UC expects single parents to work 30 hours, any tips on how to do it?

[Llama98]

I’m new to mumsnet but this is really stressing me out at the moment. I have a son (will be 4 in a couple of weeks) and a daughter (will be 2 in a couple of weeks, there birthdays are days apart from each other 😆)
and I’ve already had 2 meetings telling me that when youngest is three in a year I need to work 30 hours.
I live on my own, have no help and the dads only have the kids over night every other weekend just for one night.
I always get “what about grandparents” but they all have full time jobs or are disabled and cannot physically look after young children.

So I just want to know, how do I do it 😭

Being alone with next to no help is hard enough as it is. My Daughter starts nursery soon and I couldn’t even find space for the kids to be in nursery at the same time!
I work a couple of hours a week but that’s dependent on if my daughters dad cancels on me (he likes to just declare he’s going travelling or has other stuff to do) as he will look after her a couple of hours so I can work but that’s only 5 hours a week.

i also can’t drive so doing drop offs, getting to the job then pick ups again will be difficult. If it was 16 hours needed to work I could probably just about (and I really mean just about) manage it all.

has anyone had any experience with not being able to meet the 30 hours and if so what happens? There are not many flexible jobs and I would need one to make this work.

sorry about any mistakes i do struggle with my dyslexia quite a bit 😅

Yea I agree. OP hasn't answered any of the helpful suggestions from those of us in the same position!

She's only answering people who are telling her what she wants to hear- that it's impossible. And giving more reasons why it will be difficult for her, such as catching illnesses at nursery. That's something that we all deal with!

When my youngest went to nursery at 9 months, she caught so many illnesses and I had to have so much time off work. It was tough and I had so much anxiety, I really thought I was going to lose my job. It being all on me as a single parent was horrendous. It doesn't create the best first impression returning to work and then having to take leave constantly because your child is ill. But it didn't stop me from trying though, and luckily I didn't lose my job.

I think OP wanted to come on here and have people tell her that she shouldn't have to, and give her advice on how to get around this.

No one is saying it's not hard, not at all. But it's definitely possible.

"I still had to get 3 DC up and ready for school/childminder leaving the house at 7.25am to drop at childminder and get into my school. didn't get home until almost 5pm after collecting from childminder each night. I had to cook all DC meals, supervise homework, get DC bathed and up to bed, throw in a load of laundry some nights before starting on marking. 2 of my DC had SN's. I then spent half a day each Sunday propping lessons for the week. Finances don't really come into it because I paid my childminder for childcare and OP will get 85 percent of hers paid. Emotionally I was drained."
@caringcarer

Yes I did all that too but alone without a break or the emotional and financial support of another adult.
Assume your husband would have taken time off if you were ill? Single parents do not have that 'luxury' and it's a constant worry.
Please stop comparing yourself to a single parent. It's insulting.

Yes I think the childminder idea is a really good one as suggested by a pp.
Good ones are very much sought after and you do still get paid in the holidays if you use retainers.
It will be good experience to add to a CV too.

There’s a huge undercurrent of distain for people that don’t work on Mumsnet so you’re getting a bit of that. They’re making sure you don’t dare think you’re going to live on UC! Don’t take it personally.

Agree, becoming a childminder is a really good suggestion. I would seriously give that a go OP.

Well if you were working hard and raising children as well, you might raise an eyebrow or two at those living on the taxes you pay! And doing nothing. Healthy able bodied people that could be productive and contributing in even a small way.
No, we shouldn’t be paying people to sit around doing nothing all day every day for decades. Absolutely not.

She's not any of those things- we have daily contact with her so I know her life inside out.
I wondered if she is claiming to have mental health issues. She makes videos all day on TikTok of her pretending to sing along to music.

Consider childminding again. I know you said that your space is limited, but could you spend the next year rearranging your house/flat to clear a suitable play space for your youngest plus an additional child or two, during the daytime?

You can be registered to care for less than the 'maximum' amount of children, if your space is limited. If you have cared for adults with SEN, then it could be a really good fit and would remove the stress of nursery spaces, getting to school/nursery on time for pick ups, etc.

You also wouldn't need to do it for more than a few years if you didn't enjoy it and it could be a lot easier financially, as you can claim a lot of expenses as tax deductibles (% of your heating bill, % of furniture wear and tear, setting up costs, etc).

Good luck in whatever you decide to do. It's a tough situation and I really wish they'd change the rules to something like 16 hours at age 3 and 30 hours at age 5, at least for single parents. Bringing up children well is also of huge value to society--something that seems to have been forgotten a bit recently.

@JimHalpertsWife she definitely claims benefits as my dh and her mother help her with money management frequently so it's all on the spreadsheet she has.
She has no other income apart from benefits.
We bought her a car so she could drive to interviews but she sold it to her friend (and kept the money) so not being able to drive would limit her.
I just wondered how she manages to have not worked for 16 years now. She must be saying mh issues

Apologies, I used the wrong terminology (got mixed up between MIF and AET). It works similarly though.

I would personally look for the highest paid job that met the AET with the least amount of hours, obviously if you can get and do more hours on a higher wage, or have the potential for extra hours within the role, then go for it.

I personally think it makes little sense to work 30 hrs at minimum wage when you could work for say 20 at a higher wage that hits the AET. Especially as a single parent - time is your most valuable commodity! Obviously keep options open for extra hours and so on but don't take a minimum wage job for the sake of doing "30 hrs" if you don't need to and can make more money on less hours.

^ Here’s one now 😃

The majority of single parents claiming benefits do work (saw a figure saying 65%).

The amusing thing about a lot of people benefits bashing is I find that often they do not work or contribute much to society in taxes themselves on a personal basis - a friend whose husband paid for everything and she looked after the kids (housewife) used to moan and moan about people on benefits. Ironically while not working herself. If they realised how hard the majority of single parents do work - both at parenting, and fitting in work around this - they might be a bit more empathetic.

And the other 35%?
I think single parents need to be supported to care for their babies without pressure - it’s a valuable job - but once the child is of nursery age yes they absolutely should be working.

And very happy to be so, thanks ☺️

The other 35% are likely looking after children with additional needs (e.g. autism or disabilities) meaning work is very difficult, caring for other members of their family (e.g. disabled family member), or have significant health issues themselves, or job hunting?

Claiming Universal Credit puts a hell of a lot of pressure on those who are unemployed and so the small percentage who don't fit in the unable to work categories outlined above (health issues, children with needs etc), will be job hunting.

Your opinion is blinkered and quick to demonise.

Dinner ladies work about 2 hours a day slap bang in the middle of the day so she wouldn't be able to do any other job, what a pointless suggestion.
The amount of people on this thread living in la la land making up bad advice and shaming the OP is unreal.

OP before you look at retraining, check if there are flexible or WFH jobs in demand in that skillset. Aside from very local jobs, you can also look on Indeed and search "remote" as the location rather than as the search term or job title. There are loads of jobs to trawl through and they're updated constantly, so hopefully something with some flexibility that fits your skillset (or the one you're planning on getting with some training)! If the job is remote it makes it a ton easier for pick ups/drop offs as there's no commute to factor in.

I work 24 hours a week but pick up over time when I can to make it up. My job centre was fine with this as I earn over the AET which is 18 hours at minimum wage.

If you are honest, explain your circumstances and show willing they will do what they can to help you!

That's your tip?

They are such sought after roles.

My local school sets you verbal and non verbal and maths tests. Requires you to lead a group lesson that you have to plan and gets you to do a break time duty as part of the interview.

I know! They have absolutely no idea!

It's not just the financial side, it's the emotional side. There's only you when the kids are ill or haven't slept well (so you don't sleep well either and still have to work). You still have to do all the housework, shopping, admin, 100% childcare every single day and go to work.

Finding childcare in the holidays is a nightmare as you don't have enough annual leave to cover the school holidays. I took unpaid leave which meant I struggled during the summer in particular.

Exactly. Nobody with whom to discuss decisions and share the responsibility. Nothing ever gets done at all unless you do it or organise it yourself. The relentlessness of it, never a lie in, or just "popping out" without the children, or someone else to take care of them if you have flu or a vomiting bug or are recovering from an operation. 13 weeks of school holidays to cover with one person's annual leave. Absolutely no prospect of even one day of freedom from responsibility, ever. Aside from being the sole financial provider.

It is the most clueless thing in the world when these ignorant comments are made. Even if someone's husband is away and uncontactable for months on end it isn't remotely like being a lone parent because it is finite, let alone someone whose husband just worked away in the week. 🤨🫠

They are such sought after roles.

Here schools are constantly advertising for TAs and can't recruit them because the salary is so low!

OP you have a year so I'd focus as much as possible on using this additional time you have now - which you won't get again - on getting some extra training so that you can start on a career path that has room for promotion and progression to higher earnings. With your existing experience could you look into how you can work and maybe also do some further study e.g. to become a SALT or OT in time?

This also provides an opportunity once you are experienced to be self-employed and earn far more, later on, if you're good at your job.

Meanwhile I'd do everything possible to learn to drive. Do you have friends that would be happy to put you on their insurance with a provisional licence so that you can practice with them once you've had a few formal lessons? That would cut the cost of learning substantially.

I know it can seem insurmountable but it's not, you just have to tackle one thing at a time. I have two autistic children and have been a lone parent since they were tiny, no family help, no involvement from their father. I have worked full time since my maternity leave ended. It's hard, and exhausting, but it can be done. Getting rock solid childcare in place is essential so I'd recommend getting childminders/ nannies in place as well as some nursery hours so that you have options to juggle. This will also help once they go to school as you can continue using them during school holidays.

I find some of the comments on this thread really disgusting. I probably pay more tax than many of these unpleasant posters and their husbands put together yet such people always try to stereotype single parents due to their own ignorance. They could do with a good old-fashioned Mumsnet head wobble. This is a forum where people come for advice and support, not vitriol.

@Meemeows

That's really interesting. I'm an ex teacher and couldn't get a TA role.

I don't know why @caringcarer is getting such a hard time. Her weeks, with just herself, sound incredibly hard work and frankly much, much harder work than the OPs life. Three kids and a full time job, with her husband away all the time so just her there. Compare that to the OP with two kids and only five hours of work each week and an ex who takes the kids sometimes, admittedly not often, but still. I don't know how anyone can think caringcarer has it easier than the OP.