god sometimes I just think my kids are really really thick

[Twiglett]

my 3.5 year old just can't count

she just can't

1,2, pee ummmm pour 8 pie ten

and she wants to do these stupid letts study books because she loves them

but she's driving me mad

how difficult is it

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Im so crap at maths I got scared when DD came back with maths homework in yr 1! Partly because I dont know what "techniques" they use these days, and she gets vey upset when I try to explain something differently to school.

At the end of term she kept insisting that polar bears were hollow.

Checked it out - they had been told that their hairs were hollow. PMSL at bears with nothing inside!

I had such a row with DD1 over her half term homework that DP had to intervene, not before I'd ended up in petulant tears

Proper LOL @ this thread!

This thread is priceless I am saving it to re-read on days when things get too much for me.

Priceless, absolutely priceless. excuse any spelling mistakes I cant see for the tears.

DD (4 and has known colours for two fecking years)"What colour is this Mummy"

Me (attempting to write essay for college) "What colour do you think it is?"

DD "Blue"

Me "Well then...."

Perhaps you should ask the Home Edders, Twig

MN is profoundly depressing, too, because everyone ^else's' child is being feted for doing calculus while one's own is bumbling around being generally childish and infuriating.

And as for making the sodding Christmas cards....

"Just glue a star on the top of each tree... no, the top, one star, on the top, no I don't want you to draw a pony on the top, just ONE STAR...."

Jigsaws always get me roaring too - "Look at the picture. Just look at the picture. Now you tell me if the dog has got shoes on. No? Well why are you putting the shoe piece there?"

i think hire staff for this type of thing

a lovely private tutor can do counting while you recline in another room

ON numerous occassions have my children and me been reduced to tears with learning. DD1 hates doing homework and usually srews it up and throws it around the room (she is now 8) dd2 loves homework, BUT if she get anything less than perfection it all goes tits up too!! The whole YOU HAVE JUST READ THAT WORD 2 lines earlier send shivers down my spine

Oh god, I am so dreading it all happening again.

mi, as a home-edder, I still think it's hilarious.

I remember a thread a while back re Home edding and I explained IMHO SOME Of us are genetically not made to teach our kids anything. And that I would rather boil my head.

In fact yesterday DD1 had a riding lesson - her first ever a pressie fr Xmas. So I tried to explain the concept of your legs gripping the pony and your heels pointing down, what did I get for my troubles.. a screaming sodding tantrum, that child was lucky to be allowed to go!!!

I learned my lesson when trying to teach ever eager dd how to tell the time. I gave up when I realised concerned neighbours may have dialled Child Protection. What a happy summer holiday that was - grrrr!!! I'm getting cross thinking about it At the end of it she said sniffily "well we don't do that at school so I don't need to know". YOU asked ME to teach you you little beep beep beep

Thank god for this thread. Teaching dd to read has reduced me to tears of frustration on more than one occasion. DD: "C....a.....t....erm, Brian?" Me: "AAAAAAARGH!!!"

weeping with laughter here - and with relief that I am not the only one to be rubbish at this particular mothering skill!

I can remember reducing my dad to tears over fractions when I was about 7.
Seems I couldn?t get ¼?s?. insisted they were 4 halves of a whole?

Dad goes and gets an orange and a knife.

Dad ??what?s this??
Me - ?A whole?
Dad ? ?So, if I do this? ?what have we got??
Me ? ?two halves?
Dad - ?Correct, now if I cut them in half again, what have we got??
Me ? ?4 halves?
Dad ? erm, no, not 4 HALVES ? 4 ¼?s.
Me ? but dad, you said cutting a whole into two halves is 2 halves then you cut them in HALF again, so that MUST be 4 halves!!

This went on for about 20 mins before the orange pieces went in the bin and I was sent to my room!!

Don't despair -this all sounds just like what I went through with DD - but she got lots of As & A* at GCSE.

Mind you, at the same time she was acquiring said qualifications, she thought that Gordon Brown was a song by the Stranglers.....

I can remember my dad, who is a bit of a genius at maths, saying to my brother, who isn't "You could stay at University all your life son but you'd still be thick" He's short on words is Dad

Gordon Brown - LOL

For some mad reason this thread has made me quite nostalgic for those long-gone days when I did reading and numbers with mine - when in fact every session would end with tantrums and things being thrown (by me, obv).

Wish I'd had MN to to let off steam on - I am LOLing at these

I'm still LOL at this thread, Kids think I'm mad!!!!!

I have to say I love the learning stage! and I am always the first to suggest play dough (home made of course, because it cleans away so much easier than shop bought)

Mad? yep thats me

Sitting with dd 5 now who is trying to do one of those Tesco craft activities: Pencil Case decoration. We've already had one tantrum over the stickers and now she can't manipulate the paint pens to do perfect shapes. I find it so stressful when a fun/age appropriate activity turns into such a sigh-filled, tantrumy drama...

Put play-doh with small child in an empty bath. Lovely smooth surface for rolling and no bits everywhere. You can then sit on the bog and read Heat magazine.

My 8yo who is supposedly v.bright still counts eighteen, nineteen, twenteen.

am snorting with laughter at this thread. Unfortunate as I'm actually at work

It's the childishness of children which is so profoundly infuriating, I find.