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Original poster

Cleaner talking to others about my house!

50 replies

Mella91 · 23/02/2020 16:02

Hi,

I had a cleaner previously who I wasn't happy with. My friend recommended her cleaner to me who I asked to come twice a week. She came last week and did a great job! I was over the moon as where we live I cannot find a decent one. Today when I was talking to my friend she said the cleaning lady was at hers today and she spoke about my house to her. Her words were 'x house was so dirty' 'I spent ages there' 'She is very messy'

I am so so upset by this as the cleaning lady didn't say anything to me! I am a full-time working mum to a 9month old. I try my best constantly but at this stage my priorities are spending as much time as I can with my baby and providing him with good wholesome food. Yes my house is messy (we have toys all over and lots of items we could do with throwing out) but it is NEVER dirty! I had a cleaning lady before this one who came twice a week - how 'dirty' could my house be!

I don't know how to handle this situation, I don't want to stop working with this cleaner as she did a great job in comparison to the other cleaners I have however she goes to other peoples houses who I know to and I am worried she will tell them my home situation.

I dont know how to deal with this situation

OP posts:

EvaHarknessRose · 23/02/2020 17:54

Hmm I think I would keep the cleaner and be really nice to them. And I would think of some dastardly thing to hint that the cleaner has told you about your friend, just so she/he doesn't feel too smug or secure. Give yourself a break, your previous cleaners weren't doing a good job and it's too much for you. Your friend was mean.

copperoliver · 23/02/2020 18:10

Try not to take it to heart, maybe she meant it in terms of the cleaner, not doing her job properly. X

Hoohaahoo · 23/02/2020 18:15

Itwasntme1 it’s probably me being naive. I take my job seriously and wouldn’t look at someone else’s mail or look in their bin. I empty some bins but I’m not nosey enough to look at what’s in it!

Runnerduck34 · 23/02/2020 21:53

Are you sure you're friend has reported exactly what she said and hadn't exaggerated , put a spin on it? Sounds like might be stirring. If she's the best cleaner you've found them I wouldn't let her go, but as pp have suggested you could have a word about not discussing your home with others.

Lweji · 23/02/2020 22:09

If you say something, then you're telling her your friend reported the conversation.
Your friend may have asked her.
It could become messy.

I'd either not keep her or just let it go.

superram · 23/02/2020 22:14

My cleaner text me to tell me my house was very dirty-it was (building work). I don’t think she meant to be so rude. I’d say something but not sack her.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 23/02/2020 22:22

Well someone I worked with ones had someone leave all their wanky tissues by the bed but we dont know about anyones sex life . Or finances come to that

Itwasntme1 · 23/02/2020 22:44

😂 I’m an idiot, shouldn’t believe everything I read on the internet

www.rd.com/home/cleaning-organizing/secrets-housecleaner-knows-about-you/

Wasn’t this article, but something similar.

Bluntness100 · 23/02/2020 22:47

I’d be more curious as to why your friend felt the need to tell you. there was no need and it’s bitchy, you were never going to react well.

On the other hand, has your friend not been to your house? Because maybe this is her thoughts, and what she was saying to the cleaner.

converseandjeans · 23/02/2020 22:57

Maybe it needed longer than you were employing her for to get it up together to the standard she likes?
It does sound like you have clutter. You have had a few others with no success - maybe it's more cluttered than you realise?
Try not to get too upset if she did a good job & maybe start getting rid of some stuff so it's easier to keep tidy?
I agree it's unprofessional but can't see why your friend felt the need to repeat it back to you?

goldfinchfan · 23/02/2020 23:07

I had a cleaner some time ago that used to complain about another person's home being messy and dirty so I got rid of her.
It was obvious she would gossip about me as well.

Why hasn't your friend been concerned that she will be talked about too?

MsAmerica · 24/02/2020 00:25

Ha! This is why I try to avoid cleaning ladies used by my neighbors.

I'd say something like, "Look, I'm think you're great, and I'm really glad that my friend referred me to you. But I'm very bothered to hear that you're talking about be behind my back, which seems really unprofessional."

If you're lucky, she'll apologize embarrassedly and not do it again. But you have to be wiling to let her go, confident that you'll find someone else.

Frannibananni · 24/02/2020 01:25

If she is that good I would just ask her not to talk about your home to others and move on. I would rather be talked about than pay someone not to do their job.

GlamGiraffe · 24/02/2020 01:44

Personally I'd have a slightly less sparkly house and a whole lot more peace of mind!!

I'd find someone else. If theres one that can do a good job, Theres another
I wont have the same cleaning lady as friends or neighbours. Some can get too gossipy or can be persuaded to give information which can be weirdly if interest to people (learnt this years ago).
I had a cleaning and I knew every detail of her other employers life and household so she was not the nest person to have around. I would absolutely not be happy sharing with someone I knew.

neverdoingthatagain100 · 24/02/2020 02:06

It's a bit difficult going off a second hand conversation. For all you know your friend may have asked leading questions...poor thing, working all the time, her house is dirty isn't it?
Perhaps your cleaner agreed and maybe she feels disappointed with herself for agreeing.
It's a bit far fetched I know but I'm always suspicious of second hand conversations.
Why don't you mention it to the cleaner?
I'm a bit upset because my friend mentioned that you said our house was dirty...
see what she says.
I can't understand ithe problem though because if it wasn't dirty you wouldn't need her to clean would you?
She would be out of business
Point that out to her!!
Good luck xx

Elizabella · 24/02/2020 02:19

Get rid of her. She should not be discussing clients with other clients. Part of being a cleaner or any other job that brings one into close proximity with people's personal business is being able to be discreet. What if she comes across private/personal information such as a bank statement or letter etc? Will she be reading it and broadcasting that too? Gdt rid and tell her why and tell her that you will be telling other people that you know why you have sacked her.

Toomanygerbils · 24/02/2020 02:30

Tbh I wouldn’t care if my house was now clean and tidy. I might mention to her that I’d prefer she didn’t discuss my house to my friend as she is a sht stirring btch and looking to have her fired though. Maybe her cleaning standards will reduce in friends household. I would tend to think the so called friend had instigated this conversation, and therefore isn’t a friend at all. Don’t blame the cleaner, was probably saying whatever needed to keep their job, blame the employer/gossip

WanderingTrolley1 · 24/02/2020 02:43

She’s unprofessional. I’d get rid.

neverdoingthatagain100 · 24/02/2020 06:56

Is there any way your friend wants to cause trouble? Is she jealous that you have her cleaner or something?
It seems weird to sabotage a new client by criticising them to the very person who recommended them . It's bound to get back to you.

AJPTaylor · 24/02/2020 07:12

Sounds like the child minder I had who told numerous people that she just couldn't understand how working mothers could leave their children with strangers to bring them up!
I would get rid.

Giroscoper · 24/02/2020 07:24

It is an unspoken rule. You do not discuss the state of other houses. Ever. Especially to other clients!

I have cleaned hotels in the holidays when I was a student for a few years. I had a friend who was struggling with PND etc some years ago and was looking for a cleaner. I told her I would do it until she found someone, I never told anyone I was cleaning her house. Even her husband didn't know. You need to be discrete.

I couldn't have someone in my house who I knew to be gossipy. I would have to get rid.

Branleuse · 24/02/2020 11:57

my house is messy and I find the whole thing about having a cleaner very stressful, but I definitely need one as I just cant cope with the house otherwise (im aspie and have executive function issues with regards to organising and sorting, so it quickly gets out of hand if im not careful or get outside help) My cleaner always tells me that thats what shes there for, and people like me keep her in work. And that her mum was much the same. I also know she cleans for another friend who tbh, is even more messy than me, and Ive never ever heard my cleaner gossip or say a bad word.

I used to have a different cleaner who was good, but admittedly the first time she came, id spent 3 hours tidying first, and she came to have a look and said "well I do like a challenge", which is one thing, but she quite often made snippy patronising comments about me and my housekeeping, which really got to me in the end, so I got rid.

FilledSoda · 25/02/2020 12:07

Your friend is a bit of a stirrer isn't she ?

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 25/02/2020 12:12

It’s not nice and I wouldn’t like it one bit, but it’s not like you have the same expectations of confidentiality as with a medical professional or anything.

OrchidBlooms · 05/07/2025 01:55

Sacked.

From a professional cleaner of over 8yrs.

Trust me, this individual is not to be trusted. This is where it starts, with a bad attitude before it progresses to other things.

They may be good at cleaning, or you may be giving them far too much credit but discussing confidential information is a massive no. Talking shit about others, especially when they're parents and/or are struggling, is sackable.

I'm sorry that you had to put up with this. Your friend was right to inform you, as they probably didn't want to be held responsible for recommending someone who was going to spread your dirty laundry around the neighbourhood like that in the first place.

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