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Original poster

My friend has just ( temporarily) lost custody of her dc..

140 replies

Ginisnnice · 14/06/2022 20:23

As above. They were taken from the home on an order from the family court and placed with the father without warning.

She is only allowed to see them once a week, the grandparents not at all.

She says that the father has managed this as he has accussed her of " badmouthing" him to the kids and as this is seen to be harmful to the dc, in setting one parent against another, he now has custody whilst the court process reaches any further challenge.
My friend says this is unfair and the result of a mysoginistic judge.
And that her husband has used this accusation against her and is untrue.

My understanding is that there should be an independant professional to hear the dc s wishes? My friend says the dc did see someon e " but they were rubbish"..does anyone know if dc would have their wishes taken into account. ? On what basis could this even happen?

Y.

.

OP posts:
SmartCar · 14/06/2022 20:27

How old are the kids?

Notodaynotever · 14/06/2022 20:27

There was an article in the Guardian about this issue this week. It is a huge problem.

Gingerkittykat · 14/06/2022 20:27

Children are not urgently taken from their mother for badmouthing their ex.

How were things with the ex before this? Did he ever see his children? How old are the DC?

It sounds like there might be a lot more going on behind the scenes than your friend is telling you.

RunningFromInsanity · 14/06/2022 20:28

The courts take parental alienation seriously, as they should.

She needs proper legal advice.

If the children are old enough they may be asked their opinion.

Justkeeppedaling · 14/06/2022 20:29

The kids wouldn't be taken away from you just for bad mouthing their father. There must be more to it.

Justkeeppedaling · 14/06/2022 20:29

Sorry - your friend.

MichelleScarn · 14/06/2022 20:31

Children are not removed due to an allegation of 'bad mouthing' have you never seen how hard it is for Children to be removed when when there's significant concerns?
Also does she think the child advocate is 'rubbish' as they didn't say what she wanted them to?

Original poster
Ginisnnice · 14/06/2022 20:33

Notodaynotever what did it say .. will try find it . Thanks .

OP posts:
RedPlumbob · 14/06/2022 20:34

It could be due to total non compliance with an existing court order, and she will have had multiple warnings about residency being taken from her and given to their father. This falls under as Parental Alienation - simply bad mouthing him, however, would not.

The fact it’s been done ex-parte is a huge red flag; this is almost never done.

However there are major issues with children being forced by courts to see abusive fathers with no supervision, being abused by them there, and so the mother withholds contact and then the above happens.

It could be either. It could be something else - and the something else would be very serious for it to be ex-parte.

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 14/06/2022 20:35

There is more to it than your friend is letting on.

LIZS · 14/06/2022 20:35

Suspect friend is not being entirely honest with you or even herself perhaps.

katieak · 14/06/2022 20:36

There is so much more to this than your post would suggest. That could well be because that is all your friend has shared with you so not necessarily an accusation of your honesty.

Courts do not remove children from their usual carer because of a few incidents of badmouthing. Either this is some serious parental alienation, which is a pretty appalling thing to do, or there's another story here.

Wishes and feelings of children are less relevant when alienation is involved because those feelings have been influenced by someone with an agenda.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 14/06/2022 20:36

Yeah this wouldn't happen, there's more to it

DenholmElliot1 · 14/06/2022 20:38

Why aren't the grandparents allowed to see them?

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 14/06/2022 20:39

For it to be ex parte as pp has said it has to be very serious. It isn't done lightly.

SD1978 · 14/06/2022 20:39

There will have been warning, and obviously a lengthy so far court case regarding custody of the children. They can have a court appointed lawyer, and depending on the age they can have a say, but if there is perceived parental alienation and it's seen that mum has tried to turn them against dad, that will also be taken into account. I do with her well, it would be hard to suddenly not see your kids, how,often had they been seeing their dad before this?

ChuckBerrysBoots · 14/06/2022 20:43

If it’s been in court then the children are likely to have guardians who represent their interest in proceedings.

purplecorkheart · 14/06/2022 20:43

I think you have only heard part of a story (if that). You can support your friend but just bear in mind you have no idea of the full story.

RedPlumbob · 14/06/2022 20:47

A family member of mine had at least 7 wrist slaps/warnings before they finally removed DC from her.

By this point, she had been non compliant with the order for almost a year - her ex had been granted EOW, half the school holidays, but she just couldn’t bare to be away from her emotional crutch DC and throughly enjoyed wasting her ex’s time, money and causing him distress.

I think he saw DC around 6 times that year, never for the ordered amount of time, and would be subjected to a barrage of verbal abuse at pick up/drop off, during contact and in between.

Never mind the fact that her DC was also distressed, and wanted to see their Dad, and was told that he “hasn’t turned up because he doesn’t love you”, every single time.

Mind, her mother had done the same when her father fucked off, so she didn’t know any better. Only, her ex didn’t disappear into oblivion after 2 years of this shit, he carried on going back to court.

Sad.

3luckystars · 14/06/2022 20:49

That sounds like only one side of the story.

Original poster
Ginisnnice · 14/06/2022 20:49

They are in the family court. Yes she has been accused of alienation . She says he was abusive and this is a power thing. What is ex parte..? She says the case has been in the family court for over a year. The dc lived with her and suddenly removed. She is going backnto court. She questions the experts and says that this is revenge of a man who has a better barrister than her. I am concerned about the dc .. would they have had a voice?
Guardian article indictes that some women accused of parental alienation have had similar situations. Surley the dc are heard ? They are 6 and 8.

OP posts:
Cheerybigbottom · 14/06/2022 20:49

I think you're describing the childrens guardian when you say the children saw someone independent to make safe their wishes.

Your friend has not told you the whole story , children are not removed from a parents care because they badmouth the other parent.

Your friend will likely not tell you the details if she is lying to herself and others about her part in the process.

DenholmElliot1 · 14/06/2022 20:51

Why aren't the grandparents allowed to see the children?

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