UC expects single parents to work 30 hours, any tips on how to do it?

[Llama98]

I’m new to mumsnet but this is really stressing me out at the moment. I have a son (will be 4 in a couple of weeks) and a daughter (will be 2 in a couple of weeks, there birthdays are days apart from each other 😆)
and I’ve already had 2 meetings telling me that when youngest is three in a year I need to work 30 hours.
I live on my own, have no help and the dads only have the kids over night every other weekend just for one night.
I always get “what about grandparents” but they all have full time jobs or are disabled and cannot physically look after young children.

So I just want to know, how do I do it 😭

Being alone with next to no help is hard enough as it is. My Daughter starts nursery soon and I couldn’t even find space for the kids to be in nursery at the same time!
I work a couple of hours a week but that’s dependent on if my daughters dad cancels on me (he likes to just declare he’s going travelling or has other stuff to do) as he will look after her a couple of hours so I can work but that’s only 5 hours a week.

i also can’t drive so doing drop offs, getting to the job then pick ups again will be difficult. If it was 16 hours needed to work I could probably just about (and I really mean just about) manage it all.

has anyone had any experience with not being able to meet the 30 hours and if so what happens? There are not many flexible jobs and I would need one to make this work.

sorry about any mistakes i do struggle with my dyslexia quite a bit 😅

Clearly you have no idea what working parents do because you don’t know any! Of course they do. Our breakfast club starts at 7am even at school!
My eldest dd is on the school bus now. Jesus. Some people are completely out of touch.

No they don't. None of the school parents or my colleagues were dropping off at stupid o'clock. Breakfast club and nursery at 8am was hard enough for most of us. Only a tiny number of working parents could manage a 7am drop off for very long. And I doubt they are lone parents without a car.

You can't just go to bed earlier as a lone working parent. Children get ill, children don't always sleep, the house needs tidying, parents might want to study and just get basic life admin done.

Honestly I really despair at the 'can't do' attitude of so many posters. Every suggestion shot down full of excuses why the OP can't make it work. She can't even get up early apparently because it'll make her ill according to some posters.
Thank god not everyone, including plenty of single parents, in the country thinks like this.

You can't extrapolate from your one school to assuming what "most parents" are doing.
Most childcare does not open at 7.
I promise you I have experience of many, many more childcare settings than you.

The main one I find funny is “did you expect to just not work?” when my post was literally me asking advice on how to work as a single parent, meaning yes I’m expecting to work 😂 I thought this site was a place for parents to help each other

Apart from I do? Otherwise why would I make the post?

I don’t know if you looked at all the replies but I have replied to a comment with a job suggestion that was helpful to my situation. I know I have to work I wasn’t expecting people to say I don’t have to because the reality is I do have to. Every situation is unique, and all I wanted to know is how others made it work, sorry I can’t reply to everyone

oh and to add that I work in the only free time I get already and would do more but cannot at the moment due to the face the nursery in my area only accepts kids when they are 2 and only have limited space that I’ve already booked her in for.

The few hours I’m doing atm can’t be upped as I help a small business with packing and posting there orders and they don’t have anymore hours to give hence why I’m looking into different options for the future

What you are looking for is a magical formula that is going to make it easy for you, and that does not exist.
Learning to drive was probably important before having children. Doing things in order so you have the skills required to move around and work, get on in life.

You are going to need to find a local childminder first, then a local job and then work towards some qualifications to expand your opportunities - in the evenings - or you will remain locked into a hopeless poverty trap.

So, little backstory. I was married, financially stable, worked full time and was learning to drive before I had my first kid. I had to give up driving because in over a year I couldn’t do it, my mum has thought for a while I have dyspraxia. Lately I’ve thought of getting a diagnosis with it because I think then a driving instructor can approach differently, but back then it was fine my husband at the time would learn to drive instead. We also were fine for me to stay home when we did have kids, and originally I wanted to go back into work when both were in school. But, things happen and now I’m on my own and I am fully aware that plan won’t work anymore. I didn’t have kids expecting to do it all on my own.
im not looking for a magic formula to make life easy I just wanted to talk and get advice from people in similar situations

I think this is unnecessarily judgemental and lacking in empathy. Like lots of the responses on here.

OP - as a single parent I have found the best thing for me is working from home as self employed. Flexible hours, higher hourly rate, less stress and no awkward holiday haggling with your boss. Yes it can be hard to work around your kids if they are at home as well e.g. weekends, but stick them in front of the telly and send a few emails etc.

Depending on your skills look for something you can do from home - e.g. managing social media accounts for businesses, marketing, run a website of your own, admin and support for businesses, web design - upskill in any way you can if you need to. There is so much you can do from home.

thank got not everyone in this country has a judgemental attitude against single parents like a lot of the posters on here with zero clue how bloody hard it is being a single parent.

Is there something creative you might be interested in starting own small business from home?
you would still need childcare but more flexible.

Can you start as a private carer for people? Then you could set own rates, and in school hours ( or 8-5.30 on just 3 days if you can get nursery place and before/ afterschool)

Empathy? It’s a few hours work not a terminal illness. Honestly!

I'm not saying OP shouldn't work.

Are you a single parent? Ever been a single parent? Without financial or practical support from an ex, friends or family? With two very young children?

It's punishing at times. And yes, I have worked all throughout being a single parent. At times the demands of being a single parent, paying all bills and juggling work and the emotional and practical load made me frequently ill - I spent the first seven years actually feeling permanently under the weather, and my hair fell out, at times I couldn't walk properly and developed all sorts of horrid autoimmune issues due to the stress.

The OP is willing to work. Keep your judgement to yourself. It's disgusting.

I completely agree, my ex was useless and didn't do anything but he was at least here so I could go to the shops at 9:00pm. Being a single parent, making all the decisions and the heartbreak that brings is completely different.

I would also say, you can ask for different hours on the job advertised depending on the role.

I stretched my 2 1/2 days to 4 school hour days. It was as easy as that. Holidays they can go to an holiday club which is free / 85% paid for on UC.

OP you won't get sanctioned as long as you do everything the job centre ask. Show them your childcare timetable and ask them to help you find jobs which fit. They may send you on a fortnightly job support meetings elsewhere but I found these supportive and empathetic, as they're outsourced to a private company. They offer some decent courses as well for well-being and confidence. I was given a health and well being mentor for a couple of months through this. Most job centre staff I was with were understanding and as long as you show them you're proactive and doing everything you can within the difficult limits of your life, you should be fine...with me, I applied for all the jobs they suggested and more which fit within normal hours and didn't get any, but they could see I was genuine. During the nursery years I made it clear I was desperate to work, but nurseries in my area were at bursting point, no chance to change hours with childminders 15 hours per week and only open term time as well. They count any kind of self development as hours spent looking for work, so say yes if they offer these, as you can do these courses after kids are in bed.

İt will get easier when both kids are at school and they know this. My situation is different, in that my daughter turned out to have additional needs which were more prominent as she got older, so I was signed off as a carer- but it was my third work coach who encouraged me to do this, but as long as they see you're trying they'll help you to stay afloat.

I have exactly the same problem, they keep pushing and pushing. I have 2 SEN children 3 and 6, single mum without any contact with dad. They said the same to me about grandparents and I said well they work full time which is what you’re basically asking of me so it’s a bit backwards to try and rely on them. I have numerous mental health issues and autism, every time I go to the job centre it’s the same thing, you need to find more hours you’re not doing enough. My toddlers nursery is only open mon-thurs 9-3 term time, I e been told to also use a different nursery, I live in a remote area and the other 2 nurseries are full until 2026 or later.
there is something they don’t tell you, it’s not actually based on hours, they want you to earn over 1,300 a month so if you had a higher paying job you can work less hours and meet their threshold. Yes they pay for some of the childcare, but there isn’t childcare available in school holidays for children under 4 in my area. I get put down every time I go there despite managing to go self employed cleaning/housekeeping and earning just over £600 a month, I’m constantly tired, I don’t have time for lunch during the day because I’m working between school drop off and pick up, my health has gone severely downhill and now have anemia, my house is an absolute state because I’m too exhausted, I have zero energy left after getting home cooking dinner to be able to sit down and do reading with daughter for her homework to earn her badges (it’s also an absolute battle with her because she’s dyslexic) honestly I am burnt out, then to visit a lady sat behind a desk only looking at it all on paper and having to listen to “well you’re just going to have to try harder” it’s a miracle I haven’t had another mental breakdown.
this new 30hour rule is a piss take, I’m doing 16hours currently at a struggle so they can go f**k themselves, this is no life for my kids I want to actually be able to spend time with them and not be an absolute grumpy mess all the time. They say they’ll sanction you if you don’t do 30hours, but at no point will they be able to deliberately put children into poverty so it’s all added stress us single parents don’t need!

It's not sustainable, someone will crash and burn at some point whether it's kids or parents. We did three days a week drop off at 8am at a childminder at the other end of the street, and one day with granny round the corner, for a few years, between two of us, and that was hard enough.

This wouldn’t be a problem for me if my toddlers nursery offered early drop off before 9. I done it with my first child but that’s because I wasn’t single and dad done drop off because I started work at 5am and then I would pick her up in the afternoon (a nursery that’s too far now as it was one near where I worked) Add a second child to the mix and it’s all f*ked. the system is fked, single parents are f*ked. Once my toddler also starts school then full time work is achievable, drop them both off together in breakfast club and off I go. 16hours for parents when their youngest gets is 3 up until they start school and then require parents to work at least 30hours thereafter. Simple.

Reading these posts makes me sad, and cross. Not at the parents/PPs, but at a system that can make it really hard. I wish that there was accessible childcare and wraparound care for all, that ran at sensible hours, and was in place to allow FT work for all who need it; and good reliable transport links that enabled easy access to work/childcare/amenities for those unable to drive; or better flexibility in shift times to give parents a cat in hell's chance of being able to work!

In my PP, I said what I used to do when DC were little. I was a single parent from when my eldest was a newborn til he was about 6.....and then again after 5/6yrs when XH fucked off permanently (he does not share ANY childcare or parenting responsibilities. XH was useless (I was the breadwinner - he'd often go awol); no childcare available to fully cover the shifts I worked (apart from sourcing a CM for a year where the cost for a single weekend of childcare, 6:30am to 8:30pm, was £440 - lucky I could drive as she lived 15miles out in a remote village!). I'm privileged and lucky enough to have an education and qualifications to fall back on, that I have my health and can drive, that my DCs are NT and have no additional care needs, that I live in a 5mile radius of my work and the DCs schools/childcare settings (public transport not great but I can walk/cycle if need be), that my job (eventually) allowed me to negotiate my hours so that I COULD work around childcare availability...and things were still bloody hard. But what of those who don't have those things (but want to - and have to - work)?

My DC are now older (11 and 18), so that makes things a lot easier now, but I've never forgotten how bloody hard it was when they were little. I also am embarrassed at just how naive I was BEFORE having my DC, when I just stupidly assumed that childcare was easily accessible for everyone and WOULD cover the hours I needed. After all, I live in a town which has a large acute NHS hospital, plus two private hospitals....I just thought that there'd be accessible childcare that covered the dayshifts for those workers. But there isn't. I have seen that naivety in colleagues too: I remember my boss (and others) giving me an awful time when I had to cut work/be late in because my then "D"H had gone AWOL, I was scrabbling to find someone to have DC before their nursery/wrapround care started (7:30am and 8am respectively) etc so I could make it to work for a 7am start...or leave early to pick them upon the afternoon/evening (my shift would finish at 8pm...their childcare would finish at 5pm for one and 6:30pm for the other). That was almost impossible when I would wake up at 5am to get ready for work, only to find that "D"H had run out in the night when I was asleep...or I find out midshift that he'd fucked off. You feel shit that you're letting work down etc, that you're failing as a parent, and you worry about keeping your job (on top of the stress of dealing with AWOL H, and upset DC). I remember when my boss (and others) got pregnant and asked me about childcare. They were horrified that there WAS no childcare available in our area that covered our shifts (apart from that CM that covered my weekend shifts). They asked me what I paid and were shocked at the costs. It was honestly only when I was able to negotiate different start/finish times (which coincided with my childcare hours) that life became easier for me...as I could work FT hours and not worry about things so much. When the DC were ill, different story, but luckily they don't get sick very often.

Sorry, this post is long and I'm ranting...I know there's no magic wand to wave, and the cost of the things to enable universal and robust childcare across the country, better flexible work hours....and ditto for better transport links etc would be through the roof.

OP, have you found any solutions, or come up with any ideas?

Reading these stories there is definitely a gap in the market for more childminders with extended/weekend hours. Can some of you struggling with childcare look into becoming childminders?

İt wouldn't be fair in the single parents' children to come home from school and spend every evening and weekend at, basically, their parent's place of work. How would they have days out, go to clubs, and unwind at home after a tiring day at school. Not to mention not being able to spend time with mum, or dad.

So you don't want any services to be open evenings or weekends? As if they are they have to be staffed, sometimes by parents......