I'm ashamed that i'm getting the kids gifts from charity shops this christmas

[ShakeysGirl]

But its all i can afford to do. I have £20 per child to spend. I have 2 children and i've decided that for them to get the most out of their money that charity shops are the best option. I feel like such a loser and i'm ashamed of myself. I feel like i am letting them down in some way. I know they are only young (6 & 4) so wont know but i'll know. I feel like i've failed.

i love getting a bargain, and if it gives to charity at the same time everyone's a winner. (have a kitchen set from the NCT sale waiting to go to 'santa' to be wrapped and dd is permanently clothed from there.)
there's too much shite around at christmas, your mum sounds like she had the right idea and as you say it provided you with memories to cherish. can you remember the presents you got? i really can't, it's the closeness i remember.

but we can help with the practicalities, and if you don't really want a stew then i'm sure someone can get you a voucher for somewhere. it's great fun, all this christmassy stuff, isn't it? makes it seem properly like the time for giving. what a nice time you'll have this year compared to last.

(Yes,your mother sounds terrific.)

I'm going to an NCT sale in a couple of weeks - really excited by what I might find

What a lovely Mum. As everyone has said it all already there is not much else I can add.

Are you a member of your local freecycle group www.freecycle.org It's been a life saver for me this year.

Also get yourself on to the forums on www.moneysavingexpert.com Especially the Debtfree Wanabee, Oldstyle and Freebies forums.

Check that you are getting all the bebefits you are entitled to as well on www.entitledto.co.uk

And also stay around here as there is a great bunch of warm hearted folks here.

Oh gosh it was great! I volunteered to help set up (and get first dibs on the loot ) and I kept screeching "oh a barbie camper van!", "oh look at this puzzle book!" and generally getting over excited. I had to remind myself that DD is 5 months and there will be plenty more sales before she is old enough for a barbie camper van! But I did get finger puppets! and a bumbo seat and a travel cot!

aren't they wonderful? i adore the NCT sales. on the other hand i find oxfam terribly expensive round here, they seem to have got their pricing wrong a lot so i can't be arsed with them. if it's second-hand it needs to be way more than half-price imo, and in our local place i've seen wooden toys priced at more than they cost in teh ELC. pain in the arse.

my ds 2's main present is a bike which my lovely friend's child has outgrown. It will cost me nothing. He will love it

SG, Sainsburys are selling all their toys at half price until Wednesday. They had Power Rangers, Doctor Who, Turtles, Lego, Nintendogs and lots more. I got my ds a bucket of Lego for £2.49 and a car for £1.49. Nintendogs were £4.99. You might get a few things there. Freecycle is worth a look too - I'm about to put some things on there, too young fr your dc, but there must be other people doing the same.

This thread has inspired me. we don;t go to town on presents - I know full-well that compared to a lot of people dds' hauls are moderate (bolstered by things like pants and pyjamas that they need anyway!)but - compared to some and compared to what they "need" they do get too much. we certainly, like Blu says, generate a horrible pile of packaging. so this year I'm going to have a look at the charity shops and keep it much more low key.

shakeysgirl - the things they need anyway trick might be something for you - I buy them things like pants and socks and wrap them up as pressies - they still (now 7 and 5) really like that!

Shakey,I don't let people bring cards and presents to my kids' birthdays even as i object ot the mindless accumulation of crap.
Dd was 7 last week.We had 10 kids over,played lots of games, had a good tea and everynoe was happy.

Shakey my favourite thing about Christmas when I was little was that my parents always played board games with us that night. (I have always played them more often with my dc because I realise how much I liked it).
What I am trying to say is that the presents are part of Christmas, but if your dc have your time and attention on that day they are a hell of a lot luckier than children in so many homes bursting with expensive presents, where the parents are not bothered spending time with them, and no way should you be in any way ashamed.
Spending a fortune on toys that occupy your dc so that you don't have to is far more shameful.

SO true, potoftea. i clearly remember playing board games on sunday nights (after our weekly bath ) with my folks in our first house, so i couldn't have been more than 7 then.

all of my twos christmas presents have come from nct nearly new sales this year - i got 3 bin bags of stuff (incl some clothes) for £45. i love it, they are in great condition and the kids have so much more stuff than if i'd spent £45 in early learning. please don't feel ashamed loads of people do the same

tbh i think people that do spend loads of money on christmas have kind of missed the point. but then i say that as the (mean) mother of a nearly 2-year-old, so i know that it all might change when she gets to school.

ShakeysGirl - I haven't read all the thread but I would say that what you are doing is very sensible.

Can I just say one thing - my best friend is a single mum and is EXTREMELY skint - that's an understatement. (she has very good reason to be but won't go into her reasons).

Her 3 children are the most pleasant, happy, well behaved kids you could ever have the pleasure to meet, she has brought them up herself & they get £20 spent on them each at christmas, same for birthdays.

From what I can tell and see, the children that get hundreds of £'s spent on them are the most spoilt, miserable, horrible children EVER, and I totally blame the parents, there is no need to spend so much on kids, especially children under the age of, say 6. Let's be honest, kids don't appreciate it.

Theres some really good tips on here, much appreciated thank you. Thinking back i can remember how we loved our presents and we genuinely pleased to have them whereas now watching my nephews opening and throwing theirs aside seems such a shame and ruins things for me as i end up thinking what ungratefull little monsters they are i really cant wait now to start making the cards and decorations with
the boys. I really really appreciate all the tips and pick me ups from you all.

Shakeysgirl, you are not a loser, you should not be ashamed..and most of all you haven't let them down or failed them.

There is nothing wrong with buying from a charity shop. We have had a lot of lovely things from our charity shops, and we are doing something to help others at the same time. Its no different to ebay with respect to second hand items and I dont see anyone looking down on that.

Every year I buy lots of my kids presents from sales, charity shops, home bargains, the pound shop etc. Pound shop do lots of craft items which delights them, amuses them for hours etc. I have never bought any action figure type toy for my kids even when I had the money as it riles me that im paying for a brand name, I just refuse to do it.

A lovely christmas, decorating the tree and doing things together will mean much more to them than any expensive toy anyway. When they grow up do you think they will remember every toy they had? probably not, but they will remember loving special times with you

I would rather buy my kids something from a charity shop that is in good condition than some cheap plastic tat from the pound shop that will only last 5 mins. To be honest this year my kids will be getting a hand knitted jumper each as I have wool, pins and the skill to do it but little money as I have been off work most of this year

Cross posted with you there but I agree. My two best friends (twins) when I was 15 showed me their christmas home video and all I saw was them opening lots and lots of designer gifts, expensive things, sneering at them and throwing them aside to try and find something better. I was horrified, even at 15 to see them behaving in such a manner but they had been spoilt all their lives and put emphasis on how much something cost, not how much they actually liked it..because that's all they knew!

Oh yes mummyhill, little point buying toys from the pound shop but the craft stuff from there goes a long way

good craft stuff at Bookworld as well for a few quid. and make pom-pom christmas decs, such fun! then dip them in glue and glitter, they'll have a great time.

not too tricky and a great way to use up bits and bobs of wool

Shakeysgirl, your DC are lucky to have you. You sound like a wonderful mummy. Please don't worry about their gifts - they will appreciate whatever they get and will be happy to have something new (to them) to play with.

If it makes you feel any better, my DS is getting nothing from me - I can't afford anything and he'll get stuff from his grandparents. Thankfully, he's too young to realise - I'll give him a nice dinner and will spend the day with him. That's all I can do So, I do understand.

I havent read all posts, but I wanted to add that your children will probably not know how much things cost unless they are teenaged.

I have seen so many threads on MN about 'I can't get my son the Wii he wants', or 'I've got three, anyone want one?'. I cannot believe people spend £180 plus on their child at Christmas!

There is so much more to life than what we can afford to buy for our children, just because its this years 'must have'.

I hope you don't still feel guilty about what you are getting your little ones.

I agree with everyone else, you sound like
a wonderful mum and I'm sure your children will have a magical Christmas.

I am in a similar situation this year and am going to concentrate on spending time with my dd's doing things that they will remember long after the presents are forgotten.

Snuggling up watching Christmas films,
Making mince pies and Christmas biscuits,
Visiting family and friends. It is the little things that I remember, not the presents.