Advice plse..

[unicorn]

Briefly (and I'm afraid that is not in my nature!!!)
my oldest sister is, and always has been, very nosy (for want of a better word).
My siblings (and me) have always let her get away with it- probably because she is the eldest.
BUT..Tonight she came over to babysit for me + dh(that is another strand!), and it is almost as though she expects to have full run over my house, my things,my privacy etc.
Question is, without having a MAJOR epic row, (which we tend to do in my family).. How do I tell her NOT to nosy around my things/property.
a) without offending her, and b) losing her as a babysitter (and we have next to none of those anyway?)

What has she been nosying at? If it was me I would hide all bills letters etc out of the way, stuffed under the bed. I djust move things so I didnt have to say a word..am I gutless?!

my sis is just the same. anything i dont want her to see i put in my wardrobe and tie it up with a scarf in a way that she wont get in. i also lean a slipper on the door so i can tell if shes been trying to get in or not. it kind of gives a subtle message, but doesnt stop her from trying to get in if theres another way of getting around it, that would be great! lol

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well, before I left she had pulled out a suitcase from beneath my bed.. saying,'oh this is nice where did you get it?'- and that was before I had even left!
Me and dh try and lock away stuff of a financial, private sense..
I just know that if she is left to her own devices, she will be opening drawers,+ looking everywhere.
It is almost as if being the older sister she still has divine right to invade my space.
But we are all adults now- and I don't now how to act in an adult way.. I mean I wouldn't let, or expect my friends to do this (and they wouldn't be so blatant anyway).. so why do I let her?

ifswim??

Ohhh Nosey cow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe she doesnt know how Nosey she is?

Maybe she does need told...how i dont know!

Oooooh - speaking as a big sis, that's difficult, but really, I'm just concerned that my wee sis is ok! She's my chief babysitter BTW. Also, I hope that losing her as a babysitter isn't the biggest worry - I'm sure it isn't and you won't want to offend her............gosh don't really know what to advise here as my sis and I are pretty close despite 10 years between us.

Hmmmm - crossed posts - my sis wouldn't dream of doing this!!!

CC - exactly! Guess she thinks it is all fine - as I am her kid sister. < FFS I am 40!!!!~>
Also she probably wouldn't be offended if I did the same around her place,(but I
don't- and don't actually go there that much anyhow)
I think personally it is a POWER thing... and as I am last in the pecking order (with my siblings) I am expected to accept it.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Id lock things in the shed before she came round..er except I dont have a shed...Id put things in a black bag and pretend it was rubbish, put it in the wheelie bin and rescue it on my return!

tricky - can you lock your bedroom door?! How awful that you would even have to! Maybe you should make really subtle hints (like 'GET OFF MY STUFF NOW!!'). What a nightmare - would it escalate into a row if you have a word with her?

Charlliecat - very cunning you would be a good spy!

CC
but by doing that it is like trying to assume a new identity for the duration of her visit.

Isn't there any way I can say something that will make her think twice about how she treats me/ my property?

Perhaps it is just too deep?
I wonder.

I'd be tempted to put a small lock on the bedroom door. For a really sneaky approach you could tell her (in confidence of course) that you and dh are thinking of installing some of those hidden cameras in your house "as a security precaution". She won't know where they are and may have some shame at the thought of getting caught.

ahh but Coppertop, thing is, she isn't ashamed.. she doesn't see that, MY business, is not HER business.
In a way it is kind of sweet (??)

Nevertherless I feel it is also downright rude, I just don't know how to tell someone, who doesn't feel she is in ANY way in the wrong.

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Do you have a mutual friend who could drop into a conversation with her about how shocked they were when they heard that a fictitious friend of a friend did some similar nosing around?

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Yurtgirl.. oh she would probably love it..(attention seeking etc)
but personally, I don't have time or inclination (she is single - no kids/career etc- I am not!)

Why is my life so interesting to her?
Why does it bug me so much??

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So maybe I should let it go? (take a chill pill someone on MN once told me!)

But to me it feels wrong, and like a personal invasion,it really erks me.

I just don't know how to be calm, collected and cool with my sister, and get what I want (ie to be assertive)

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Get a lock for your bedroom door and keep anything in there that you don't want her to handle/see. Tell her that there have been burglaries in your area and that you need to beef up your house security and this is the first step. Or that your insurance company said they'd give you a discount. And it must be locked when you and dh are out of the house!

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how true yurtgirl.. I just think I have always let her do it(or been afraid to stop her)so it would be very wierd for me to confront it now and tactful is a bit of a misnomer in my family..< the all or nothing brigade we are>
(I'm still recovering from an epic row with parents/brother at Xmas!)

Avalon, It's not just about locking stuff away really- I think it is just the invasion of my privacy/space that I really object to.