeling vunerable, i don't like to admit that I am not coping and when people (normally strangers) offer help my pride stops me from accepting it but inside I am screaming out for help - I have perfected my "public face" now and everyone assumes i am coping but nobody can understand the enourmity of it (and i hope they never do) I am a member of WAY and have attended one meet up, am just waiting to be told about some more, but they all seem to meet at night and I can't do that because of the lo's. I have also spoken to my doctor but they just keep throwing diazipan(sp?) at me and i don't want to take them - i need to be alert for the dc's, however much I NEED the sleep!! Ans I am still on the waiting list for counselling At the moment I am just trying to keep myself busy, i am arranging a sponsored walk and family fun day in Craig's memory and have thrown myself headfirst into that but have already started to panic about what will happen to me when it is all over ... the thought of nothing to occupy my mind scares me, don't know what I will do with myself. Thank You so much for posting - you are amazing and an insperation to me

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littlelapin · 30/05/2008 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tinkerbel6 · 30/05/2008 09:54

mumm2 have emailed you back, hope you are ok x

Mummy2TandF · 30/05/2008 11:27

Lapin - thank you xx
Tinkerbel - check your junk folder again Don't know why my emails go there.
I am low today, will post later

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littlelapin · 30/05/2008 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummy2TandF · 30/05/2008 21:20

Thanks LL, that is so true in my case although nobody has been terribly supportive and I am sure if I did ever feel ready to meet anybody else, they would be the first to comment - except for my Mum, she is already trying to push for me to meet somebody else I can't believe her!!
She came round this afternoon, with my sisters ds .. I cooked dinner for dn and my lo's while mum drank coffee, then I begged her to look after the children on Friday evening (an old collegue/friend from work is getting married and is coming into London for her hen night) I took me to start crying before she said okay then, but then quickly said that I must drop them off to her at bedtime, put them to bed myself and then go up to London (by then I will already be 2hrs late) and I have to cellect them before 9am on Saturday morning! - The reason, my lo's are too much hard work for her - I am grateful to her though, at least I get to go out

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