Are you a SAHM with full time school children?

[sparkler]

I was a SAHM for eight years but now my two daughters are at school I work as a temp secretary with hours that can vary and have been doing this for almost a year. I sometimes wonder if I went back to work at the right time and am thinking about whether to cut my work hours right back and spend more time at home.
Just wondered if anyone out there is a SAHM, whether or not or when you are thinking about going back to work and what types of things you do with your time when the children are at school.

Thanks Anna.

Oh, if I could only go back in time......forget students with luscious long hair (he's bloomin' bald now, anyway) i'd head for the Merchant Banker Twits instead!

Bad life choices, Honoria, BAD life choices

Yes, if you want to be a SAHM and comfortably off, you need to target the Merchant Banker Types .

I will make sure my daughter knows this.

erniesmama - I am going to be going back to a job similar to the one I had before having my daughter.

I wrote case studies and prepared teaching materials for a business school (a well known one in France ). I am not going to go back there, because the commute from Paris is too far, but I have got a job with a firm that runs executive education courses.

Writing materials is very enjoyable and intellectually challenging (and time flexible). The hard bit will be fitting in attending the seminars but these do happen in term time only, so I'm hoping it won't be too difficult and that I can find a family who wants to nanny share on an occasional (3x a year) basis for a week.

Sorry, DG - didn't mean to put you off . I'm sure teaching is very rewarding. I know the atmosphere in ds's school, when I go in to help is lovely, so if you end up anywhere like that I'm sure you'll enjoy it!

Honoria, we obviously made the wrong choice of dh (Quote Xenia)

Erniesmama - I don't think there is ever the right balance. Funnily enough, what you used to do (tutoring in the evenings) I have considered doing instead of teaching, but I would need some sort of nanny to do that as dh is often not home during the week. Now reading your post I can see I would hate not to be around in the evenings, even if dh was always here!

Teaching does have its compensations: it is never boring and the children do lift your spirits, if they need lifting, as they are young and full of optimism. Ideally though, I would prefer a quiet office job but realism tells me that every other mum is after the same thing and I would never get one over other people as I have no formal office skills.

Teaching is my default setting I suppose as I am trained to do it and experienced in it.

Oh and yes, techer training certainly weeds out those that are not committed to the job!

Anna8888 -- sounds like you have found the right job to go back to; you get to use your skills and experience AND have a home life. Good luck with finding a nanny-share!

DG; Evening-class teaching is pretty OK actually, though throwing the tea at the kids and running out the door as dh walks is pretty rubbish. Obviously I'm lucky that my dh could get home early-ish and catch up with stuff in the evening. But I really enjoyed the teaching as the students were older and pitched-up out of choice, not because their mum was making them! Sounds like you are a natural teacher to me -- it would be lovely if you could use that skill still (for you and the students!). I'm told by office-job friends that it isn't all great anyway; they seem to spend all their time on e-bay. Maybe they should try MN!!

To answer the original question: I keep the house ticking over (I think either you are cut out for domesticity or not - I can happily plough through any number of chores as long as I have Radio 4 in the background) - as other posters have already mentioned it frees up all the time when the dcs and/or dh are home to have fun. I also do various voluntary stuff at school - helping run the library, reading stories, accompanying trips, PTA (APE actually as its a French school!), picking up other people's children who are stuck at work. I go to the gym - though not as often as I should considering I have no excuse not to go, I will, however, happily spend hours in my garden. I don't live in England so my options are limited when it comes to finding a job with hours that fit in around the children. I always say if I went back to work we would be better off financially but at what price? This way it's not a crisis if dh has to go away at the drop of a hat, which he often does, if one of the dcs is sick they can can stay at home and if the teachers are on strike (it's a French school so it does happen) it's no problem. It also means I can get to all the carol concerts, ballet classes, football matches and other endless dates an appointements that form part of our children's lives. I worked for 15 years before the dcs were born and to be honest I'm happy to have a change.

Oh dear yes, the perennial question of what work can ever fit around school hours and hols.. i am a single mum of a 9 year old and 10 year old, and have been working very part-time (6-8 hrs per week) teaching languages to adults for the past 5 years. The problem is although it sounds lovely and theoretically i could teach more hours, the courses only run if enough people sign up for them in September - so if only 7 people want to do Beginners Spanish for example, and they need 8 to run the course, I lose a whole year's class. So impossible to plan financially for the long term; also terribly boring after a few years of hearing people say 'I don't really want to learn grammar or anything, just be able to chat to the locals in the bar..' Aaaargh!!!

A couple of years ago, I almost went into nursing - had always wished I'd trained instead of doing languages at uni.. but pulled out at the last minute cos without any useful childcare backup (ex-h travels world-wide at the drop of a hat, parents live 3 hours away etc) I'd have been dependent on au-pairs etc and felt that would be unfair on the kids and I would have been very stressed. Also the training seemed to be almost impossible for anyone with family responsibilities - having to be able to travel anywhere in the county to do various different bits of on the job training, even the college hours were 9-6, except for Weds which were 12-7pm.. And what about nights?? So i had to abandon my dream..

thus am currently training to be a Personal Trainer, will be qualified in January, and am hoping to work specifically with women who need to lose weight - I put on a huge amoung of weight during my pregnancies and failed to lose it while looking after my toddlers, so I know how hard it is! At least I'll be working in the area of health and hope that my own experience will help to improve others' health and quality of life.

feeling absolutely bloody terrified at the thought of runnign my own business though!!

Good for you, 43Today! I hope your venture goes well.

Good luck with it 43.

As I said below, I take on work specifically during term-time, currently working with a compaqny whose bookkeeper has gone off to have surgery, and will be on sick-leave for 6-8 weeks. I'm doing 5 hrs a day for them, and they had to adjust to the idea that I wouldn't be in until 9:30-10:00, because of the school run.

Someone said to me "Oh my sister sends her son to breakfast club at school so she can get into work at the right time."

I had to hold in my patience.
a) Our school doesn't run a breakfast club
b) I wouldn't want to send ds if they did. The school day is quite long enough for an 8 y.o., and anyway he's a child, not a dog you can put in kennels when it's convenient.
c) why is 9:00 the right time, but 9:30 not?

Well done Indiechick - everything has to have a price doesn't it! I mean women who stay at home once kids are at school contribute nothing to society at all. Your comments do nothing but undervalue SAHMs. Every mother makes her decision but why are they so judged by OTHER WOMEN MOSTLY. What a sad materialistic society we live in.

I so agree with you Voluptua.

I have been at home for much of the time since ds. Which means that my DH doesn't know anything about our insurances for home/car etc, how to book a holiday, how or when shirts get washed, when school holidays are, when his car needs it's MOT or tax, how to find and shift to a better rate mortgage, ditto energy supplier, how to book a doctors/dentists appointment, where to get his suit or a carpet dry-cleaned, etc. etc. etc. because all those tasks (and more) fall on my shoulders, as I have the time and energy to deal with them.

He is as dependant on me as I on him. A marriage like ours is actually synergistic, we work for each other.

Indie, you totally overlook that when you accuse SAHMs of being dependent on a man all their lives.

Hi, I am a SAHM of 4. The youngest are 5. I LOVE being home. I won't go to work until they are alot older as I like being around whenever they have school events or need volunteers, DH works shifts/away and I feel one of us at least needs to be home esp at birthdays and Xmas, and I want to be the one to pick them up from school and also it would not be worth it moneywise.

DH is off in the day more with his shifts so we can go out which is nice, I volunteer once a week in a school and I have started an OU course leading to a degree (I have studied p/t for over 2 years). I never dread the day ahead, I am so busy and have very little time to fit it all in. I never want a stressful career but maybe one day would like to be a teaching assistant or other that fits around the kids.

If we earned more it would simply be to spend more and if we can manage with one income, we have an insurance incase DH could not work. If we depended on both wages, we would be knackered if that happened. I NEVER feel guilty about not earning as I have saved alot in childcare and have enabled DH to work unsocial hours and neither of us ever have to worry about childcare or events at all.

I used to feel society expected me to work when I gave up f/t work after missing out on alot with DD1. But I am cynical and can see through the government and other reasons for wanting me to go to work and pay others to look after my kids. If we are happy with me at home, whatever anyone says I do not care, you only get one life, time is valuable, time is money, it is worth alot and flys.

Clumsymum, I so agree that DH is as dependant on me as I on him. I don't get when some people say I am so dependent yet they are as much even when both are working as they depend on BOTH wages to pay the mortgage etc.

I'm not in the postion described by the OP at all but something that I always think of when people ask about work that fits in with schoolhours is interpreting services.

Interpreters are used quite a lot in health care, depending upon the background population, pays quite well and is quite flexible. If you are fluent in a language other than english then this may be something to consider though I believe that there is some specific training. BSL interpreters are also used quite a bit.

I think you have a rosy view of the skills involved in interpreting.

It's very, very hard to become an interpreter and there are a lot more hours involved than the hours actually interpreting.

Lovely job if you have the talent but not always family friendly - lots of international travel.

I think that you are looking at it from a different perspective! Most of the patients/clients that I see have appointments locally within 9.30-4.30 hours. I was thinking of interpreting for health and social care clients rather than business.

I agree though that there are more skills to interpreting than simply being fluent in a language.

LaDiDaDi my dh used to do interpreting, it was very well paid. He did it for the police or the courts - they had him on a list and if they needed him they would phone, if he couldn't make it they phoned the next one on their list (He did Bengali, Urdu and Hindi)

I spend my time worrying about the school dd is at
Very fruitful but I do get through the day, worrying takes up a lot of my time at the moment!
I have considered working and I imagine I will once I have dd settled in a school I actually like, possibly next year. I wouldn't work full-time though.

Your husbands are dependent on you? For what, nothing they couldn't figure out themselves. You leave, they'd figure it out. They leave, you'd be screwed!

They depend on us for childcare to enable them to work (esp if they work away and shifts), and to do all the school stuff and house stuff. Why would we be screwed if they left. Wouldn't a dual income partner be screwed too if they depend on both wages to pay the mortgage/bills?

I am studying for a degree for future career prospects which puts me in a better position than getting a low paid job so I would be screwed less if I ended up on own by studying. I have always volunteered to keep up the work experience. There is more to a family that the paycheck, why should 2 people work and involve someone else to pay them to look after the kids when between them they can do it all on their own by caring for their own kids?

We depend on each other, so what?

Indiechick,
Actually when some men leave some women would be screwed - but not all.
For some of us the decision for the woman to stay at home is taken very seriously by both and all the options are discussed.
My DH and I regard our relationship as a partnership and we consider the happiness and security of each other, as well as the children when we reach any decisions.
I absoloutely agree with your premis that women need to make themselves as independent and secure as possible - given the terrible stats about how women end up when marriages/relatioships fail.
But please don't assume that any couple who function with a woman at home is one where the woman is imediately vulnerable and ( as implied in your tone if not in fact) therefore stupid.
I am at home. i will now probably be at home for ever. But that is because of choices that DH and i have had to make for the good of all five of us. And please don't assume that we are not perfectly capeable of making a rational decision just because it is not one that you would make.

So to turn this debate around. My DH earns enough so that we have a very comfortable life and dont need any more money. I am a SAHM, helpone day a week at school, do the business accounts (and get paid for it)as and when i can fit it in and am very ahppy and mu 3 kids are very happy - do you think I should go out to work?

I cannot believe some of the comments on this thread, you talk about SAHM getting a hard time but some of these comments are extremely hurtful to those who work

"Maintaining a harmonious and relaxing home life is very important to me. Others feel commuting and meetings are important" - I can assure you a meeting is certainly not more important to me that home time with my family

"and anyway he's a child, not a dog you can put in kennels when it's convenient." - I sue an after school club a few days a week - what a horrible comment to make. I assume you never have a babysitter, leave the child with granny etc then when its convenient to your night out shopping etc? School club is the only place I leave my DS 3 nights a week, if we go out we go out as a family and we have never had a sitter in 4.5 years.

"And half the parents on the PTA committee are SAHM - so while some of you are swanning about at work in your fancy suits and doing important things like earning money these parents are working tirelessly to raise money for YOUR CHILDREN!" - if thats the attitude of the PTA they know where the next sponsorship form can be put

"probably have working parents - and by the looks of their reading records it's a bloody good job too because some of those working parents obviously don't get time (or don't care enough) to read with their children." - I am home in plenty of time to go through my sons letters etc with him so thats a very judgemental comment to make. Some parents were actually trying to make the school club staff do the homework with the children but I campaigned against it as I believe homework is the reponsibility of the parents. I truly hope the school staff do not believe that because I work part time I have no interest in my son and homework etc.

Some of the comments on this thread have got me thinking about how I am judged because I work by the teachers and other parents at my sons school. Its a horrible thought that people believe those things just because I earn a salary.