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Original poster

Why do people imply childbirth isn't dangerous?

100 replies

SpeccieSeccie · 12/01/2008 19:26

OK, I know that this sounds antagonistic but please bear with me.

Last night my friends' baby died as it was being born. I am heartbroken for her. She is a super-fit mid-twenties first pregnancy dream ticket. She did NCT, read up about stuff, took care of herself and the baby and as it was all text book she decided to have a home water birth. She was actively supported in this by all professionals. Trouble is there were complications and they couldn't get to hospital in time (nearest maternity hospital is 45 mins away). The baby died during a too late c-section.

I'm raging. Why didn't someone just tell her that childbirth isn't safe and encourage her to plan a hospital birth? She could have gone straight there instead of labouring at home. Then she'd have her baby now!! Instead she is grieving! Why do people persist in the idea that a couple of aromatherapy candles and some positive pushing is all you need for childbirth?

I know several women who either nearly died themselves or whose baby almost didn't make it. Now I know one that actually didn't make it.

I'm so angry. And so, so can't-put-into-words miserable for my friend.

OP posts:
bookwormmum · 12/01/2008 21:53

I don't think headlines about young healthy women dying in hospital births as we've seen the last few days are very reassuring to pg ladies either. I can understand why a lot of women prefer the comfort of their own home but all the risks have to be weighed up.

DaphneHarvey · 12/01/2008 21:54

P.S. Even if I had been 5 mins drive from hospital it would have been too late for my DD.

Hospital resulted in live birth for us. Have no idea re. statitistics, have never researched it. Just feel grateful I didn't have strong desire to birth at home, because me and DD are in among those "one in a million" (or whatever it is) statistics, and am therefore not grieving. But do have friends similar age, similar circs, similar pgs, who had great births at home. The outcome is truly a lottery, tbh.

Bubble99 · 12/01/2008 21:55

Even if a pregnancy has been deemed low risk - I cannot understand why anyone would choose to give birth away from the possible lifeline of rapid sugical intervention.

bookwormmum · 12/01/2008 21:57

I know at least one woman who would probably have died if she'd given birth at home - she haemorraeghed badly (sp) after the delivery and was crashed back into theatre to be sorted out/transfused. She tends to mention this after a few glasses of wine at the Mum's annual Christmas meal .

Good job I've got a reasonably strong stomach.

Easywriter · 12/01/2008 21:59

Muppet - apololgies to SS, I feel like I should take this somewhere else as I don't want to hijack this thread. Apologies again.
Anyway Muppet, to be fair you're right. What would have happened at home is they would do the same procedure but with a large episiotomy and hands instead of forceps. When viewed like that, you'd be a fool to not want the spinal block and (maybe) forceps.

You live and learn eh!

muppetgirl · 12/01/2008 22:05

...and that's why I was glad I gave birth in hospital. (Or rather H was yanked out of me in hospital)

LynetteScavo · 12/01/2008 22:53

Because, Bubble it is possible to have total faith in your own body to working in the way nature inteded.

Bubble99 · 12/01/2008 22:55

But if, despite what nature intends, there is an unforseen and potentially fatal complication - isn't it safer to be near additional help?

DaphneHarvey · 12/01/2008 23:13

at Lynette.

Perhaps "having faith in what nature intends" is what resulted in death of Speccies friend's baby.

My baby survived birth, but at the time nature seemed to have "intended" otherwise.

DD is the most fantastic girl who I love to pieces (7 years old yesterday). Dh and I had our first very detailed conversation about her birth the night before this birthday; we couldn't really bring ourselves to talk about it before now). If nature intended her not to live then nature was very wrong indeed.

LynetteScavo · 12/01/2008 23:28

Daphne, I knew that comment would be taken in the wrong way. I nearly lost DS1 at 23 weekds pg, and and very greatful for the medical intervention that saved us both. I very nearly lost him during his birth, and had I not been in hostpital I would have needed to be transfered. I shall eternally be greatefull for the medical equipmenet, and staff who managed to save his life. I understand about not talking about the birth with your DD. I don't think I could ever tell him the truth.going into hostpital was the right decition for my firts labour. Staying at home was the right decition for my last labour.

I personally wouldn't advise a home birth for a first baby.

Do you really believe every one should always have a hostpital birth?

sweetkitty · 12/01/2008 23:33

Just reading the responses since I posted

speccieseccie - I do not think my friend will ever come to terms with it, it has changed her so much, she has old older DC and I know if it weren't for them she would not be here right now I know that for a fact. Be there for your friend acknowledge she has become a Mum, ask about her baby, she will need a lot of support in the coming week and months.

I chose to have a homebirth with DD2, I wouldn't have had a homebirth with my first baby that's my choice but DD1 was a very fast straight forward labour, hospital 10 minutes away, I had a lovely homebirth with DD2 I suppose I was lucky I certainly feel that way. Surprisingly I am thinking about a homebirth again and whether I want another one with DB3. My concerns are if anything were to happen I would leave my DDs does that make any sense? I don't know myabe I think I have had all my luck with a good birth with DD2 I don't know.

MargoWishesYouAHappyNooNooYear · 12/01/2008 23:35

I'm sorry to hear about your friend Speccie.

I do believe that a lot of women have blinkers on whne they become pg and don't want to know about the risks. My aunts' SIL died of PPH after delivering her stillborn son nearly 3 years ago. It was such a pointless loss and something that has torn their family apart.

DaphneHarvey · 12/01/2008 23:39

Since you asked, Lynette, no. I have seeen plenty of examples in RL (in the case of friends' babies) that home births can be fantastic.

I do truly believe, however, that if your aim is to minimise any risk, then you should be in hospital. But obviously my personal experience has influenced my opinion.

bookwormmum · 12/01/2008 23:49

When my Mum was having her babies, the first was born in hospital and any more had to be home births unless there was a good reason to the contrary (rural Essex healthcare in the 60s). Her third labour (second home birth) wasn't straightforward and it was a tussle to get my sister born. Hence I was born in hospital 3 years later since she couldn't countenance a home birth again (I think she hadn't really anticipated having anymore babies but these things happen). Ironically my birth was probably the easiest but she can still remember how dusty the ward floor was (hospital cleanliness issues is nowt new) .

She admitted when I was talking about my birth plan for my dd that she would prefer me to be in hospital as she had first hand knowledge of being at home in labour and in difficulties although she would support me if I opted to try for a home delivery.

LynetteScavo · 12/01/2008 23:51

I think it can be a case of the pendulum swinging the other way, so to speak, and hostpital births, with their interventions,and loss of privacy for the labouring woman, possibly resuling in a poorer outcome for the baby.

bookwormmum · 12/01/2008 23:54

I do wonder if sometimes there is too much intervention in labour instead of letting nature run it's course with a keen eye being kept on proceedings.

Twinklemegan · 12/01/2008 23:55

I think we all want to believe that we have control over these things in our modern world. The sad thing is that there are many things we still have no control over, and complications in childbirth can sometimes be one of those.

I was very influenced by all the back to basics, natural childbirth kind of literature when I was pregnant. So much so that I nearly opted for a home birth. It was my parents who finally persuaded me away from it.

Now that I know the dreadful reality of childbirth I don't think I'd even be considering a home birth next time - it is just too risky IMHO. And I ended up with a healthy baby boy. I am so so sorry for your poor friend.

LynetteScavo · 12/01/2008 23:56

Absolutely, bookwormmum.

Twinklemegan · 12/01/2008 23:58

Yes Bookwormmum - that is how my hospital labour was handled (I had quite a detailed birth plan which thankfully the MW followed as much as she could). But I tell you, when my LO's heartrate dipped dramatically 3 hours into the pushing stage I was sure glad I was in hospital.

bookwormmum · 13/01/2008 00:03

My birth plan was 'written' by a dr sitting on the bed in the delivery suite . I had no real faith that they'd follow it whatever was written on there. I think I consented to a vit K injection for the baby and drugs to be given to me as I requested them (no epidural).

DaphneHarvey · 13/01/2008 00:14

FWIW I think there is too much intervention in hospital birth, its all too rushed, women could doubltess deliver naturally with proper Mwife support and plenty of time, instead of having to rush because of the pressure of mwife/bed shortage ... and so, in an ideal world, there could be fewer c-sections/forceps/venthouse deliveries ...

Trouble is, when it comes to crisis, if you're at home you are more crucial minutes away from help.

Twinklemegan · 13/01/2008 00:17

I delivered naturally DH because I was given that time. It was still horrible though and I'm really glad I wasn't at home.

expatinscotland · 13/01/2008 00:23

a homebirth out here.

no, it would not be for me. this is a rural place.

but i am terribly sorry for your pal, Speccie .

WideWebWitch · 13/01/2008 10:22

I'm not a statistician but the woman who wrote the book I mentioned earlier is and believed planned (note planned) home birth to be statistically as safe as hospital birth. I won't argue the case for home vs hospital safety statistically as she's already done it.

I do think women need to do what's right for them. In my case that was two planned and straightforward home births. Including (obviously) a first baby. But other people will be happier in hospital and that's fine, I think they should give birth in hospital if that's what they want.

But please don't try to argue home vs hospital on statistics unless you're a statistician. Wooly assertions about "it can't be as safe, surely" (not that anyone said these exact words, I'm generalising) are based on vague feelings, not facts. IMO.

And we cannot know if the outcome would have been different had she been in hospital in this instance, we just don't have all the facts.

Peachy · 13/01/2008 10:28

So sorry for your friend

Ama lso planning a homebirth for ds4- hospital have made me aware of transfer risk, and I don't think I'd have chosen it if I ahdn't been able to do the home-hospital run myself in 10 minutes. Has also been dictated by other factors though (such as childcare for sn kids).

I hope your friend gets the support she needs over the coming onths, poor family