Gparents not considerate of baby?!

[caif90]

Hiya,

Would love some thoughts on this as we're going away for the first time with baby and my parents. We're staying at a cottage they own in the UK while another family and my brother & his gf are staying in accommodation nearby. We do an annual get together with both our families which is usually quite raucous by the end after everyone's had a drink!

This year we obviously have baby and my mum had just mentioned she's invited everyone (10 people total) to the cottage after a lunch out for drinks and games. I asked whether everyone plans to leave around 6:30/7pm when baby goes down for bed - to which she said they probably won't leave at 7pm. The cottage is small and in the past, these two families coming together have not been known to be quiet! 😂

Now we have baby (and aren't sleeping well at all atm!) I'm quite surprised that this hasn't been taken into consideration. I appreciate my parents want us to be there and also have a good time but we now have a 4 month old to look after and so our priorities have changed and we won't be downing drinks or compromising on her routine - especially since she's not sleeping well atm. I'd be so angry if she was woken by noise - because any parent will know how long it can take to put a baby down in the first place!! We also probably will want to go to bed when baby does / or just after to maximise sleep.

I'm now thinking we should look at staying elsewhere and booking an airbnb or something so they can have their fun and we can slip off around 6:30pm to put baby to bed etc. I didn't realise initially this was the plan otherwise we would've booked somewhere separate already.

Am I being too rigid in my approach as a mum or is this totally valid? I don't really know how to approach it with my parents - because I know realistically on the night it's not really going to be possible for everyone to keep noise down after 7pm considering she'll be sleeping in the room directly above - and it also won't be as fun for them having to be conscious of this either.

Help and advice warmly welcomed! TIA!

I asked whether everyone plans to leave around 6:30/7pm when baby goes down for bed

This is not reasonable at your parents' cottage, especially as it sounds like it's just one day.

You've said family get togethers always get raucous and if that doesn't work for you any more, I think booking different accommodation would be best.

I don’t understand why you think everyone else has to take your baby into consideration? That’s up to you to manage.

Why can’t you swap with your brother & gf and stay in the other accommodation? Then you can leave early?

Id also get baby used to noise, long term there is no good comes from tip toeing around them.

You had the baby, you stay elsewhere if you don't like the plans

I’m surprised that you thought everyone would leave before baby’s bedtime. Staying elsewhere is a good idea but I’d talk to your mum first so she doesn’t get annoyed that you’re not abiding by her expectations of the trip.

It's their cottage they can invite who they like round. I gets it's probably annoying (I know what it's like having to spend hours getting the kids to sleep) but you have the option to not stay. 7pm is early for adults to have to leave a get together and a couple of nights of a different routine isn't the end of the world.

You either need to stay somewhere else or decide routines don't matter for this weekend and go with the flow. As basically the other adults won't want to be quiet by 7 and will forget be quiet.

Not all babies struggle to sleep through noise or need tight routines so parents of that type of baby will think you are making a fuss. And people have short term memories so even if thier baby was one that would wake up and was a nightmare the next day as a result, they will have forgotten the stress.

So you want to world to stop for a baby for one day?

I understand how hard it is when you are sleep deprived but you can't expect everyone to go home early just because you have a baby now. Either just deal with it, if necessary put the baby to sleep in another room to start with so it's not overhead, or swap with your brother. For the sake of one night I'd just deal with it. The noise might bother your baby less than you think. At 4mo ours used to sleep fall in the living room with the TV on and we moved them later. Get some eae plugs for you if you want to go to bed early.

I would “let your hair down” and enjoy yourself. Ask the family to hold baby before they start drinking so you can have a break for even half an hour with your partner.

i loved having noise around when my children slept because it got them used to it instead of letting them sleep in silence and then having to tip toe around them for the rest of forever. Baby will be restless whether your home or away.

also you may have a routine but baby won’t at this age - so a few nights isn’t going to make a difference and you can pick back up as normal when you return home. (I’m saying this as someone who relies on routine)

its really important to let your hair down and have fun because babies are stressful and the little years are relentless. In the nicest way, I think expecting guests to leave early for baby is unreasonable xxx

Get your baby used to noise when they're sleeping - it will save a lot of problems (doorbell going through a cot nap, coping better with mobile naps, or drunk family members in your case). My 3.5 year old still goes to sleep with her white nose machine on, and given how noisy she can be, her baby brother would definitely not sleep in the day ever if I didn't have white noise for him too. The constant noise actually helps them sleep, and it blocks out external noise that might otherwise wake them

There’s no need to be an idiot. Having a new baby is hard and sleep deprivation isn’t a walk in the park. Try being abit kinder

In my experience babies will sleep when they’re going to sleep, regardless of noise. No amount of silence will make a baby sleep who won’t otherwise.

And yes, yabvu to expect the world to tiptoe round your baby.

i get that sleep deprivation is hard, it really is torture and i Hope baby’s sleep settles down soon.

I'm now thinking we should look at staying elsewhere and booking an airbnb or something so they can have their fun and we can slip off around 6:30pm to put baby to bed etc.

Sounds like this would be the best option really, although probably better if you see how it goes and aim to be a bit flexible as it’s an ‘occasion’. Everyone isn’t going to be whispering, for sure.

You are going to be at 7pm?

I suspect the noise won't bother a baby of 4 months. I do know how scary and unpredictable this all is but do try and go with the flow and see how it goes. Could be v positive for all.

So you're also going to go to bed at 7 'when baby does' to maximise sleep? Even at a family get together? Surely there are some exceptions to this.

Relax a bit.

Babies need to learn to sleep through some noise. Get them ready for it by being a bit noisier around the house.

Yes I am sorry but you are being unreasonable. I understand as she is your precious first born but babies generally sleep through noise.
And you can't expect everyone else to be quiet after 6.30 when they are on holiday .
I also think it's better generally not be be inflexible. Babies routines can and do change
But if it concerns you the best thing would be to rent somewhere near by.

I'm now thinking we should look at staying elsewhere and booking an airbnb or something so they can have their fun and we can slip off around 6:30pm to put baby to bed etc.

or you could live a little? having a new baby is hard, but you have to learn to adapt! why should either you or your other half miss out on family fun just because the baby needs to be asleep by 6.30? how old is baby? when you say new, if they are asleep by 7pm sounds like you have a solid routine in place already...

Yes you're being OTT and rigid and yes you're probably being U. However it's your prerogative! I was the same. 10 years later I've managed to loosen up a tad but still love me a routine and a bucket load of sleep and still don't like my kids being woken up in the night

... sorry just to add ... I'd stay elsewhere just for that night.

Yep you are being completely unreasonable. You cannot live life with such rigidity. You need to be flexible with your baby or you will make life miserable for yourself.

Try to get your baby used to some noise while sleeping, they'll sleep better in the long run!
In the meantime, yes you should probably look at staying elsewhere. It's unfair to expect everyone to leave by baby's bedtime.

You can't expect a large group of adults on holiday to arrange their movements around your baby. Getting your own accommodation would be a sensible move.

Sorry but I don't think you can expect everything to stop on holiday at 7pm when you've gone away with others! Stick some white noise on upstairs or just keep her up late. Holidays are a lot easier if you go with the flow - if you have a lot of family around, lean on them to watch baby etc during day while you catch up on sleep too.

You should definitely look into staying at a b&b because you’re so far in the wrong it’s laughable.