I can't handle it when dh is away

[Hayls]

My dh is on a work thing in America and wil be there until the 16th. This sounds really silly but he's only been gone for 1 day so far and I'm missing him so much already. I hate it when he's away even for one night so this is awful. I think the main problem is that I know that if I neded him in an emergency he couldn't be here, which he normally could do.
Any tips for helping me to cope with this? I'm starting back at work next week after a year's mat leave and dd is starting nuursery, which is also making me so stressed. I keep finding myself on the verge of crying and to top it all off I think I'm coming down with the cold.

Sorry to moan but I feel like I@m about to explode. He hasn't managed to phone yet and I keep imagining horrible things have or will happen to him. We've got no family anywhere near us and altough I've got quite a lot of 'baby' friends we're not that close. I am going to try and arrange as many activities as possible but I just know I'll end up even more lonelier than now

Let us know how you are in the morning Hayls. I also always go to bed early when dh is away. It is not a bad way to spend the time IMO - at least you get a bit more sleep which can only help with your well-being.

Hayls - we wrote emails as well - I'd update him on my day and he'd respond when he picked them up and when he came 'online' we could carry on from there.

With the time difference there's only a limited period when it's good for you both to talk, especially if he has full days of work to attend, so the texting and emailing will make a huge difference.

I know it's not much fun without them, but you do sound very stressed to me - understandably - first baby, starting work and all. Please try not to worry too much about the small stuff like the dummy and the shortbread.

went to put ds3 to bed and have to eat humble pie!
wa s thinking as i cuddled hinm when I was pg wiht him - at 8 months , dh went to S.a and it was the time of the airport security risk and although I m perfectly capable of funcioning as a nindividual ( and indeed did so dor 28 years before I married!) I did get obsessed he wwoudl be blown up, even woke in the nihgt to check the arrivals on ceefax.
so there you are!

Still haven't heard from him but fingers crossed for tpday. I had a pretty bad night, dd woke up every couple of hours and even though I didn't have to go to her she still cried for a few mins each time and it took meages to get back to sleep. \when she woke up we were having a cuddle in bed and I thought it would be a nice surprise for when he gets back if she could say Daddy so I kept saying Daddy to her and she was looking around trying to finnd him and looking really confused when he wasn't there. Really brought a tear to my eye!

Cod, no need to eat humble pie, I know I was overreacting!

Oh and no reply to my text, I don't know if it would h ave got through. We're both on Tmobile, anybody know?

Are you sure he has the facility (sorry-not a techie) to pick up texts from the US?

If I were you (and i've had a lot of experience of this...) I'd keep the phone line free at roughly the same time today as you think he phoned yesterday, and hopefully he'll call again.

Failing that, do you know where he's staying - could you call the hotel/whatever and leave a message for him to call you? If you do, emphasise that it's not urgent (previous experience again!!).

Fingers crossed for you, and I hope you hear from him today. I know how unsettling it is, as i said I've been through it hundreds of times before. You will feel much better once you've spoken to him.

((((Hugs))))

Hayls - you dh will only get text messages abroad if his mobile phone is enabled for use in other countries - my dh travels abroad a lot on business, so his phone (paid for by his company)is set up to work abroad.

ahhhh, the Cod does have a heart after all

hmm.......... only on thursadys

does he have a tri-band phone? If not its unlikely to work in the US.

Yay he just phoned! It was 7.30 and he'd just woken up and I was soo pleased to hear from him. He's a bit jetlagged but quite happy, if a bit cold (it's -20 apparently) IT was lovely talking to him even if dd was asleep and couldn't talk- sh is only 11 months though so don't suppose he would have got much sense out of her.
He's going tophone again on Saturday so the countdown begins...

Glad to hear he made contact at last. Keep up your spirits and he will soon be home.

Hi Hayls,
Really glad you've heard from him. I've been lurking with intent to post all day but have only just found a mo. I understand how difficult it is to have your other half away. My dh is often away for the odd few days but has done 2 big trips abroad for 2-3 weeks at a time in the last year. I didn't mind so much before the kids came along but I get really privately cross about him going now. You do feel like all the weight of responsibility is on your shoulders. However, I try (at some mumsnetters suggestions) to find special little things as a reward to myself for coping without him. I now relish the chance to have the tv shedule all to myself. I can go to sleep with a light on in the hall without complaint. I can try out all the new desserts in the freezer section at the supermarket. I allow myself a glass or 2 of something nice before bed. Last time he was away, it was my birthday so I made the most of it by inviting all my best girlfriends over and throwing a dinner party (something I love doing) and making it a celebration of girlieness.

I know that doing these things don't stop you missing him and I know these few weeks are likely to be stressful with going back to work but I'm fairly sure that when he gets back, (after the homecoming celebrations ) you might even feel bristly about him invading your world after you did so well without him.

That probaby didn't come across at all how it felt in my head, but I hope you get my meaning. Mumsnetters are always around for a chat if you need some (semi) adult conversation and no matter what esle is going on in the world, you are entitled to feel low cos he's not around and you are entitled to ask for support and the chance to have a moan.

Hang in there. (I've probably bored you to sleep with my long post now!)
Love Cadders

my dh is away alot in US & elsewhere. We send text messages alot which avoids time diff probs

sorry - last post interupted.

I always get time diffs wrong so I send a text when i think about something & get them back when dh is awake/not in a meeting.

I find you get used to it.

Also plan to do tasks you want to get done without interuption (sorting my clothes! & getting rid of those I don't like/don't fit) etc to give you something to do & enjoy being on your own.

Good luck!

Have been reading this today and lurking, I also have a dh who goes away for 2 weeks stretches every few months its seems!! Every time he goes he says he doesnt like it , but still seems to talk about the next trip often enuff !!! Glad he called, cadder's idea is good about treating your self to some nice food and drink for each evening. Its funny you sort of do and dont look forward to it.

Hello Melsy!

Love this advice! I have to admit that chocolate is easing hte pain slightly. On seeing the amount of chocolate and cookies we were given for Christmas dh said he was going to take them into work because 'we'd never eat all that'- I totally bit his head off in indignation. So glad he didn't now!

My DH is away as well at the mo, i've found with work (9-5) and then painting the house etc.. whils thavin ppl over to visit (we live a long way from our families) and of course lots of girlie nights both in and out the time has really flown past, the first month was the hardest, well weeks 3-4, but now everything is ok. One of my friends used to dress a pillow in her dh's clothes when she went asleep. lots of choc and cheap wine is very good as well! lol. ooh and also MN has been a god send for me.

here here munzieb!

cadders - most def, I'm gonna be kicking DH back out away somewhere within a few months I can see it now! lol, he's not even home yet and all ready i'm stressed out and uptight about it all! lol (after all I won't be able to have as much girlie time, and do the DIY on my own etc..) ooh and I do like to have a nice rump steak when he's away (at least once) cos when he's home normally it's the quick fry stuff if we're lucky! lol.

munzieb
Finally starting to feel a bit more normal. Being at work yesterday certainly took my mind off it!
I've been going to bed ridiculously early every night and sleeping diagonally across the mattress so I think it'll be a bit of a shock when he does get home! He's been phoning every day for the past few days and it's been brilliant. Best of all there's a chance that his course will finish a couple of day early so he might be home earlier than expected. Yippee

ON the down side though, dd took her first steps at the weekend and he missed it. It was only two before she fell in my arms and she hasn't done it since but he was gutted to have missed it I'm begining to think I shouldn't have told him actually...
Thanks again for your advice and keeping my flagging spirits up

the important thing hon, is three things

1. mumsnet!
2. loads a choc
3. a nice long bath
4. keeping yourself sooo busy you can't think of anything else! lol.

My DH came home on friday ! yay after 3 months away and he's a lot more attentive, and appriciates me a lot more, which is good! main thing thou I kept so busy whilst he was gone, now i'm finding it strange to stop doing everything for a few weeks whilst he's home! lol