Gparents not considerate of baby?!

[caif90]

Hiya,

Would love some thoughts on this as we're going away for the first time with baby and my parents. We're staying at a cottage they own in the UK while another family and my brother & his gf are staying in accommodation nearby. We do an annual get together with both our families which is usually quite raucous by the end after everyone's had a drink!

This year we obviously have baby and my mum had just mentioned she's invited everyone (10 people total) to the cottage after a lunch out for drinks and games. I asked whether everyone plans to leave around 6:30/7pm when baby goes down for bed - to which she said they probably won't leave at 7pm. The cottage is small and in the past, these two families coming together have not been known to be quiet! 😂

Now we have baby (and aren't sleeping well at all atm!) I'm quite surprised that this hasn't been taken into consideration. I appreciate my parents want us to be there and also have a good time but we now have a 4 month old to look after and so our priorities have changed and we won't be downing drinks or compromising on her routine - especially since she's not sleeping well atm. I'd be so angry if she was woken by noise - because any parent will know how long it can take to put a baby down in the first place!! We also probably will want to go to bed when baby does / or just after to maximise sleep.

I'm now thinking we should look at staying elsewhere and booking an airbnb or something so they can have their fun and we can slip off around 6:30pm to put baby to bed etc. I didn't realise initially this was the plan otherwise we would've booked somewhere separate already.

Am I being too rigid in my approach as a mum or is this totally valid? I don't really know how to approach it with my parents - because I know realistically on the night it's not really going to be possible for everyone to keep noise down after 7pm considering she'll be sleeping in the room directly above - and it also won't be as fun for them having to be conscious of this either.

Help and advice warmly welcomed! TIA!

I understand your feelings as everyone goes a little bit bonkers and obsessive when they have a small baby. It's kind of what's needed in evolutionary terms so that baby gets the thought and attention it needs!

But - yes you are being rigid and I reasonable to expect that the world shifts on its axis to fit around your baby's needs and everyone is packed off home at 7pm 🤣

In a decade you'll look back at this post and cringe - sorry but you did ask.

We've all been there though so. Don't beat yourself ip about it.

Yes, you're being ridiculous. I have a 20 month old who sleeps 7-7 but I've always been flexible with family gatherings and weekends. Either put the baby down upstairs with white noise or allow it to be passed around a bit.

You will look back on this in a few years and realise how rigid you are being and wishing that you had relaxed a bit. I would just go with the flow, surely you won’t be sticking to a strict routine away from home anyway? So it’s likely that baby might sleep differently to normal especially at that age where they are starting to notice more of what is going on around them.
Are you and your partner really going ti bed at 7pm each night? I don’t know anyone who did that!

You’re being ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. I have a 6month old and this wouldn’t even cross my mind.

Sorry but you are being a bit bonkers. Get a white noise machine.

But good idea to book your own place. I'd prefer this with a four month old.

This gathering sounds brilliant, you get to hang out with your family, baby is in bed in another room. Try some white noise to get baby to sleep

If it was my first baby I would have gone but booked somewhere else nearby and left at 7pm. Second baby I would have gone and joined in. First baby at 4 months is in the absolute trenches, I bet you're exhausted.

why do adults expect babies to sleep through anything and everything in terms of noise and light? Older children, teenagers and adults can’t. Yes there are different levels of sensitivity to this but it’s well known that once they’re past the newborn stage babies like optimal sleeping conditions too.

yes my children have been exposed to normal amounts of background noise and I don’t tiptoe around them. But I also don’t expect them to be able to sleep through anything I can’t.

When did you ever consider someone else's baby, @caif90 ?

You clearly need to juggle round the who-sleeps-where plans so that you and the baby are not staying at the property where the social evening shindigs gather. Then you can bow out and leave at baby's bed time. You're very unreasonable to expect the entire extended family to go to bed early just because you want baby's routine to stay unchanged.

Best thing probably is to swap with your brother and his gf.

Life does not revolve around you and your child.

You either need to stay elsewhere or decide to be chilled out about routines for a day (it won’t matter in the long run! Promise, I’ve got two kids now and I used to think it mattered!!)

Can you swap with your brother and you guys stay in the separate accommodation? That way you can slope off without inconveniencing anyone.
Personally, I'd just go with the flow! Your baby might be absolutely fine!

YABU

4 months is still young enough that people in the house shouldn't matter to much, and means you get a chance to socialise, which you wouldn't get if you were staying elsewhere.

I get it, sleep deprivation is tough, I spent over a year (6-18m) with a baby waking hourly, and still consider it a good night if both sleep though and they are school age 😳

Getting an early night is great but seeing friends and family sometimes is more important, so going to bed at 7 every night when you're baby does is nuts IMO.

Once they become older and more aware it becomes harder for them to sleep through noise etc, more resistant to changes in routine. This is a great time to have a family get together. Make the most of it.

Relax your baby will sleep when she is ready, noise or not. Either get your own cottage that you can go back to when you want or just go with the flow.

This basically!

Your priorities have changed, but other peoples haven’t. Perhaps you should stay somewhere else and then you can go there at baby’s bedtime.

YABU to expect everyone else to change their plans/stop their party because you’ve now got a baby.

Just let the baby sleep in a sling for the evening and put her down after everyone else has gone (doing this for a few nights on holiday actually fixed my 4 month old's bad sleeping, not sure how...)

Neither of you are wrong. I still remember the baby stage and how sleep became an obsession! Some loud white noise in the room will prob be enough to drown out most noise so the baby won't be disturbed.

Blimey OP, do you really go to bed at 7pm? Don't tip toe around the baby and don't be a slave to routine. You certainly can't expect other people to shut up at 7pm, that's absurd. Put the baby down and have some fun with your family for heaven's sake. I used to take my babe in arms son to parties all the time. This isn't the 1950's.

Oh dear, you sound terribly precious and self absorbed. Baby will be fine and you need to get used to being able to adapt rather than stick to a rigid routine. Alternatively, stay elsewhere and go early. The world does bot revolve around you and your child.

Oh wow. You need to get a very large grip.

I would book to stay somewhere else.
I totally understand where you are coming from, dd did not sleep through the night and it was torture.
She absolutely needed routine.
As an adult she has been diagnosed with ADHD and it all makes sense to me now.
It’s all very well others telling you your baby will sleep through all the noise but not every baby will.
Book somewhere else op and enjoy yourselves.

Is this your first baby by any chance…