while you are up there ticking your boxes

[Cappuccino]

tick 'include special needs'

I include SN. I don't think I have much, if anything, of value to offerto others, not having any real first-hand experience of SN, so I have sometimes wondered whether my occasional posts on SN are intrusive or 'selfish'.

I already have it ticked and have done since the start. IIRC it wasn't a case of opting to "edit out" the topic it was more if a privacy/safe haven kind of thing. The opt-in box was the lesser of 2 evils as I seem to remember one other suggestion was a password protected area for SN.

Of course its not intrusive.

I have noticed that threads that are relevant to people without children with Sn (such as Aloha's recent schools problems) DO get a lot of posts from people who don't have children with SN. I assume its because they feel they have something useful to say because the experiences are more 'shared' iyswim. Anyway it's always been a demonstration to me that lots of people without children with SN are still reading the boards. I assume people read anything they like on here (I do). BUt I still think the reminder that its SN can be useful on some threads (and highly irrelevant on others).

Tortoiseshell's explanation summed it up very well. There was a period where no-one dared to post because they were getting comments like "Your 5yr-old still has milk in a baby bottle? Don't you know how bad that is for their teeth?" or "Your child only eats dry bread and chocolate buttons? Stop giving in to them. No child ever starved themselves!"

There were also a few of us who were being contacted off-board for info by people who had never posted on MN, either before or since. You don't want to ignore someone who needs help but it can be draining.

Would it be completely ignorant improper of me to ask a question about something on here about the car lining up thing?

Of course not vvvqv, question welcome.

I'd forgotten just how bad that period got tbh- those were the days when if you posted on a thread that banning every non healthy food option in schools (as an example) meant real problems for some parents with sn kids, you just got written off with 'Sn kids always get their way it ewwouldn't be an issue' {as farking if]), or it turned into a nasty fisticuffs battle.

I do agree with saggars that at present there are a lot of parents of children with ASD/ Aspergers etc and that that is a completely different world to mine

but as time goes on that changes too, I have seen it on another board where the focus went over time from babies with heart defects to children with CP

few people find out at birth that their children have SN, and if they have never seen the SN threads they might not know they are there and are open to them if they do ever need them. Good god I never special needs were anything to do with me when I had my baby, and how wrong was I?

i just think things change and grow, that's all, and I just wanted to remind people at this time of the New Box that there was a box to tick for sn and that it's not that NT mums don't have anything to offer and they shouldn't tick it. I too would rather the dimwits who posted insensitive stuff would stay away but the likelihood is that they won't tick it so there should be natural selection

I don't really want to upset anyone or change anything, just remind people. I understand the reason for the tick box but don't want SN to be forgotten because of it.

(VVV what about the cars?)

I agree that thres an asd slant- I dont use other boards really so don't know what goes on there, i assume it varies but equally the reality is that ASD is getting (statistically- what was the last figure? 1 in 88?) more common, so that is kinda going to be inevitable, at least on non differentiated boards.

I think it definitely needs to be something to 'opt into', otherwise the ignorant people wouldn't opt out iyswim.

I do agree, I have definitely learnt more about children with SN through reading the SN board, but it does have another purpose, as well as to educate people - i.e. its primary purpose must be for parents of children with SN to post for advice/support/venting. Just like the rest of MN really.

agree being able to vent is important and that is harder if it's out there.

I've posted a very SN thread in education (primary) today as I wanted responses from everyone & it's worked well.

The last count was 1 in 53 peachy (amongst primary aged children).

Cars? Let me guess the answer- yep entirely normal- ds2 did it a lot, ds1 never. Only an issue if there's no imaginary play at all.

Ah, thats even higher- would rather had been shown wrong the other way (NAS has several sets of figures on its website doesn't it, though the one in 88 didn't come from the website)

Of course at that growth rate there's some cause to wonder when the ASD's will be the ones in the majority, and the NT ones in SN, but anyway.

I always thought the slant was because if you have a physically disable child it tends to be picked up earlier(sorry talking from my own experience) and you get support. where as with autism and things like that(sorry if wrong way to put that but don't know all the proper words.) it seems to take much longer and there is so little support.
I think it is good when people post in sn and on sn threads even if they don't have a child with sn. quite often they can get you to see the bigger picture,

maybe mn needs to put something about sn on the home page or a reminder on the log in page.

I agree with 2shoes, a reminder on the login page would be good.

I guess I justa ssumed the asd thing was because of the rise- but could also be for the reasons you give 2shoes, probably a bit of both and more on top. I have worried in the past we'll get a PD / LD divide (obv with a largish central ground), as have noticed some polarisation myself- people with wheelchairs not always acepting ld kids need to use a disabled toilet; people with ld kids feeling alienated by lack of diagnoses, etc. Hope to gosh that MN is actively helping to rpevent that becoming a reality.

RE the education thing- certainly agree that we dont need to be actively educating people BUT if people benefit in that way then that's good, surely? I've learned a lot about CP, DS, epilepsy etc myself from these threads- the mroe we all elarn the mroe we can all understand.

Ta Peach & Capp. Sort of gess, lol!

I actually wondered what it was supposed to be a 'sign' of? Why is it considered troubling?

Some people think its a sign of ASD- if all a child does is line up things and has no interest in imaginative play of any kind, in particular if like ds3 they have a particular thing about the wheels / corners etc, then its a thing worth noting yes, but if in isolation not a huge concern. lining up cars ime is a thing kids do.

vvv, not sure exactly what the question is, but fwiw the biggest "liner-upper" of my three DSs is DS2, who is NT.

DS3 (who is the most autistic) has recently started to line things up - I can see that with him, there is no imaginative play going on, it is his "extreme male brain" "systematising" at work (imho).

btw I would support 2shoes suggestion of some kind of reminder that you need to tick the box to see SN in active convo's.

I always tick special needs but it keeps going off then I don't realise for weeks that there is no SN.

Gess - hope you are successfl with the typing

popsycal, same here! Im going to ask tech

Oh I see.

Coz I always thought it was a pretty normal thing for most children to do (but again, in context with imaginary play etc) too.

I couldnt see what the worry was....

yeah- problem is lots of pros take the whole checklist approach as well. ONe was very concerned that ds1 had NEVER lined anything up

It's like teasing - ds1 teases beautifully, its his favoured interaction, but according to the checklists impossible and therefore I must be a mother in denial (these days I just video and show rather than describe).

OH gosh yes, it must be tough for you.

I dont know much about it, but what I do know, makes me wonder how/why professionals want to stick to checklists as rigidly as they do when clearly it is such a wide-spanning condition.

I think the big problem is not enough hands on experience esp from NHS staff, because of the way SALT say is delivered these days. So all they have are the books, rather than the real life interpretations.