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Original poster

Why do people imply childbirth isn't dangerous?

100 replies

SpeccieSeccie · 12/01/2008 19:26

OK, I know that this sounds antagonistic but please bear with me.

Last night my friends' baby died as it was being born. I am heartbroken for her. She is a super-fit mid-twenties first pregnancy dream ticket. She did NCT, read up about stuff, took care of herself and the baby and as it was all text book she decided to have a home water birth. She was actively supported in this by all professionals. Trouble is there were complications and they couldn't get to hospital in time (nearest maternity hospital is 45 mins away). The baby died during a too late c-section.

I'm raging. Why didn't someone just tell her that childbirth isn't safe and encourage her to plan a hospital birth? She could have gone straight there instead of labouring at home. Then she'd have her baby now!! Instead she is grieving! Why do people persist in the idea that a couple of aromatherapy candles and some positive pushing is all you need for childbirth?

I know several women who either nearly died themselves or whose baby almost didn't make it. Now I know one that actually didn't make it.

I'm so angry. And so, so can't-put-into-words miserable for my friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpeccieSeccie · 12/01/2008 19:26

Oh and I don't know whether a boy or a girl. I didn't have the heart to ask in my text back.

OP posts:
pyjamagirl · 12/01/2008 19:29

I'm sorry that this has happened to your friend and I can understand why you are so angry

pinkspottywellies · 12/01/2008 19:29

Speccie I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. It's heartbreaking especially to think that things could have been different if she had been in hospital. I hope you can help your friend through this awful time.

hatrick · 12/01/2008 19:32

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Original poster
SpeccieSeccie · 12/01/2008 19:32

Thanks. I do know that anger isn't helpful. I'm just so sad for her. She was two weeks overdue and so looking forward to it.

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sherby · 12/01/2008 19:33

Speccie, I am so sorry for your friend, what a heartbreaking thing to happen and I can see why you would be so very angry.

I have to say that I did have a homebirth and it did all go as planned thankfully. I know it sounds really cliched but things go wrong at home and in the hospital, perhaps things would've been different if she was in the hospital, but I feel that it is a weighing up of risks and sometimes you get it wrong and it ends in tragedy as is the case here.

I truly am sorry for your friend.

hatrick · 12/01/2008 19:34

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kittywise · 12/01/2008 19:35

Speccie, your poor friend , how awful for her

I know you are upset and angry, but there are many things in life that we can forsee, can't plan for.

Most births happen without any complications or need for emergency help. Most home births are 'normal'.

In life we all make risk assessment everyday, weigh up the liklihood of things happening, gong wrong, being ok, but there is always a chance things won't be ok.

There is always a chance that you will get run over crossing the road, but we know that the chances are it will be fine.

I hope your poor friend get all the support she needs.

LIZS · 12/01/2008 19:37

That's very sad for your friend and can appreciate your frustration on her behalf. However you can't possibly know the nature of the complications and whether any delay in diagnosis, getting to hospital or not beign in hospital could have contributed to the sad outcome. It is very unlikely anyone would have deliberately misled her in making the decision for a home birth or mismanaged her care during labour, although not impossible.

Fortunately for most of us such cases are relatively rare but when I had ds another lady came in for a planned c-section and yet her baby died.

I think you shodul ask about your fiend and her baby. She may well want people to acknowledge his/her arrival, although many will shy away, and need support.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 12/01/2008 19:37

Awful news.

Original poster
SpeccieSeccie · 12/01/2008 19:39

I think she must have been aware of the risks so I know I probably sound like I'm ignoring the fact that it was her decision. It's just that I wasn't really aware of how scary birth situations can sometimes be until after I'd had DS and all the new mothers were swapping stories. I think a first pregnancy is such a special time but people can keep dangers from you so you don't get scared.

Hatrick - no, not sure exactly what happened except the c-section was too late when finally got to hospital.

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bookwormmum · 12/01/2008 19:40

The baby might equally have died in hospital though. The hardest thing apart from the loss of her baby is that she'll never know one way or the other .

I was told if I exceeded my EDD by a week I would be 'offered' a hospital induction at either 41 or 42 weeks since the main hazard to a a later delivery is the skullbones of the baby start hardening pre-birth thus making it harder to delivery vaginally.

Original poster
SpeccieSeccie · 12/01/2008 19:40

LIZS - I'll definitely ask about the baby. I probably won't call for a bit (she has good, supportive family to rely on) but I've posted a card. Is this right?

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sweetkitty · 12/01/2008 19:49

Your poor friend how tragic, I have a friend who lost her baby a few days after birth and she is still devastated

She was having weekly scans and not one sonographer picked up a placenta previa, her elective csection was botched, surgeon cut through the placenta then failed to tell NICU that the baby had lost 70% of her blood volume, baby died from major organ failure 3 days later.

Whilst I agree childbirth is potentially dangerous, even a routine op in hospital can result in a baby dying, sad but true.

Original poster
SpeccieSeccie · 12/01/2008 19:53

Oh Sweetkitty that's really so sad for your friend. And she must still be raging mad at that surgeon. How on earth does anyone work through the anger?!

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AnneMayesR · 12/01/2008 20:17

I am so sorry for your friends loss. I can't imagine.

If a baby gets cut off from o2 and deteriorates in the womb during a delivery you're only hope in the world is to be 30 seconds from an operating theatre.

True that they botch things in hospital but this situation in a hospital would have had a chance. No chance in a home birth.

True I don't know what her particular situation was.

I was all for homebirths. I ended up getting talked out of it and having baby number 3 in hospital.

My labour went wonderfully all the way through. Then towards they end my baby's heart beat was dropping and he wasn't getting o2. This happened without warning and suddenly. There is often no way to predict or prevent this. 30 seconds later I was in theatre. They took him out and resusced him right there and he is a gorgeous two year old.

Had I delivered home, Like I was determined to do, my baby would have been without o2 the whole 20 minute drive to the hospital. after 10 minutes without oxygen baby is gone. After 3 minutes without 02 you are looking at brain damage.

Midwives and doctors try to tell women all the time about the dangers of home birth. They get told to bugger off and "I don't like hospitals I'll do what I want" and "hospitals are dangerous too" by their patients. They have to tell people about the risks however small.

Some seem to think that if a baby suddenly and without warning becomes distressed and is cut off from his oxygen supply that the midwives attending the homebirth can do something about it and/or it is possible to survive the journey to the hospital. Neither is realistic or possible.

Hospitals suck but that is the only place you have a safe chance of an unforeseen problem being dealt with safely. They may not always deal with it wellbut most of the time they will and you have a better chance there than at home.

Just my humble opinion.

AnneMayesR · 12/01/2008 20:21

My babies head compressed his umbilical cord and he was cut off from 02 and went into sudden shock.

I feel so bad for your friend. I can't imagine having an outcome like she had.

WideWebWitch · 12/01/2008 20:22

I'm sorry about your friend.

I agree with LIZS though, you can't possibly know all the details and you can't possibly know whether the outcome would have been different had she been in hospital.

Planned home births are statistically as safe as hospital births.

I know you want to blame something but I do think you should be careful about throwing around accusations about safety.

And on the whole although childbirth can be dangerous, in the developed world it isn't on the whole, that dangerous. Infant and maternal mortality is low here. I think it worth posting that especially for any first time pregnant women reading this.

WideWebWitch · 12/01/2008 20:24

I know this isn't scientific, just a blog but here you go, 10 things more dangerous than childbirth

Original poster
SpeccieSeccie · 12/01/2008 20:28

Www- you are right, I am looking for something to blame and I'm completely in shock over this.

The thing is, what I know is that they got to hospital too late, which means that maybe in this case if they'd been there all along the baby would be alive and my friend's whole world might not have been utterly shredded.

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expatinscotland · 12/01/2008 20:28

i'm sorry to hear about your friend's loss.

that's awful .

when i was pregnant with dc3, i was told homebirth is discouraged because the nearest consultant led care is over 30 minutes away.

don't know if it varies by area, but this district seemed to keep distance in mind when advising pregnant women about birth options.

muppetgirl · 12/01/2008 20:30

I am so sorry for your friend...

I understand your anger and are very glad I had both my babies in hosptal. The first was a 27 hr labour with my ds 1 getting distressed and finally delivered by ventouse. My ds 2's shoulders got stuck and he was to be delivered by forceps. Either procedure would not have been possible at home meaning instant transfer to hospital. Plus the associated damage -3rd degree tear form the forceps, had to be repaired by a consultant -also not available at home. Dh and I were only saying the other day that 100 years ago I would have died twice from childbirth. Sorry, not meaning to frighten anyone at all but this shows it doesn't always go according to plan.

Original poster
SpeccieSeccie · 12/01/2008 20:31

(Hmmm. Not sure about the statistics thing. I've heard of people having near-death experiences with cars but not many are left traumatised by a difficult visit to the toilet!)

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Original poster
SpeccieSeccie · 12/01/2008 20:32

Expat - that what I can't understand, either. She did know that she was further away from the hospital.

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expatinscotland · 12/01/2008 20:33

i also developed complications with my first child during the pushing stage.

she didn't come down and it turns out she was face up with her hand up beside her ear.

i needed forceps delivery. not to mention, it was incredibly painful and i'm glad i was in hospital as had an epidural.