To think people don't realise this about mumsnet

[Teacup40]

I posted a thread the other day which didn't go very well it quickly became a bit of a pile on and I asked Mumsnet to please take it down as some responses were quite nasty, Mumsnet ignored me. The thread kept going and I then realised this could possibly be outing I explained this they again ignored me.
I've come away from this feeling completely shit I struggle with negative feelings about myself which I realise is no-one else's fault but this hasn't helped and I'm also worried people in real life might know it was me.
Anyway there's not much I can do about it and I just wanted people to be aware that if you post and Mumsnet feels the post is entertaining to others it won't be removed when you ask.

Chin up.
People are shit and love drama x

I've had posters ganging up on me on some threads in the past and it's a horrible experience
.
So I can imagine that the way some OPs get absolutely ripped apart by multiple posters can have a real damaging effect.

It's the way that on some of the threads the unpleasantness seems to be orchestrated- posters who know each other actively working together - that is really disturbing. The fact that they obviously enjoy upsetting people and that's how they get their kicks is appalling.

I'm really sorry that you've had such a negative experience OP.

Surely the answer is not to post at all if you're feeling vulnerable. Once you post anything, it's out there and people will respond in their own way. Don't invite them in and they can't come in. Get face to face interaction with people you actually know and care about .... or a good therapist.

I’m sorry it went badly. That can be a horrible feeling.

But i do think most people realise that they need to make sure their posts are not outing, and that public opinion can go either way.

(I don’t think most people realise how easy it is with the right technology to link your posts with other data to establish who you are, even if you have name changed.

I also think a lot of people don’t realise that having threads deleted, or putting things in “30 days only” makes no difference to that, because data is already scraped.)

I can't belive I'm about to defend MN.
But this is a business. And the content it's their product.

I frequent Baby centres DWIL board

The mods there copy and past every OP into the comments so if they 'dirty delete' it's still there
No posts get closed.

Of course they Want the posts to be entertaining.
We are here to be entertained, and then generate them income.

I think people should have the ability to delete their own threads. Or at least their own posts. It feels very old fashioned and restrictive to have no control and one day somebody will be really badly affected by it

The thing is I just asked a simple question and I didn't expect anything negative to come from it. I wouldn't have posted something controversial as I wouldn't want the negativity.

I really don’t understand how vitriolic some posters can be on here.

But I also see a culture of threads being removed merely because the OP doesn’t like the way they’re going. Sometimes, it’s better to ignore it.

They do seem inconsistent on deletion though. Sometimes a perfectly sensible looking debate will be removed for "reasons". I'm not sure what the threshold is for removal

If you want the ability to delete your own posts then try Reddit or something instead.

What was your post about? This place can certainly be brutal if the OP is genuinely being unreasonable, eg the poster yesterday who was demanding an immediate meeting with her son’s teacher.

That's not in the best interests of MN.
Other platforms do offer this.

@Snoopdoggydog123 i know it’s not. More views/ hits = more advertising ££.

However, if it’s in the best interests and safety of their users they should consider it. As almost all other sites/ apps do

It depends who you are OP. Certain posters have no trouble getting threads deleted if they aren’t going their way 😕

You need to practice the same online safety caution as you would advise your children to. Don’t give out identifying information about yourself, or any details which can make you recognisable. Remember that anything you post can be screenshotted, and can exist on the internet for many years to come. Too many adults forget this.

I'd be a lot less inclined to respond to threads if I knew the OP could decide to delete it on a whim. Composing a measured, detailed response would become a waste of time.

I agree, the other week I got completely the wrong end of the stick when responding to someone’s thread. I realised my mistake and tried to edit my comment but it wasn’t allowed. Within minutes I had 3 posters calling me out and basically calling me stupid. I wish there was a way to delete your own comments.

That’s your prerogative. Your feelings shouldn’t trump others though

You can name change and hide or stop reading the thread. Plus you can turn off all notifications. Obviously that won't help with it being outing though. Some people do seem to be able to get their threads deleted for being outing. I'm not sure what the criteria is.

Once it's posted it's not yours. This is true pretty well everywhere on the internet and we know nothing goes away anyway. Stuff you put out there will be out there forever. If you don't understand that you're either too young or too naive to post. That may not be what you want to hear, but it is nevertheless true.

MNHQ don't keep threads up because they're entertaining, though they do do that obvs, but also because they are helpful, have helpful info in among the replies etc. There are still a lot of people who come for info and help and ideas as well as entertainment or a soundboard.

You have to think about what you're posting and whether you really want to know. Always remember, don't ask a question (of anyone, in RL as well) unless you're prepared to hear the answer you don't want.

And the posters are free to go there.
MN can also rely on the common sense and individuals responsibility for themselves.

I’ve been piled on a few times over the years. It’s a horrible feeling. They've not been my threads though as I don't make any, but I find a break and a new username helps a lot.

Never start threads, ever. I have started one in a decade and that was out of genuine interest on a political issue. I was well prepared for the abuse though, I knew it would piss people off. Also when you do post, if you get bad faith, attacking, abusive or hyperbolic responses and it makes you feel anxious, hide the thread immediately. You’ll forget about it within minutes.

MN is great for information, if I have a query about anything I’ll Google it and then put Mumsnet at the end and you’ll get loads of great real life advice/experience on that specific issue. It’s a fun place to spend half an hour here and there but like anything you need to put in guard rails around how you use it,to protect yourself. It’s presented as this supportive space for parents so you relax and use it that way and then it feels shocking when you’re stamped on. It’s all quite false really.

I once posted a straightforward qurstion about mental health - I was concerned about someone else’s child. The level of vitriol from posters accusing me of trying to shame the mother / being out to ‘get her’ etc etc (I wasn’t at all, I was genuinely concerned) was unbelievable to me. I was quite prepared to be educated but not attacked!!

My query came from a good place, it was a bizarre and really unsettling experience.

Ha! I long for the day when my phone will have the ability to prevent me from posting if I’ve had more than a teaspoon of wine, or am exhausted or ill. It’s so easy to post an idle thought, without much, if any, thought and then watch the whole thing blow up in your face.

MNHQ are sometimes understanding. They may not always agree to delete a thread, but they can make it less visible, if that seems wise.

Good point about screen shotting, though. Never occurred to me that anyone might do that with any of my fifteen million posts, but I guess it’s possible.