Are taking drugs and being a good parent mutually exclusive then?

[wanderlust]

I don't want to get told off lots or start a fight, its just that I (along with most of my friends - parents or not) will take drugs every now and then, but I am aware that the people I know are not necessarily representative of what's really normal or acceptable - so what does everyone really think?

walrus, you have plastic toys?

Nope, just keep off the nutmeg.

When you are a young single thing, most people do things based on whether they want to or not. To try and experience new things.
Doesn't make all of it right, because I dont think anybody, if they really looked at the whole drugs issue (growing/manufacture and trade included) would really feel OK being a part of it.
But I think once you become a parent you generally look at things on a bigger scale, and that along with all the other reasons to abstain as already mentioned, should be enough incentive to leave it all in your past IMO.

Also, on a purely anecdotal note, of those friends and acquaintences who have children, the ones who continue to take drugs are ALL flaky and a slightly floundering.

No proof of anything I know, but it is certainly enough to reinforce my thoughts on the whole issue.

Yes, and I am proud of my plastic.

I am obv chav scum

I think it's important to fill your tanks as a parent, to do what you love most now and again and to have fun with and without the kids. However you choose to do this as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.

There's a lot to be said for happy, fullfilled, relaxed parents who don't feel resentment and who are able to let go now and again de-stress and fill their tanks as long as they are not addicted and putting their chemical needs before those of their children.

It's really not such a big deal. Honestly.

you should be ashamed of yourself walrus.

But, are you saying that if you couldn't take drugs you'd resent your child?

Oh yes. The family who were habitual cannabis users also lived as strict vegetarians "because we don't want to introduce the steroids and anti-biotics into our bodies that get fed to farm animals. It's healthier for us and the children"

I honestly had that conversation with the wife as she rolled a joint.

I just think that if you haven't really used drugs before it's a bit unfair to make pronouncements about how impaired any given person might be under their influence. My functioning is much more likely to be decimated by tiredness, stress or anxiety than with chemical encouragement.

Actually don't know why I am even entering into this when it has been YEARS since I had any fun in that department. Somewhere between the extremes of drugfree ignorant virtue and the harrowing stories lies the majority of recreational drug use, safe and enjoyable.

But it's ojk, I have kept the plastic ojn a high shelf where the children can't reach it, and I only bring it out when they are asleep

Stripey & Spider Mamas... good posts. I don't think becoming a parent means you have to totally change you whole persona.. and most of us drink, I know I look forward to the first glass of wine as soon as dd has gone to bed.
I have no problem with anyone doing recreational drugs OR drinking - within reason. Too right it's not all Trainspotting... and think how boring parties would be without either! [just keep em out of your handbag (a la Sadie Frost)]

Well, if we are allowed to judge based on the giving of pastry/ meat products (in or out of a buggy) DAMN RIGHT I'm going to judge someone on taking Methadone!

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(It's called Clutching At Straws)

"If I didn't maintain some kind of life of my own, I'd end up resenting her"

But does maintaining a "life of your own" have to include
a) breaking the law
b) using chemicals to mentally disconnect yourself from reality?

Cos if that was the case for me, I think I'd need to look at what my life is about.

I personally group weed and alcohol together, it's something DP and I cannot agree on. IMO, if you treat alcohol or weed properly, i.e. do it moderately, not around children, do not get so wrecked you can't care for any kids that you are responsible for, do it every now and then rather than every night, etc, etc, then there isn't really a problem.

However, cocaine, speed, heroin, ecstasy, shrooms, can kill you with one hit.

I have taken all of the above at some point in my life, before children and have lost a number of friends to heroin, I have watched an exbf be bought back to life after a dodgy pill, that he got from our regular dealer, that our regular dealer got off his regular dealer and so on.

My exp took cocaine 'recreationally' it cost him his partner and children. He had it 'under control' he only took it when he went out, but everytime he went out had to have it, th state of him the next day was terrible, and that goes for drinking too.

If you are going to be looking after your DC's the next morning you shouldn't get completely rat-arsed, nor should you get fucked on drugs. Though drugs are likely to keep you awake to stupid o'clock and alcohol knocks you out, so in theory you have longer to sleep the alcohol off.

Also, as someone said earlier, of course legality is an issue, if you get knicked in possession of a class A drug, you could possibly lose your job, if you have too much on you, it's intent to supply and you're in even bigger trouble.

Hope that little high you get on a night out is really worth your kids seeing the front door kicked in cos the police belive you're a dealer, or growing up without parent becuase one is dead or in prison.

Really responsible.

OK. If we are going to introduce anecdotal evidence clumsymum, can I tell you about the father I knew who once took heroin? When his wife died of leukaemia leaving him with 3 kids from that marriage, 2 from his previous one and one from her previous relationship. And she was the love of his life. He sometimes took heroin because it dulled the pain. 10 yrs down the line he doesn't. He does sometimes take coke and frequently uses weed and often drinks. But he is without a doubt a fantastic father with a huge family of normal kids with a normal array of problems and successes. But what does that prove? Absolutely nothing! Anymore than your epxerience does. Not all drugs lead to addiction, crime and death, nor to bad parenting.

Not exactly, JV.

More that I (pre DD) had a life that I loved (I was a traveller/road protestor/squatter, which did involve drugs) and that I don't see the need to give up everything I enjoy. I struggled with becoming a mother and found it very hard to adjust - I took no drugs when pregnant or while bf. Now that dd is older and spends time with grandparents regularly, I find that, as Spidermama said, letting go every now and then enhances my happiness and makes me feel like me rather than mum.

But it's ok to use drugs, if you feed your children home cooked vegetarian food, and given them wooden toys apparently. It's like it cancels it all out

I wouldn't (rec drugs that is). And I wouldn't like DH to do it if there were a chance he'd be looking after DS. But I have friends who do and who are also fantastic parents, so hard to call.