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Are you a SAHM with full time school children?

104 replies

sparkler · 02/10/2007 11:29

I was a SAHM for eight years but now my two daughters are at school I work as a temp secretary with hours that can vary and have been doing this for almost a year. I sometimes wonder if I went back to work at the right time and am thinking about whether to cut my work hours right back and spend more time at home.
Just wondered if anyone out there is a SAHM, whether or not or when you are thinking about going back to work and what types of things you do with your time when the children are at school.

OP posts:
Indiechick · 03/10/2007 10:36

I think the previous writer was certainly judging women who work with her 'others feel commuting and meetings are important' comment.

EricL · 03/10/2007 10:38

I'm a SAHD. I am lucky though cos i work from home (self-employed) whenever i can and also at the weekends so it fits in perfectly with looking after the kids.

I have often thought about getting a part-time job to give me another focus and a new social circle cos sitting in front of a load of electrical machines can get a bit lonely sometimes, but i love what i do and i just know that a prt-time job would get in the way of other things like holidays and Chri*as.

Also - the kind of walk-in-walk-out job i would get would probably frustrate me as i would have to take orders off someone else (GGGGRRRRRR......) and woould annoy me in many other ways too i bet.

Gobbledispook · 03/10/2007 10:38

And...while I actually work from home so am not strictly a SAHM in the truest sense of the word, my 'part time working' friend relies on me 3 days per week to pick up her 2 children and take one to school and one to nursery.

I also spend one morning a week reading in school with children who are not mine and probably have working parents - and by the looks of their reading records it's a bloody good job too because some of those working parents obviously don't get time (or don't care enough) to read with their children.

And half the parents on the PTA committee are SAHM - so while some of you are swanning about at work in your fancy suits and doing important things like earning money these parents are working tirelessly to raise money for YOUR CHILDREN!

Need I go on?

SeveredHeadSmartArse · 03/10/2007 10:40

I work full time and whilst I accept that it is something I have to do for financial reasons (or rather financial choices DH and I have made as a couple) I still think children are better off if they have a parent to fetch them from school every day. When my DDs were tiny, they were quite happy at nursery being fed, cuddled, played with and loved, but now that they are older, they have lots to tell me at the end of the school day and they both want help and support with homework, as well as driving to and from their various after-school activities! And, as other people have said, it must be so nice to be able to keep on top of housework rather than letting it all pile up during the week and having a blitz at the weekend instead of spending valuable time as a family. Whilst WOHM mums often get a roasting for "abandoning" their families in favour of money or career" it seems to me that SAHMs often have to justify their choices too, and everyone is entitled to make a choice, and everyone's priorities are different - the World would be a very dull place indeed if we were all the same.

I often wonder whether the increase in WOHMs has led to the decline in society, i.e. increased crime, violence, etc. Children who have no-one to come home to, no-one to supervise them, perhaps find other anti-social ways to fill their time?

If I were you, Sparkler, I'd enjoy the time without them, keeping my home lovely and clean, keeping fit and enjoying a little "me" time, but of course that's easy for me to say because I'm seeing it from the other side!

Sorry, not expressed myself very well, as per.

Cappuccino · 03/10/2007 10:40

yes but Indie read the post

all the poster's kids are not in school

Gobbledispook · 03/10/2007 10:41

I think that was an excellent post severedhead!

Cappuccino · 03/10/2007 10:41

gobbledigook you're not being serious are you?

Gobbledispook · 03/10/2007 10:42

About what?

Cappuccino · 03/10/2007 10:42

"so while some of you are swanning about at work in your fancy suits and doing important things like earning money "

Indiechick · 03/10/2007 10:42

Oh please, 'swanning about at work in your fancy suits'. As if.
And why assume it's the working parents children that struggle with reading. And evidence for this?!

CarGirl · 03/10/2007 10:44

when my children are all at full time school I'm really not sure whether to return to work or not, we would only be £50 per week better off due to the way CTC work!!!! On one hand I think it would be good for my dds to see me work, earn money, become a qualified accountant etc etc On the other hand I've realised that from 2.45 to 10/11pm I'm going to very busy helping out 4 dd's, being a taxi service etc etc so perhaps I'm going to need the day time to do the stuff like washing (around 10 loads per weeks), cleaning, shopping, gym (hate going but need to for bad back etc) that I often currently do in the evenings!!!!!!!!!!

SeveredHeadSmartArse · 03/10/2007 10:45

Errr, just thought I'd point out that whilst I have a full time job, I still manage to be on the PTA at both my DDs schools, I help every week at Brownies and I always listen to my children read. Please don't tar all WOHMs with the same brush.

Gobbledispook · 03/10/2007 10:46

Well I'm sick of people trying to imply that going to work and earning money is the only thing worthwhile doing in this life. It is so not.

I never said that it's working parents' children who struggle with reading - I said there are children that I read with that seem to only get to read when parents go in to do so - I know for a fact that some of them having working parents (although I'm not saying that's the reason they don't read with them). So if some women didn't stay at home and go into school to volunteer, who would?

I'm just trying to say that SAHM don't sit around all day eating biscuits and watching the TV. They actually have an important part to play in society.

Anyway, I've got work to do.

Gobbledispook · 03/10/2007 10:47

I DIDN'T! I clearly said 'half the parents on the PTA are SAHM'. Half the parents work.

I'm making the point that SAHM do worthwhile things even if it's not 'earning money'.

I'm I making myself clear yet?

Gobbledispook · 03/10/2007 10:48

I don't know why I f*cking bother with this website - people only read what they want to and ignore the rest.

Cappuccino · 03/10/2007 10:49

I'm sorry gobble

it's just after reading the other day that you didn't really have to worry about budgeting

both dh and I work but in a quite modestly paid field, and I do worry about budgeting

I think it's important to realise that a lot of women don't work because it's just fun to earn money, and this is still true for educated people in decent jobs because not everything has the same commercial value

for example CarGirl's 'only £50 a week' would make a massive amount of difference to a lot of people including me

NotAnOtter · 03/10/2007 10:51

i was for a year but i did get pg!
i am too messed up to work

Cappuccino · 03/10/2007 10:51

and gobbledi has a good point too re reading the damn posts

most people here are talking about part-time work

I get so sick of SAHM/ WOHM debates that assume you are either sat on your arse all day reading Grazia or in a meeting till 8pm and paying someone else to put your kids to bed

bobbiewickham · 03/10/2007 10:53

How come some posters are being so defensive?
If someone wants to go out to work - good for her.
If someone wants to stay at home - good for her.
If someone wants to 'live off a man all her life' - as long as 'the man' doesn't mind, good for her.

Why do women judge each other so much? If we all just put our heads down and got on with living our own lives in a way that made us happiest, the world would be a much happier place for everyone in it.

So there

Gobbledispook · 03/10/2007 10:54

Agree with you cappucino - sorry if I was insensitive, it just winds me up so much.

I'm not even a SAHM - I'm at home all day and I do school runs etc but I work from home, as you know. I know it's a fortunate position to be in.

I just hate SAHM getting slagged off - I know so many who work so hard at school and do volunteer work.

I do know that a good proportion of parents work because they have to and are not 'swanning about in suits'. I just got riled.

Friends?

SeveredHeadSmartArse · 03/10/2007 10:55

Sorry, Gobble. You're quite right, I didn't read it properly.

I will bow out now because whilst I was actually to trying to be supportive to all women regardless of their choices, I'm not very good at expressing myself and I wouldn't like anyone to think I was being offensive, because that certainly wasn't my intention.

Gobbledispook · 03/10/2007 10:56

Ditto!

Cappuccino · 03/10/2007 10:56

of course we are friends

now can I have that jumper you were wearing the other day

it was really nice

friends always share clothes

Gobbledispook · 03/10/2007 10:57

ROFL!

MummyPenguin · 03/10/2007 10:58

I'm a SAHM. My kids are 11, 8 and 7. I used to work evenings, 6.00 - 10.00 p.m. but it got ridiculous, as DH would arrive home between 5.30 and 5.45 and there would be a mad rush to get me to work. Also, I'd have to rush after school activities, tea etc. DH and I were both fraught and stressed. I wasn't earning much, I worked in a supermarket, so we decided it would be better all round if I gave up. Kids have been much happier for it, and our routine is much calmer. I still think that my two youngest are a little young, and need me at home. One of the main problems I have is that I've got no support network for childcare. If I was at work in the day, and one of the DC was taken ill at school, which has happened a few times, there's nobody I can ask to get them for me. Unless I manage to find a job that's term time only, I'm going to have to remain as a SAHM until the DC are much older.

My days consist of housework, gym, dog walking. I must admit, I do love it, my own time, and being on my own all day. Then I look forward to collecting the DC and having them around in the afternoons and evenings.