UC expects single parents to work 30 hours, any tips on how to do it?

[Llama98]

I’m new to mumsnet but this is really stressing me out at the moment. I have a son (will be 4 in a couple of weeks) and a daughter (will be 2 in a couple of weeks, there birthdays are days apart from each other 😆)
and I’ve already had 2 meetings telling me that when youngest is three in a year I need to work 30 hours.
I live on my own, have no help and the dads only have the kids over night every other weekend just for one night.
I always get “what about grandparents” but they all have full time jobs or are disabled and cannot physically look after young children.

So I just want to know, how do I do it 😭

Being alone with next to no help is hard enough as it is. My Daughter starts nursery soon and I couldn’t even find space for the kids to be in nursery at the same time!
I work a couple of hours a week but that’s dependent on if my daughters dad cancels on me (he likes to just declare he’s going travelling or has other stuff to do) as he will look after her a couple of hours so I can work but that’s only 5 hours a week.

i also can’t drive so doing drop offs, getting to the job then pick ups again will be difficult. If it was 16 hours needed to work I could probably just about (and I really mean just about) manage it all.

has anyone had any experience with not being able to meet the 30 hours and if so what happens? There are not many flexible jobs and I would need one to make this work.

sorry about any mistakes i do struggle with my dyslexia quite a bit 😅

Because it's actually really sh*t when parents with a husband or partner claim to have it just as tough or tougher than single parents.

I personally had to cut a friend off for this, she'd say it all the time.

And I say this as someone who used to have a husband, who worked away while I looked after our 3 children and worked.

I'm now a single parent, it's way harder. Whether you work or not it's WAY harder. When I was on maternity leave and not working, it was still MUCH harder.
Not many people appreciate the huge mental load among other things that single parents carry on their own.

It is not comparable in any sense!

HTH.

YY to this above. It is in no way comparable.

A childminder ‘might’ take children early at 6.40am? Many willl take from 7am anyway due to work hours, so if you could find work at old care home at 7-2.45pm shift that might work nicely if you only need the childminder 6.30- until school drop off time and school holidays?

Dropping of a young child at 6:45am at a childminder will lead to someone burning out. The op doesn't drive, how will this even work in the middle of winter? It'll be a fast track to illness for mum and child.

@Sinkintotheswamp - it’s not great. But op said those shifts are 7-2.45pm. So the kids could be collected from school not needing afternoon care. So everyone home earlier and bedtime earlier etc. it’s probably less burnout than 9-5pm as kids would need morning and afternoon care

OP as a single parent who has suffered for years with illness related to stress and overwork, burnout and not having any help from my ex, I would say don't go for something that requires difficult life juggling if you can avoid it.

Mental health is worth more than killing yourself trying to work every hour of the day, if you can possibly avoid it.

What's more useful - someone that is fit and healthy for their kids, earning a bit less, or someone stressed, unhappy and on burnout mode because they're trying to do all sorts of ridiculous jumping through hoops. If you can, find the simplest least stressful way to achieve the required goal. Most money for the least hours. Or least stressful job that fits around your and your kids lifestyles that meets the required criteria.

@mine78

Yes well said.
A few of the stay at home mums used to complain about being "left" to do everything through the week and how hard it was.
Try doing it full time with no break, no one to phone up to talk to about a particular parenting issue, not having enough leave, having to look after your children while being really poorly and knowing there is no one else to ask. Worrying about money, bills, the rent, the mortgage.
It's absolutely relentless.

@Llama98 there are free courses available to you. You could do some additional training g ie Level 2 TA or SEN (if you're experienced but not qualified). Then Employers will see you have been doing things to be ready for works.

I agree, this sounds easier to me than a 9-5 . I think the OP might struggle to find a CM willing to start so early though. Also the OP knows the job well and it's almost full time.
The best suggestion I've seen is becoming a child minder herself. If she did flexible hours, early starts, weekends etc, she might be in very high demand.
Oh, and ignore the doom and gloom about all the stuff single mums can't do OP. Plenty of single mums do manage to work full time and do all the rest. No reason to believe you're not one of the 'can do' mums and not one of the 'can't do' mums.
Best of luck

Hi OP. I feel for you, it’s hard. I’m a single parent with no support locally and I manage this by doing a job that pays more than minimum wage per hour. It’s by far your best option if at all possible. As others have said, this isn’t about doing 30 hours work, what they want is for you to earn the equivalent amount to 30 x £minimum wage, per week. Also look for supportive employers. Or flexibility to do some work from home.

Where I am the school has no wrap around care, and there are no childminders available. I’ve looked and there just aren’t! So I understand that just stick them in childcare, isn’t always that easy. It depends where you live.

Learning to drive might not be easy either. Here it’s expensive and there are long waiting lists for instructors but if it’s possible it’s such a useful life skill.

That is insane!!

Most parents have to do this, and are not burnt out or ill! It’s just a case of going to bed earlier 🙄

Nobody said she was having it "easier". Just that it is not comparable. The struggles that single parents face are entirely different.

1. Being responsible for every parenting decision and nobody to discuss things with

2. No emotional support

3. Being the sole financial provider for your household and the pressure of that, the fear of losing your job or becoming to ill to work with no backup

4. Knowing there will never be any respite at weekends or any other time, never a day off from responsibility. No matter how unwell you are or how exhausted you get there will never be even one day when you can rest and recover properly. The sheer relentlessness of it that will never end should not be underestimated and far exceeds that even of someone doing the majority of time alone because there IS an escape for them, sometimes.

5. Your children having to deal with the emotional impact of a parent not involved/ barely involved in their life and all that comes with that.

6. Being taxed far more than a two parent household with the same household income so therefore being at a constant financial disadvantage and having to work more than twice as hard for the same standard of living for your children as parents who can split caring and earning between them because the tax system compounds the inbuilt disadvantage (doing two people's jobs already) by also taxing you more of your money than a couple would have to pay.

I could go on. But if you are incapable of seeing any of that for yourself despite a lot of it being blindingly obvious, then there's probably no point in trying to explain it to you.

Perhaps the responsible parent, the superhuman who does stick around when the other one vanishes, the one who does the work of 2+ people on their own should be held up as an example of the most resilient, determined and committed parents that there are and treated with respect, rather than continuously subjected to disparaging comments from clueless people who haven't actually thought it through at all.

Oh and the 13 weeks of school holidays to cover with one person's annual leave! Little bit easier, don't you think, if there are two of you and you get twice the number of days off?

So higher childcare expenses are a given, higher tax on the same income, responsibility for everything, no rest ever, nobody to step in if you are ill or hospitalised, and you need to do all the earning and caring in 24 hours that a couple split between them and have 48 hours per day to do.

But yeah, because one of them is focusing on earninf for X days per week it is really just like the single parent who is doing all of both the caring role and earning role all the time, on their own. 😒🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

Well said @Meemeows It's usually women who end up being single parents. Maybe that's why society demeans and punishes them, instead of acknowledging the struggles they face.

Exactly. 85% of resident single parents are women still, yet the few men who do it are lauded as heroes (and generally get far more help from family because everyone feels sooooo sorry for them). Go figure.

OP don't forgot about the statutory entitlement to unpaid parental leave, everyone gets this but employers don't usually shout about it- you get 18 weeks per child up to the age of 18, can take 4 weeks a year maximum per child.

If you do 2-3 weeks a year between the children to help cover the school holidays, it helps and UC will top up your earnings so you shouldn't be worse much worse off.

I use holiday clubs too, which are very expensive but still get the 85% back

I'm sure this is right.

Most parents are not dropping children off at childcare at 6.45am!

Why would UC top up your earnings?

Uc pay 80% of my childcare as a single parent... might be worth looking into sorry I hrtft.

@MerryMaker because if you take a week of unpaid leave, your earnings will drop a little but UC will go up.

Thanks. I did not know UC still paid out if you took a week off unpaid

@merrymaker well yes, your earnings will go down for the assessment period, but that means your universal credit will be higher

Honestly your response in null and void, like so many others on here. You are not a single parent, having a husband bringing in money who works away during the week is in no way comparable to being a single parents with full financial responsibility.

OP posted asking advice from single parents so I'm not sure why so many non single parent posters are even posting with advice. You have no idea.