supposed to be going out tonight........

[Titania]

first time me and DH have been out together for a year and a half. I am terrified of leaving the kids though. I have got a headache that I really want to get rid of. I don't really want to go out but then theres the ego thing with DH of 'don't you want to spend time with me'. I'm just as happy curled up on the sofa with a dvd.....he isn't....never has been. Even at the weekends he wants to go out here there and everywhere and I don't. I'm really scared of leaving the kids cos I know MIL will go against every rule I set cos she always does. I've been frantic all day trying to get all the houseowork done otherwise I know MIL will interfere and do it while I'm out. I still don't feel right after collapsing at the weekend anyway. What the hell am I supposed to do.........

Oh I understand now, Titania. That's very tough. I've been depressed and agoraphobic in the past so I sympathise with how difficult it can be. I do think it's important that you try to get out - for your sake, and for your DH's, and for the both of you to have time together. IME the more you put it off the worse it gets. If tonight really is unbearable to you, could you talk with your DH and (a) agree to another date (and this time really make sure you stick to it) and (b) discuss what might make you feel safer to follow through with it e.g. a babysitter you have more trust in, doing something where you can keep your mobile phone on, doing something that only takes an hour first time?

if i dont go out i will be relieved...but at the same time, I dont want to let DH down. MIL listens to her own son even less than she listens to me......

yes....we havent been out together for a year and a half.....he hates being indoors.

Yes, try and have a nice evening with your DH, Titania - whether out or in. Best of luck xx

will try......

Titania, when you're depressed as you are it isn't easy to carry on doing the 'normal' things - but it is important to try. I have only been out once in the evening since I was 20 weeks pregnant. Ds is now 16 months - that's a long time and unfortunately it just gets easier every day to shut yourself away. I also fear ds waking at night if I did go out so I know exactly where you are coming from but you do really have to do this if you possibly can. Your kids will be fine, I promise. As waswondering says, could you reach a compromise with dh? I do genuinely feel it is important to give this a try - for both of you. Hope you can have a nice evening xx

agree with Moomina Titania - though it's tough, the less you go out, the tougher you'll find it - it's a vicious circle. i think it is important that you and dh get time to yourselves. Just leave MIL to it, cross your fingers and hope for the best.

Nightmare,i understand what you are saying. I do kind of agree with the deep breath,neurofen,lippy and out advice though. I am exactly the same....housework the house to death, get stressed every time i think about it. BUT, the next day when i think about my nice evening,and think about the state i got into, feel a bit foolish and smile because we always have a nice time. Make sure we are back before 10pm which works well for all concerned. Good luck chuck, be bravex

now i am really starting to panic.....all the kids are in bed and dh is washing the car especially.....im feeling all hot and panicky now......

well?