Have just found out something and am really upset

[wishiwasunknown]

I've changed my name for this, but am a regular. Ok, it's trivial. But I have just found out that someone I have known for years is a very regular poster on mumsnet. And now I don't feel at all comfortable posting. Or even if I'm honest, reading. I don't want to pry into her life, and I definitely don't want her to know things I've posted here. What can I do? I know there are some RL friends who post on here - does it bother you to have people who you know in RL reading things you post here? She doesn't know who I am, but I suddenly feel entirely disenfranchised.

Please give me some advice! I feel really sad and upset about this - partly because I don't feel I can ever post again, and partly because I am worried now about things I may have written in the past, that I wouldn't want people in RL to know (nothing dodgy, just personal things).

I'm really sad!

I agree Aero.

You could always try to throw her - change the sex and age of your kids every now and again, mention that you live in Istanbul and have a large white poodle...that way even if something you post rings a bell with her, she'll have to write it off as coincidence

I met someone the other day who mentioned that she had posted on here on a couple of the forums. I then remembered all the threads that I have posted on, moaning about my dh etc. Maybe I have been too open on here, I don't know. I will be changing my name soon anyway, because of this, and also because I have been recommending MN to loads of people recently.

I know how you feel WIWU, but don't feel sad. You don't have to stop posting.

You could tell your friend you've been entering lots of competitions on the internet and found one of the sites - mumsnet - has a great caption competition with a fab prize. That way you are letting her know you know about mumsnet without saying you read her stuff on the talk pages. If your friend feels worried, it gives her the chance to change her name here.

I always assume people I know in real life may read mumsnet, simply because my son is fond of telling people about the site and even tells them my nickname . If I want to post something confidential that makes me or my children recogniseable, I tend to change my name.

once or twice a friend of mine has mentioned things and I think "aaarghh she's found MN" but then I think "nah, she's too tight to pay for broadband or be on the internet through dial up for any length of time" and feel safe again

how about tellling her you have realised she posts and for just the reason that you don't want to pry into her life if she posts personal stuff suggest maybe she changes her id ? And you can change yours - that way you can both stay but not know who each other is.

Actually this thread has made me think more about anonymity. I'd hate people to be able to guess who I was. Not friends, but just casual acquaintances who could quite easily work out who I am because I've posted every detail! I think I'll change my name. Why don't you just do that, WIWU?

Wishiwasunknown - sorry if i am echoing everyone elses posts but i have only read your first message! - i know EXACTLY what you mean - i introduced a best mate of mine to MN and my sister and at first i felt a bit weird - for example i had to tell them i was ttc (even though i havnt told anyone in RL) because they would read it on MN) And i know for a fact that my sister does searches under my name to see what i have recently been taking about!!! We have made an agreement with each other that anything discussed on MN is not talked about in RL - unless either of us wants to talk about it IYSWIM

Thanks for your advice everyone - I think I will just think a bit more before I post, and probably be more careful about 'identifying details'. I've a feeling this person wouldn't mind knowing people anyway on the site, having thought about it. Am not feeling so sad! I think perhaps I don't need to stop posting after all!

Thanks all! xxx

Could you not speak to your friend about this, i dont know about everyone else but i feel really para now. I know one person who uses this site and just so she knows i dont go trailing through trying to read her posts. Anyhow she more or less knows everything about me and id hope if she had a problem sed feel able to talk to me about it anyway f the needs be.

I worry about this too. But at the end of the day i am who i am. I am very honest in RL and very honest on here.

A really lovely friend of mine has just told me that she's planning to join MN, I think it'll be a great help/support/escape for her, but I'll admit that I feel a bit naked knowing that she will be on here (she knows my username). Although having said that I'm on quite close terms with a couple of other MN'ers, who I met through the site and they probably read a lot of my more personal posts and I don't feel quite so exposed with that. No idea why.

However if anything really personal, embarrassing or that would expose someone in my circle, I do use alternative usernames. It works for me, that way, as I feel that I'm still known to other MN'ers my this regular name, but I can choose to be more anon if the need arises.

Sorry - "However if anything really personal, embarrassing or that would expose someone in my circle comes up, I do use alternative usernames...."

I was thinking about this today and I don't understand the difference either, but I agree - if I meet someone via mumsnet and then get to know them IRL it's fine if they know my real name, phone number etc, but I would feel slightly differently if someone I know IRL were to come here and work out who I was from identifying details (if I hadn't told them my name, that is). Strange isn't it? Maybe it's because there's such an intimacy about this site/being anonymous so if you meet up with someone you're in control and you feel you already 'know' them a bit. I don't know why this is but ikwym WIWU. Glad you're feeling happier about the whole thing!

I think it's because in RL, relationships are organic and grow at their own pace, whereas here they can be quite full on in quite a short space of time, simply because of what comes up in threads. So you might reveal more or less of yourself than to your your RL friends. I'm pretty sure that some very good friends would simply not recognise me here by my views alone (although they could probably work it out if they trawled through personal details and experiences).

And your RL relationships are not based on what you've posted here, whereas your relationships on Mumsnet are, which is why you don't mind people from this world knowing about some of the stuff which you would not want friends from another world knowing about. But isn't that true of all friends? There are certain things which I would discuss with some people, but wouldn't dream of mentioning to others.

Thinking about it, I'm persuading myself that this is definitely one of my last posts as meanbean, if I can get my act together to go to the personal details page. This thread (along with KS's admirable decision) really has given me food for thought, and I've been recommending Mumsnet right left and centre to practically everyone I know, so some of them must surely have come on by now! Thanks for raising this issue WIWU, you might have given me back my life!

Don't know about friends, but my DH has recently admitted to reading Mumsnet more than I do! He knows my chat name and I have found it a bit inhibiting. I feel I certainly couldn't ask any advice re relationships, for example. It certainly makes me very careful about my posts (and I know my Dh will read this)

My dh keeps threateneing to joing mn, but I couneteract that with threatening to join the site he mods on and harangue him every time he posts on here.

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