wasn't sure where to post this - have had a horrendous day AGAIN - please reassure me that this will end and I will be able to type a positive post again

[Mummy2TandF]

Where to start? It was my cousins baby's christening today, we had to be there for 1pm, service at 1:15pm ... lo's woke up at 8am, had breakfast - I got dd 18mths dressed and put her down for a nap at 10:45am so that she didn't get tired and ratty at the service, ds 3.6 didn't want to get dressed so lots of bribery and rushing around, then I finally got dressed! My parents drove to me so that they could follow me to the church. Had to wake dd up to put the lo's in the car and off we went...I got myself upset on the drive there because I was wearing a dress which dh had commented on (he said I looked gorgeous in it and it was the best dress I had ever bought) which was quite unusual and then realised that I hadn't worn it since that day, I got half way to the church and took a wrong turn and got myself upset again because I thought I knew where it was but it was always dh who had directed me to it and actually I didn't know, I eventually found the church (mum & dad still following) just in time, we got out of the car and parents had a go because we were driving round in circles!! )they have got a sat nav just didn't bring it!) Went in the church and cried all the way through because the last time i was there dh was with me and the last christening i went to was our dd's and dh was with me (where i had worn the dress)

We then went to the reception - me, the dc's, mum, dad, sister, her fiance and her son. Everyone was chatting but i had the dc's to keep an eye on and chase after, so didn't speak to anyone, didn't even have a drink - I asked my sister to keep an eye on dd while i took ds to the toilet, when i got back everyone was chatting and no dd - asked around, nobody had seen her, panic set in and I was running round the pub looking and calling for her - saw sisters fiance at the bar and said "i can't find dd, I can't find dd" and he shouted at me "what do you want me to do about it!!" So I screamed at him "Help me look for her!" but he didn't ... just then a man came in from outside and asked if I had a little girl, I said yes and he said that someone had just grabbed her out of the middle of the main road!!! I just burst into tears - dd was fine, I wasn't - I gathered both dc's and went home I just can't face family functions like this on my own, I can't be in 2 places at once, I can't do this on my own without dh, I feel like I am not a good enough mummy - My mum just called and said the family can't be expected not to socialise just because I have 2 dc's - I only asked for them to keep an eye on her for a minute!!

Sorry for mammoth post, I could put more but I am sure you are fed up if you have got this far ... just needed to talk to my cyber friends and get it off my chest

Where about in the Country are you Mummy2TandF?

your family were awful to you at the christening - every one needs to go to the loo!!! It must be so hard to realise you can't rely on any help from them

Perhaps in the longer term you can look at a part time job (16 hrs) and work out with the extra WTC, CTC and help with childcare (part time nanny??) it may be worth it for you.

Big hugs, hope you have some lovely moments today and please be kind to yourself. The rpactical stuff does get a little easier as they get older.

Didn't get round to making cakes - ds and I just had nice long cuddles on the settee watching the tv - dd is awake again now, so ds and I will really have to get dressed now and I will start to think of what we can do for the afternoon.
Grav1 - I am in Essex

whispers

ON a wet day like today I recommend togging up in all the wet weather gear you can find and going out to jump in the biggest puddles. You, too. Then come home very wet and get into a hot bubbly bath all together. Then all put on Pjs and watch the telly.

str, fab idea my girls are going out in the garden to do that - I shall just watch and wave thru the patio doors - and perhaps get off MN and make some sandwiched for lunch!

CarGirl - the DWP are currently looking into giving me some assistance with the interest on my mortgage, but to get that they will have to put me own as a 10p income support claim, which would mean that if I worked at all I wouldn't get any assistance in that way ... I would love to work, even though dh and I had planned that I would stay a home to bring up the dc's, apart from the money, it would enable me to meet new people, BUT in order to pay my mortgage (which is now variable rate and gone up £200 per month) and all bills, childcare etc, I would have to go back up town to work, which would mean long hours and that I would only see the children at weekends - I think it is too early to do that because they have already lost their Daddy, so I feel it is important that they know I am here ... not sure if this is going to be practical in the long run, but at the moment it's how it has to be - unless anybody can offer me a well paid job working from home or part time? I am very intelligent and driven and am a loyal employee

Would have loved to have been closer to offer you some help but unfortunately we are much too far away.

Mummy2TF that is a pants situation, presumably selling up and moving into rented isn't a good option either (again such a move not in the best interest of the dc at this moment it time)

Working up in town just not an option the days are just too long and too demanding.

I would speak to homestart again and explain how desperate things are they must have someone available.

Big hugs, sadly I'm the opposite side of the M25 so not close enough to help out really.

Just wanted to say how sorry I am that your family were such arses. I'd just look out for number 1 in future and swerve any potentially non chid friendly occasions. Hope things pick up for you.

Grav1 - Thank you so much for that - unfortunately I am slowly realizing that I am completely alone in this, and it is down to me and me alone to get through it - it would just be nice if I had people in RL to talk to about how I am feeling or to maybe help out every once in a while ... Just feels like everything is on top of me atm, I do have more reasonable moments, but haven't had one for a while

Do you have a local WAG group???

CarGirl - selling up isn't an option either, it wouldn't actually free up that much money and am sure it would unsettle the dc's even more. Apart from that, I can't bear the thought of moving any onf dh's things or even change the answerphone message (which says you have reached Mummy2TandF and Craig) and it isn't even his voice .... So to actually sell the house that we chose together, decorated together and made a home in with our dc's together would break my heart Although having said that, if it were an option and would provide us with some sort of financial security of course I would have to consider it

Hi, Have an easy day today. Having one myself...weather is pants so kids are trashing the house instead of being in the garden.

I've only just got dressed .

I also wish I lived nearer as my youngest 2 are similar ages to yours....

I'm sure this will all get better & I'm so that your family aren't more supportive.

Hi mummytoTandF
just thought I would post and say that it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job is very difficult circumstances.
I can't imagine how hard it must be becoming a single parent though berievement,and losing a much loved partner. Just another suggestion, do you have any single parents groups in your area, having some friends in the same boat might be helpfull,and could be someone to do things at the weekends with/childcare swap with?
p.s. my kids have alwasy worn second hand stuff, it makes them cool and environmentally friendly I reckon , mine love having a root round at car boot sales and charity shops and choosing stuff.

I couldn't read this thread and not post.I can't imagine what you're going through but you sound like you're doing an excellent job in the circumstances. Shame on your family for not supporting you today

I'm in your area and have a DS of a similar age to your LO if you fancy any company out and about?

hiya, just to say i have followed your threads and i think you are doing amazingly, have faith in yourself.

and as for your family

i see you are in essex, i am in norwich so not far away if you ever want a day out, my ds3 is the same age as your ds

anyway what i wanted to say was i have some mackays vouchers that i have been given, only i dont really need them, (very generous granny) and there isnt a mackays near me, so i could send them to you and you can use them to get some summer clothes for yourself or the kids? at the moment they are just sitting on a shelf gathering dust.

Well - ds and I didn't get dressed at all today , and the dc's completely trashed the house!! I really needed to get out so phoned my friends, but they were all busy with dh's and family, phoned my sister but she was having a day in with her fiance, and even phoned my Mum & Dad but they said not to go round as they had seen the dc's yesterday and were worn out , so we did nothing - didn't even go to Tescos, did an online shop instead, it's the cheapest way Was going to let the dc's in the garden but it was sooo windy here they would have been hit by flying objects, so we all stayed in and they had every saucpan out playing drums and every toy from the toy box out, they pretty much did what they wanted today
3madboys - that is so kind of you, but Nowich is still a fair trek.
Wherestheaupair - How old is your ds?
Skeletonbones - I like your thinking Maybe I could try that one with ds ... I have been going to NCT sales and got a few bits for dd, so they are not adverse to it at all!! .. I have searched the internet today for single parent groups in my area but all I can find is dating sites Not really what I am after. I am going to look properly this week though because I know that I can't go on like this ... I need to meet new people and maybe gain some new real friends - somebody did say to me that my friends would dissapear and that new friends would be more supportive - sadly they seem to have been right!

Mummy2TandF,

I have loads of girl's clothes that could fit your daugther. I was planning to bring them to a charity shop this weekend but I happily sort through them again and put the suitable ones into a parcel and send them of to you. There is also a pair of brandnew Startrite sandals in 5 1/2.
Can't help with boy's clothes. My ds is only 22 weeks.

mummy2tandf, have you tried ringing oneparent families? there is a link to ther helpline from the lone parent secion, they might know of a single parent group near by, i phoned them a few years ago,when i became a single parent,and had also moved to a new area, and they sent me out a big list of services in the area that i might find usefull. There wasn't a single parent group in my area, but i joined lots of mum and tots, music groups ect ect and met some good friends that way, both single parents and not. NCT coffee morning were good for meeting new friends too. Hope you have a better day today.

Also, have you considered contacting any of the groups relating to loss of a partner? e.g. Widowed and Young (WAY Foundation) or Merrywidow. I understand that you may not want to for all sorts of reasons, but they may be good people simply because it seems like you won't have to explain any of the feelings and frustrations and hurt attached to the loss of your DH, as everyone there has been through it too. It might be a good way to make some new friends in a supportive environment...just a thought anyway, feel free to ignore if it's not right for you

Hope you're doing well today And no blushing about having an indoor fun day with the kids yesterday - sounds like they had a whale of a time!

yes the creches are free - the exact arrangements will vary from the centre, in the centre I used you could leave the kids there if you are doing a class/course/having a relaxation treatment at the centre but with other centres there may be different arrangements (i.e. allowing you to do other stuff outside the centre). if you get your face known at the children's centre, I would hope that the workers there could advise you as to what support might be available (e.g. if you qualify for some free nursery hours due to your circumstanves)

just wanted to send a cyber hug. So you had a pyjama day, it sounds like the kids had a whale of a time. All credit to you.

Your mother talks out of her arse, i bet she has a hard time showing emotion and she can't cope. Well thats her problem not yours. You need more time to grieve and you mustn expect so much of yourself. If you want to have anotehr PJ day tomorrow then do, although they reckon its going to be a warm day tomorrow - day at the beach or woods then.

There must be some sort of forum for bereaved partners, something that arranges local meet ups etc, could you ask your HV about this? I know nuthing, anyone else any ideas on this??

Keep fighting, craig would be so proud of you xx

oh i have pj days too, i think they are healthy and a normal part of parenting, seriuously everyone needs pj days

you have email btw

one day at a time xxxxxxxx

Thanks again everybody - thank you so much for the offer of clothes for dd
it is very late/early again, so I can't remember who posted what but yes - I am a member of WAY although most of their meet ups are in pubs in the evenings, which of course I can't do, howeveer I did meet up with a few of them the other week at a soft play centre which was nice. I am also a member of MerryWidows and have found the chatroom there invaluable, it is nice to feel "normal" and know that everybody on there understands your feelings completely. Again I have met up with a few of them and they are all really nice but they seem to be a bit older than me ... there are not many 31 year old widows with 2 young children, so they are at different life stages to me and although we have the bereavement in common, that is where it ends .... except for Solodad on here - who has been a big support to me