Are you a SAHM with full time school children?

[sparkler]

I was a SAHM for eight years but now my two daughters are at school I work as a temp secretary with hours that can vary and have been doing this for almost a year. I sometimes wonder if I went back to work at the right time and am thinking about whether to cut my work hours right back and spend more time at home.
Just wondered if anyone out there is a SAHM, whether or not or when you are thinking about going back to work and what types of things you do with your time when the children are at school.

BTW the £50 per week would make a massive difference to us but at the expense of an awful lot of extra stress - I did work part time with 3 children but then with 4 (3 pre-school) it was a killer so I took a career break.

If we didn't live in Surrey where housing costs are extortionate it wouldn't be such a problem either as our mortage would be much smaller for the same property. We get enhanced CTC because our income is low????????

I've had experience of being a full-time WOHM with my oldest three, and then with DC4 became effectively a SAHM - some childminding and bits of freelance working from home thrown in. Now DC4 is at school full-time and yet I still haven't quite motivated myself to go back out into the real world - the longer I leave it, the scarier a prospect it seems. Financially it's not necessary at the moment, and DH works away from home Mon-Friday, and I do all the School Governor, PTA, parent helper stuff, plus bits of paid work, but I have to admit that a lot of the time I am very bored. It's not that I lack things to do - it's just that what I have to do is often very dull. Thank God for MN and Radio 4!

I've read through some of the posts but I'd rather stay out of the sahm/wohm debate because that wasn't the original question.
Both my dc's are in Primary now with the first pick up being at 1pm. I've been working for myself from home since they were born but now that they're gone for a larger part of the day I do find that I have more spare time then I'm used to and am still at a loss what to do with it.
I want to start going swimming but after that I'm not really sure as I just don't have the funds to do anything else. I could take on more work but it's hard to make contacts esp. when you're not pushy.

I certainly mumsnet more since September

What does WOHM actually stand for? I know SAHM is stay at home mum, and WOHM must be working... something, but what does is stand for?

I am newly in this position of being a SAHM with all 4 of my children in full-time education. I have to admit, I see both sides of this argument. At the moment, the novelty has not worn off and I am one of those parents who walks home at 9 o'clock with a spring in my step at the thought of 6 uninterrupted hours of being on my own and pleasing myself. I have a loose arrangement in my head whereby I do housework in the morning (there is more than enough to do it every day - I couldn't envisage only having the time to do it at the weekends and I wouldn't like to be doing it in the evenings), and then after lunch I have a couple of hours for myself. Having been a full-time carer of at least one pre-school child for 11 years, I feel entitled to this time to myself at last.

That said, I can also see that this life will not bring me fulfillment for long. I totally empathise with the people here who talk of doing housework during the week to free up the weekends for family time, and cooking meals during the day to have time to devote to helping children with homework or just talking to them in the evening. I can also relate to people with hobbies or minor projects like doing the allotment, helping out at school, studying genealogy (would love to get back to the work I did on that myself). However, I do feel that I owe it to myself to do some paid work too. That is a personal feeling and only comes after 11 years of mainly not working for money.

I am fascinated to read how many women are looking for term time work only. Of course, that is the ideal. I am fortunate in that I was a teacher pre motherhood. I have been trying to avoid going back to teaching but reading all your comments has made me realise that it is extremely unlikely I am ever going to get term-time work that is not teaching related and that I really should be grateful I can pick up a job that so neatly fits with having children. I am off to fill in the form applying for a returners to teaching course!

And can I just say - I only got to this thread by following the link on the home page that was about what fundraising activities your PTA is doing this year - I clicked to get some ideas and ended up losing it on here! Ha ha!!

WOHM = working outside the home mother.

MummyPenguin WOHM is Work Out of Home Mum (I'm right aren't I?)

Yes, it is in the acronym list

thanks.

The school hours/holiday thing is a killer, and the reason, of course, why there is a stampede at many schools to find a job there.

I made tentative enquiries at dc's school and the head told me that the last three teaching assistants employed all had English degrees! The school even has a policy of having to work a 'qualifying period' as a dinner lady before you can be considered for other positions. This is quite a clever idea as it has solved the problem of how to recruit dinner ladies. But I don't think I could...

I tried to volunteer for a local charity and was given a flea in my ear and told there was a "very long queue of people only available between 10 and 2"

We could do with the extra money if I could work, but finding anything seems an impossible task.

I've been lurking on MN since I became a SAHM to two school aged children (5 & 9) two weeks ago! Ironic as previously I was doing two part-time jobs in evening / nursery time, and felt pretty busy (but happy!). We've just moved, so I now have no work and am trying to fill day with cooking, house-work etc. I'm presuming the SAHMs posting here are a lot better at such things than me as the house is still chaotic!! You must also all be very toned and fit with all that gym time! . I had been thinking that teaching would be perhaps the best sort of job to get into (because of holidays etc) but noticed DG's comment about wanting to avoid going back into teaching -- may I ask why?? Is it as stressful as they say??

It is very emotionally draining (in my opinion). I did not realise this until I had my own children, but then I did briefly return to part-time teaching and I realised how much I had previously given to the children I taught in terms of my emotional energy. Now that I had children of my own, I no longer wanted to give that emotional energy to someone else's children. It did not help either that I was teaching extremely demanding children (I think that is the politest way I can phrase it!) and the contrast between them and my own bright, eager, well-behaved children (though I say it myself) was vast. I spent a large part of the time I was teaching thinking to myself "I am doing this for fun? I could be at home with my own children right now, not suffering this abuse and strain".

There is, also, the old chestnut that in teaching, you never finish the job, and you never get away from the work as there is always preparation, marking, assessing, report writing, etc to do. Hmm...........maybe I won't be applying for that returner's course after all!

That's such a good explanation DG - it's exactly how it's felt for me, going back to work. I'm not a teacher but a social worker and I have also found that I just don't have the emotional 'store' that I used to have, that got me through the day with very demanding people. That emotion is all somewhere else now.

It's felt like dragging my feet through mud, making myself go to work; unfortunately DH is not a big earner and even with a downsize to a 2 bed home I've had to work two days a week since ds was born (and now 4 days, to try to pay off some of the debts of working two days!).

I'd be a SAHM like a shot.

Gosh HG, I am returning to work in your field next week, and I had the inkling I am currently using up all the patience, empathy, enthusiam and general vim and vigour on DD. In some ways its nice to hear that others are the same, but I kind of wish I could faff around with a press release instead, as I worry about not being ok at my job.

oh DG all you need to do is find the right school!

I've gone back this year after 7 years away as dd2 has now started school. I do 0.4 and as it's a secondary school job share they have been great at 'keeping me free' for most 1st and 5th periods so i can still do the school drop off....and I'm loving it.
I was previously at a really tough school and this one is sooo much better - my tough talk works much better on nice kids

and yes there is always work to do but as it's part time I make sure i don't work in the evenings - that's family time - or at weekends if I can help it.

I do work at home and I have spent 45 minutes doing a powerpoint presentation today to use with my year 11s on Friday - but when there are no kids around it's great!

fircone, have you tried your local nature reserve/Wildlife Trust? They tend to have voluntary work opportunities that can soak up as many people as turn up, and not to be sniffy about those who can only do term time.

I feel really the same as you DG and HG. I worked as a nurse before I had ds (now 6), and quite apart from the stress of working shifts and trying to find childcare, I just don't think I could go back to it now, as it just drains you.

I manage to fill my time as a SAHM with the usual domestic chores, plus going to the gym/swimming, and helping out at ds's school. I think the thing I find hardest about it, is'nt being bored (I can always find things to do), but that I feel a bit isolated, as I don't tend to see many people during the day. Also I do feel a bit guilty that I am not contributing financially to the family, aven though we can manage without any income from me.

I do feel it a bit when I talk to other friends, and my sisters who work, and they ask me what I do with my time - it all seems a bit boring and mundane. I would go to work (part-time) like a shot if I could find something suitable that would fit with school hours/holidays, but I don't think at this age I would be happy to put ds into childcare when I don't
really need to.

My youngest will start FT school next year and I have been mulling over ideas about what to do.

I thought about gaining office skills with a view to eventually doing some temping and finding something PT and permanent and school-friendly that way, also thought about volunteering at school and gaining experience for possibly doing teacher-training, have also thought of returning to study - OU perhaps. I would like to work if I can while dss are at school.

Am currently fasting for Ramadan so don't do anything too taxing in the day but once that stops plan on sorting out the house.

Oh deary me @ the thread.

Thank you Lucycat. I had rather talked myself out of wanting to go back to work. Listening to the experiences of HG and SoMuchToBits didn't help either as I can see that both social work and nursing would be the same emotional drain as teaching. I just feel that I cannot be bothered with all that effort and there must be a nice quiet office job somewhere for me. But you helped me to see that teaching can still be fun. 0.4 would suit me too.

Good luck going back next week Barry!

I'm sure you'll be fine, I'm just a wimp

No Honoria, you're not a wimp.

It is one of the cruel ironies of life that those people who are attracted to the less well-paid caring professions and who have the interests of others at heart tend to wish to be SAHMs (at least when their children are small) but are often not financially able to do so (unless by some strange twist of fate they have shacked up with a hard-hearted high-earning man ).

Thanks DG for honesty about teaching! I guess I hadn't actually thought about the emotional input and how much that might impact on family life. It would be dreadful to see dc getting behind at school (DS1 needs a lot of nagging ... oops, sorry I mean 'support' with his school work) because I was so wrapped up in the pupils' lives. Also I have been assured teacher training is the year from hell? It just seems to be the only job in the world that fits in with school holidays!!

But do some working mums find the opposite? Does working actually give you a buzz that has a positive impact on family life? Or is the paycheck that motivates you? I loved what I was doing before (tutoring evening classes and bits and bobs) but hated leaving the house in the evening, missing out on bedtimes and DH. Does anyone feel they have the right balance? Oh, that's the eternal question, isn't it??