I'm ashamed that i'm getting the kids gifts from charity shops this christmas

[ShakeysGirl]

But its all i can afford to do. I have £20 per child to spend. I have 2 children and i've decided that for them to get the most out of their money that charity shops are the best option. I feel like such a loser and i'm ashamed of myself. I feel like i am letting them down in some way. I know they are only young (6 & 4) so wont know but i'll know. I feel like i've failed.

there's nothing loser about that!

what about Ebay? lot of new stuff on there for cheap.

and pound shops for cheap stocking fillers.

We are doing a mixture for ds - I've got a couple of things from a charity shop - people give away really good stuff (I know, because I have done it myself) and there is nothing shameful, it is good sense, as others have said.

I REALLY want to agree with what everyone else has said

I grew up with charity shop stuff at Christmas.

I KNEW that a lot of our christmas/birthday stuff was secondhand.

It didn't matter at all. Why on earth would it to a kid? It still doesn't matter to me now if something is secondhand.

HOWEVER the other side to this is that now, ie perhaps the last year, I don't actually HAVE to be buying from charity shops. I do, for environmental reasons and also because I like to save money. But I could technically afford not to, and go without something else instead. And I am VERY aware that there is a real difference between doing this out of choice and doing it out of necessity. I do really feel for you here. But you have NOTHING to be ashamed of.

I REALLY want to agree with what everyone else has said

I grew up with charity shop stuff at Christmas.

I KNEW that a lot of our christmas/birthday stuff was secondhand.

It didn't matter at all. Why on earth would it to a kid? It still doesn't matter to me now if something is secondhand.

HOWEVER the other side to this is that now, ie perhaps the last year, I don't actually HAVE to be buying from charity shops. I do, for environmental reasons and also because I like to save money. But I could technically afford not to, and go without something else instead. And I am VERY aware that there is a real difference between doing this out of choice and doing it out of necessity. I do really feel for you here. But you have NOTHING to be ashamed of.

Just want to echo what everyone else has said. You should be proud of what you are doing. Shopping within your means, helping a charity and avoiding dumping more in a landfill site.

Last year DD's present was from ebay, and I intend on doing the same again this year (I'll be trying the charity shops first this time). It didn't even occur to me to feel bad for her!

My favourite ever present as a child was a tatty old second hand bike. It was favoured above all the brand new plastic gubbins I received for any other xmas or birthday. I don't think I even registered the fact that it was second hand at the time!

Spawnchorus, I remember when I was a child that our next door neighbours being very excited that they were getting 'left hand' bikes for their birthdays!!

Mind you, quite a few things were 'left hand' in those days.

we grew up with second hand pressies etc.didnt matter as they were new to us.im always shocked that some people are shocked that i give my children second hand gifts.were very tight this year thanks to tax credits idiots(!) but i have no worries about my children,i dont feel bad-they wont even notice/care that there presents arent brand new.charity shops round here are rubbish so unless i go to visit my sister(where the charity shops are really good)it'll be ebay for us.
we make our cards mostly from last years and we make decorations.

Mercy

Thanks everyone. Am quite looking forward to Christmas now and some of the ideas are great especially making decorations and cards. Thinking back what i remember about christmas is christmas eve getting out of the bath and sitting by the (gas) fire and waiting for the fairies (my mum flicking salt into the fire) we thought it was amazing and i only found out how she did it recently. It's the memories that will still be there long after the gifts are gone afterall

glad you see it that way now

only read the op.

i think you should be proud of yourself. you're helping a good cause, you're being green by re-using pre-loved items, you're being sensible with the family finances.

well done

Have emailed you ShakeysGirl as have something unopened for your 6 year old ds.

i think i can understand why you are ashamed although you shouldn't be. when i was younger i had things from charity shops and car boots and i felt embarassed cos i knew we had to have things from there cos we were poor rather than out of choice. i think it would have been ok if i hadn't known they weren't though. now i have no shame getting things from charity shops etc because i do so out of choice, not because i need to.

I think the really special things in life are the bits that no amount of money can buy. You sound like a fab mummy , who just loves her kids, cant buy that. I'm the reverse of you, its not my christmas day this year. Just looking forward to telling ds 'Santa's been!' He is too young to know the difference, I can do it any day! Having said £ cant buy the best things, it does buy the rest, I know. Used to be able to buy what I desired, now IS doesnt stretch to that and it is being creative. I dress totallly out of charity shops and alot of our other stuff also comes from there. I just dont have the money. But we are happy, very happy.
I hope that you find lots of lil things for your kids and that you have a Christmas filled with happiness and love.

tell us more about the fairies - what happens if you flick salt on a gas fire?

It makes little silver sparkles, we used to think it was the fairies making sure we were ready for bed so Father Christmas could come. We never noticed the salt as my mum was very discrete about it. She also used to tie some bells to the broom and wave them outside our bedroom window so we thought the reindeer had arrived! We never had much money so she'd save coppers in a jar all year. I think i might take a leaf out of her book next year.

We always leave carrot for the reindeer and then make big teeth marks in the end of it and say they must have eaten it! Sometimes we put bits of it on the floor and say ohh what a mess its made and sometimes do big boot prints too!

Crikey.
Be proud, SG.
In some previous years DS has had the majority of presents from the NCT Nearly new sale. Because they really are nearly new, we don't need new, etc etc
This year I will be deeply ashamed as I watch the the growth of the small mountain of discarded packaging that even a modest amount of new toys generate. DS's toys will be coming straight from Amazon because for one reason or another I cannot fnd time to go shopping / get to the NCT sale.

We really do need to start making the most from all this stuff - and charity shops is a great start. Good for you.

You have nothing to be ashamed about. Be proud that you are doing your financial best and not putting yourself in debt for the sake of a pile of plastic toys.

Well done you for being clever I say!

sg, don't feel ashamed, you are doing the right thing. ive come across so many people who are throwing away piles of stuff this year to make way for all the new stuff. and guess what, half of it won't have even been opened by the end of february because they get so much. its shameful and wasteful.
you should be proud of yourself that you are being sensible and i do this myself, we often buy stuff from car boot sales etc.
as long as your kids know that you love them and you show it..thats all that counts.x

Do not feel ashamed. You're supporting charities, reducing demand for consumer goods and keeping things out of landfill as everyone else has said.

I would like to ask for second hand presents (or none) for myself and my children for the above reasons, but am embarrassed to ask my extensive family to cooperate as it's much more effort to do that than going to Woolies/Boots and buying a 3 for 2 job lot of crap. Good for you, I say.

only read the op but i just wanted to say you are not a failure.

i went to an NCT nearly new sale today and resolved to myself that I would not by DD new toys for the next 5 years (she is 5mo). i would buy from the sales. not only are new toys ridiculously over priced, but they are a complete waste of energy. by getting presents from a charity shop you are not only saving money you are being ecologically sound by recycling. they won't care as long as the toys are new to them. plus they will be much better for not being spoilt and overwhelmed by Stuff.

When I was younger some years we had our christmas presents donated from the local church. i didn't know this till later and it didn't affect me, I feel very lucky.

Your children have a mum who loves them, & who isn't silly enough to get into mountains of debt just to buy rubbish!

You are all lovely. I know what you're saying is right and makes sense i am just glad the boys are young enough not to realise and wont have to play 'keeping up with the Jones' at school if you get what i mean.

Shakey,my kids are getting a stocking each worth about £10.
They neither need nor want any more.
Your feeling bad (althoguh I konw you aren't know) is a searing indictment of our vile consumer culture which values money above all else.
It is gross.