Gparents not considerate of baby?!

[caif90]

Hiya,

Would love some thoughts on this as we're going away for the first time with baby and my parents. We're staying at a cottage they own in the UK while another family and my brother & his gf are staying in accommodation nearby. We do an annual get together with both our families which is usually quite raucous by the end after everyone's had a drink!

This year we obviously have baby and my mum had just mentioned she's invited everyone (10 people total) to the cottage after a lunch out for drinks and games. I asked whether everyone plans to leave around 6:30/7pm when baby goes down for bed - to which she said they probably won't leave at 7pm. The cottage is small and in the past, these two families coming together have not been known to be quiet! 😂

Now we have baby (and aren't sleeping well at all atm!) I'm quite surprised that this hasn't been taken into consideration. I appreciate my parents want us to be there and also have a good time but we now have a 4 month old to look after and so our priorities have changed and we won't be downing drinks or compromising on her routine - especially since she's not sleeping well atm. I'd be so angry if she was woken by noise - because any parent will know how long it can take to put a baby down in the first place!! We also probably will want to go to bed when baby does / or just after to maximise sleep.

I'm now thinking we should look at staying elsewhere and booking an airbnb or something so they can have their fun and we can slip off around 6:30pm to put baby to bed etc. I didn't realise initially this was the plan otherwise we would've booked somewhere separate already.

Am I being too rigid in my approach as a mum or is this totally valid? I don't really know how to approach it with my parents - because I know realistically on the night it's not really going to be possible for everyone to keep noise down after 7pm considering she'll be sleeping in the room directly above - and it also won't be as fun for them having to be conscious of this either.

Help and advice warmly welcomed! TIA!

The thing is when your parents had you they wouldn't have turfed anyone out. It was normal for young children to be made a bed up on a sofa or in an upstairs bedroom with cushions around them so they didn't fall out of bed. Or at a wedding or a function to stick a couple of dining chairs together so they can nap.

7pm bedtime and strict routines are very much a Gona Ford thing and baby's and children were expected to fit into family activities in the past.

Wow people have been very harsh! No you’re not being ridiculous to want to put your baby’s needs first. Baby sleep is tough!
But in order to put your baby (and your) needs first you should probably get your own place and let others do what they want to do. It just sounds like the easiest option all round!

I actually think that babies have to get used to having noise around them. I've known parents do this whole creeping around thing and then find that even a small noise like flushing the loo wakes them up. I honestly didn't do that, the adults carried on as normal and the babies were put to bed when tired.
I think too much fussing is bad for them.
I know you are knackered, but it really is 1 night isn't it?

They are sleep deprived with a 4 month old who is a bad sleeper. Of course they want to get to bed early. Can you not remember what it was like. God all I wanted was an early night b

How rude you are. The OP has literally come on saying she isn't sure if she is over worrying, that she is thinking of getting accommodation elsewhere so the others won't be compromised and that she is sleep deprived and you think the appropriate response is to be insulting. Says nothing good about you

This is very funny.

Wow. Your thought process op is so utterly absurd and entitled, it's just awful. Awful. Ten people should curtail having fun for your baby?!? You've actually just written that as if it's sane. Of course if it doesn't suit you, you pay for accommodation elsewhere and aplolgise profusely to your parents detailing your preciousness.

And your vitriol to the OP for asking a question.... awful, just AWFUL!

The world doesn’t revolve around your baby and if you want specifics, you need to be the one to sort them, like staying in accommodation just for yourself.

you’re meant to be on a holiday, try and relax and enjoy yourself and realise that not sticking to a rigid routine is ok.

"I asked whether everyone plans to leave around 6:30/7pm when baby goes down for bed" - did you honestly think that was at all likely? Serious question, you know the people involved. It sounds to me like the question of a new parent, sleep deprived and revolving around the baby's needs. 4 months is a tough stage, and I personally was very sleep deprived at that point.

I'd have a conversation with your parents about the planned trip. As you're already thinking, "staying elsewhere and booking an airbnb or something so they can have their fun and we can slip off around 6:30pm" sounds like an excellent idea. Sugar the pill by stressing the sleep deprivation, that you'll be no fun anyway any later than 7pm, yadda yadda yadda. Hold firm if your mother pushes back - don't slip into the mother-daughter dynamic where she takes the final say. Hold to the adult-to-adult dynamic, where your wishes are of equal status to hers. Other than that, have a lovely break!

we won't be downing drinks or compromising on her routine

Not downing drinks, of course.

Not willing to 'compromise her routine' - lol. If so, a family holiday isn't the place for you.

With 3 of mine when they were a few months old we use to go to a holiday park with evening entertainment they just fell asleep when tired the music didn't even disturb them or any of the other kids there.

You’re being a bit precious tbh. I have a 9 month old and as long as she has her own room to retreat to for sleep then that’s fine. You can’t expect people to leave at 6:30/7.

The OP isn't the one being rude here. You are being quite outrageous. Do you regularly attack people who are asking if they should accommodate themselves elsewhere so others don't have to be compromised?

Jeez everyone! Be kind!

@caif90 I remember those days.. the obsession with sleep/routines. The anxiety around it.

I think you have to work out what you can control. And that is not the noise past 7pm in the cottage. It is how you react to the noise.
So you either have a plan to remove yourself (alternative accommodation...as PP said maybe swap with your brother?)
Or...see how it goes? What is the worst thing that could happen if you were in the cottage and there was noise? The baby may well sleep through it. But if not, it is a bad night's sleep for you all. But (meant kindly) this is not a dreadful,dreadful thing. It is just a bad night's sleep. It will pass.

But I hear you. "Routine" was an obsession of mine in those days (mine are now late teens).

I wish I could have chilled a bit more tbh but I did end up with post-natal anxiety...so maybe worth working out where you are.

And ignore the unwarranted kickings.

An unmumsnetty hug.🤗

Pretty entitled. Why don't you stay in a hotel If you're so rigid?

She has literally said in her OP that she was thinking of staying elsewhere so as not to compromise the others. His is this entitled.

I agree, she is simply asking the question, I can't see where she is acting entitled.

I think everyone here posting is being a bit harsh, especially as you are first time parents. Of course you'll naturally want to be mindful of baby's sleep. And the first few months with baby are horrendous. You have my sympathies.

In my experience it's not a bad thing to get baby used to a bit of noise. It'll say a lot of stress later down the line because there will always be noises around. You can try dampen the noise with a white noise machine. Or you can swap with your brother for the night if you feel that'll make it more comfortable for you.

You are being a bit ridiculous in my opinion to expect everyone to be quiet when your dc go to bed! Babies don't need silence to sleep.

I would have felt exactly the same as you OP with my first baby and would have probably been quite upset over the whole thing. But hindsight is a wonderful thing and with baby number 2 I wouldn't have cared at all I would have just let them sleep (or not) during the party and just gone with it - sometimes it's more refreshing to enjoy a night with friends and family than it is to rock a baby to sleep for 2 hours just for them to wake up 45minutes later

I had a strict bed time routine with my kids but it didn't interfere with the rest of the household (my teen stepson lived with us). The kids were pretty bomb proof as I made no concessions about noise when they napped or slept overnight. By four months they were easy to put down, wake up for sleepy feed about 11pm then they woke up (or didn't) around 2-3am then up for the day about 6-7am. In fact I wonder if I'd dropped the 11pm feed by 4 months.
I assume baby will be in a room on another floor? They should be fine then. If you need to sleep early just do so, but I'd be joining in the fun!

I think the thread title comes across as very entitled. Grandparents not being considerate of baby.... give over. They are considering the 9 or 10 other guests attending the holiday!

You should swap accom and let the noisy people stay in the cottage and you take their air bnb

I agree and disagree with many of the posts
.
Don’t care for those who think you’re being rigid or uptight re baby sleep. Losing a couple of hours sleep a night or being a bit tired is no more comparable to the torture and insanity of severe sleep deprivation than morning sickness is to hyperemisis. if you’re severely or moderately sleep deprived and unable to function then you’re absolutely right to prioritise yourself and what works for you. I am a very much go with the flow type of person but was extremely rigid in first year parenthood because I couldn’t survive or look after baby or work otherwise.If others didn’t understand that, then tough.

I agree with other posters though that you can’t expect everyone else to work around you. Therefore if it was me I’d stay elsewhere or not go. Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.